a HUGE gear change

so.  charles is not deploying. 
yea.
he had to go to a different post yesterday for some paperwork and a doctor's appointment to have his ears looked at.  the doctors here had told him that his ears looked kinda messed up and that he should go there for a closer look but it was likely nothing.  boy were they wrong!  this surgery is what he will have to do.  his is pretty much the most serious of what is described on that site - his bones in his ear are mush and his ear drum is burst and infected, if it gets worse he will have hearing loss/vertigo/brain damage/facial paralysis, etc.  hence, he's not going anywhere.  he will be having surgery on 5 January and again 6 months later to reconstruct the bones in  his ear.  with any luck, all will go as planned and this hiccup will not result in a medical chapter (being kicked out of the military for medical reasons). 
he is actually doing amazingly well with the news, better than i am in fact.  he's adopted a "well, i can't control it and i have to take care of myself before i can worry about career progression" attitude.  i'm still stuck on "huh."  it took me several hours yesterday to realize that i should be thankful and happy about this.  and i am... now... pretty much.  it's not that i wanted him to be away from me, more that i wanted him to do this for his career and to have the experience.  we would also have been earning a lot of extra money, and deployments/time spent apart are always good for our relationship.  plus, i had lots and lots of plans to keep myself occupied while he was gone.  i dont like to keep super super busy while he's home so that i can focus on him; but most of my plans involved things to get myself healthy (lots of time at the gym and more healthy groceries/meals).  granted, these are things i should do anyway even with him here, but i dont do it as much as i should.  so yea, must find a new balance. 
bright side: he will now be (forced) able to get his ears fixed, and with equal importance: he will be able to pursue an appointment with a urologist to get cracking on our fertility issues. 
i have NO idea why God has given us this new change of direction, i'm just along for the ride really.  but suffice it to say that the ride just got much more interesting.

an attempt to stay connected

i've been having the urge to blog lately but have put it off since i dont really have anything to blog about other than the usual deployment updates (which somehow always end up being depressing or too rant-full... which is a word i just made up).  so here's me trying to do a *happy post*:
i bought leggings!  yea, that's right - leggings.  i LOVE them!  and for once, i have invested in a trend while it is still popular instead of denying my affinity for it and waiting till 2 years after it's mainstream effect has passed before sporting it proudly.  my only delema with the leggings seems to be finding sweaters long enough.  all my height is in my torso, hence a simple "tunic sweater" won't always suffice.  while i do very much love the trend in longer tops and sweaters, unless i want to walk around in form-fitting stretchy pants with my butt cheeks hanging out, not all tunics are acceptable.  however i did find a couple at kohls yesterday, and for $13 no less!  but i will be taking them back today after work to have the ink tags removed... that's the 2nd time i've come home with an ink tag still attached and i learned my lesson trying to pry off the first one.  green paint on a denim skirt - no fun.
i've been eating my feelings - and i seem to be having a LOT of feelings lately.  so i'm very much looking forward to the hostile takeover of my body come january.  i've even toyed with the idea of turning my blog into a weight loss diary of sorts and posting pictures of my progress... but that might require you to see me in some sort of bathing suit capacity - so be warned.

OH!  and i'm a godmother again.  i had the supreme honor of being present for the birth of a friend's daughter at the beginning of November.  they just asked me to be godmother on saturday.  Jeremy used to work with Charles and was away at school and little Kaitlyn decided to arrive about a month early so Kelly called me in the middle of the night on November 9th and the adventure ensued!  As you can see, it was a bit of a rocky start of the little one but she's doing well now.

she was in the hospital for 2 weeks to give her lungs time to catch up with the rest of her and she still has to wear a monitor when sleeping to make sure her oxygen levels are ok.  but overall, she's quite the trooper.  she's my little pal.  i have quite a connection with her and her parents, even more than i did.  it's just amazing.  sadly, i wont know her for very long because they will be moving away in April.  jeremy does not do the same job as Charles so it is not likely that we will ever see them again, but such is life.  in the mean time, it's pretty amazing.

not so hot

well in reading over my last post, i realize i was a bit too confident too soon.  charles is in texas training this week and i'm getting a very brief refresher in how much it sucks to be alone.  well, i shouldnt say "alone".  i have an absolutely amazing group of friends here who are already taking up the banners an doing their duties in supporting myself and the other wives in my position.  it's a pretty great feeling to have this family up here who understand what it's like and know how to help.  but considering that none of those friends read my blog (to my knowledge at least), i dont want to short change you guys back home who support me too.  prayers are good and always welcome.  but i can imagine that it's hard to relate to my life just as it's hard for me to relate to yours as you raise your kiddos.  but i must say, yours is probably easier to figure out.  so i'm sorry if you find yourself wanting to help me and not knowing how.  i could type all day long about what it's like to be an army wife... really, i could.  but i dont know if it would make any more sense when i was finished than it does now (although i like to think that my powers of written expression are fairly sufficient).  suffice it to say that it's a complicated mix of emotions.  at any given minute i am: fine, agonizing, stressed, happy, sad, completely content, at peace, miserable, etc.  it is my goal to be stable.  to "thrive" seems like an insult to the lack of husband, and to be miserable is an insult to  his limited level of long distance support.  and so i strive to be stable and walk the line between a 365 day pity party and just a party. 
dont really think i had a purpose in ranting as such.  mostly i guess i wanted to vent that i miss my husband and i am not at all looking forward to dealing with this emotion again for an extended period of time. 
on a good note though, one of said awesome friends up here was emailing me today and she has agreed to help me in my quest to get in shape.  she used to be a drill instructor so it should be pretty awesome.  yea - imagine that!  beautiful blond army chick with 3 kids who used to be a drill instructor.  you just never know...

*insert creative blog title here*

*insert pictures of incredibly cute and intelligent children here*
and now a word from our sponsor: REALITY!
so i figured i ought to update my blog for people like the 2nd coolest Mary i know, who become disappointed when they check blogs and they have not been updated.
we are chin-deep in the deployment prep at the casa Buford.  he's been working 15+ hr days for the last 3 weeks and i have no idea how he does it.  we usually eat dinner in the same room, me at the table, he at the table in front of the laptop typing documents for the next day's training while he shoves cold food in his mouth.  last night we packed his stuff, equipment, etc. which will be stored until it's time for him to leave.  it's beginning to become more real.  suprisingly, i'm ok with it.  barring any truly miraculous occurence, we will not become pregnant before he goes.  so this next year or so will be yet another "work on/take care of michelle" year.  i plan to spend a lot of time at the gym or working on the house.  and i will definitely be working to pay off lots of  bills and avoiding the extensive retail therapy that i indulged in last time.  it wasnt good. 
he's been cutting back on his smoking - which is great.  he plans to quit while he's there, which is also great - now i don't have to deal with angry husband time!
christmas.  yea....
job is still good.  i've gotten to do a lot of cross training in the last couple of weeks so that's been fun.  i think i've done pretty well to make my mark in the organization and i look forward to sticking around for a while.  it's really nice to enjoy my job, it's been a few years since that's happened. 
my parents are doing very well.  they've been super busy since grandma kelly passed away.  they made pretty quick work cleaning out her house and then did a lot of cleaning and repainting.  i hear it looks really nice.  my uncle will be moving in with his family this weekend, so we're all really happy to see the house stay in the family.  i am just amazed at how well mom is handling it.  and dad has been so supportive.  i'm sure christmas will be tough for all of us but we'll make it work.  mom and dad have already made plans to visit with a lawyer and find out how to streamline the legal processes for cameron and i when they pass... which is an odd thought but much appreciated all the same.
on that note.

jizzob

nothing makes a lame establishment like "employment" sounds more exciting and culturally diverse like makeshift ebonics.
so this is week 2 of the new job.  i am now a government employee.  life is grand!  although, one of my many computer trainings (not to mention common sense) would lead me to believe that my computer activity is heavily monitored.  so someone is probably sitting in a bunker somewhere reading this as i type it... in which case: sorry.  and thanks again for the job!
behold my fancy acronyms: i work for the HSO office, we're a part of DOL/DPW.  and although when that sentence occurred to me, i had intended to translate, but i dont really feel like it.  you can google it, but it's not that interesting.  suffice it to say that i work at the off post housing office, or "Housing Services".  it is my job to assist soldiers in finding a house to rent in the community.  i also serve as a mediator between property managers and soldiers and make sure everyone acts in accordance with the Kansas Landlord and Tennant Laws.  occasionally i jump on a government website and process someone coming to post or leaving.  basically - my job duties are the same as my last job, minus about 75% of my work load.  oh yea, and i'm making about $10,000 more a year.  money is great, but really, my biggest relief is not having to be associated with the former company.  i'm not going to lie, the bosses were pretty miffed when i turned in my notice.  they took it as a personal insult that i would abandon the company.  and i did not make it much of a secret that i was miserable there, so i'm not sure why they're surprised.... but anyway, i've heard some shady things since i left but mostly i dont care.  shortly after announcing my plans to leave, i began to feel a weight lifting off of me that i had not fully realized had been there.  i am no longer dreading work, i am not stressed about life.  and if being around me wasnt obvious enough, a sure fire symbol of my new outlook on life is that my face, for the first time in about 5 years, is clearing up.  that's right - the pepperoni pizza chin is on the way out!!!  i wear makeup and fix my hair every day and i dress up in the nicest clothes that i own (that i can fit into) - and not because i'm told to look nice to suck up to a big cheese, but because i WANT to.  in fact, i have been told a number of times that there is no dress code down  here, i can wear jeans if i want to, but i dont.  well, i take that back, i have worked in the barracks a couple of days cleaning and i wore jeans, and i will be cleaning out the storage closet tomorrow so i'll wear jeans.  but otherwise, i'm pretty much a big fancy pants.
so being a government employee means training days and potential business training trips to exotic locations such as "Georgia" and "Fort whatever...".  i also have a retirement plan and all that good jazz.  i had never really thought of making a "career" out of a government job, but i'd be a fool not to.  the same benefits to a military career apply, but with less guns.  20 years = cushy retirement.  and once you're in the GS system, you are in for life.  when we go to another duty station, i will have priority placement for a job at or close to my current paygrade, regardless of qualifications, because i'm already here.  so that's pretty handy.
plus, my coworkers are really nice, which makes all the difference in the world!
so yea, life is good.
in other news: we continue to prepare for the upcoming deployment and are keeping extremely busy with that.
i also got to see cameron last weekend at the airshow out at Whiteman.  mom and dad came up and it was about a 2 hr drive for the 4 of us to go down to see him.  we spent Saturday together and my aunt and uncle and one of my cousins (who hadn't seen for a good 10-12 years) and his new wife came.  against my better financial judgement, i'm using the Special Occasion Excuse to go to wichita this next weekend also to see him again at the McConnell air show.  fiesta at mom and dad's saturday at 7.  i took a few pictures of our time together saturday and will obviously take more this weekend, but the computer at home is dead and i'm not big on laptops so i havent been online much to post anything.
hope all is well with everyone else!

not much to report

there is not much to report from Michelle World lately.  but as i'm sitting here killing time before my cooking class event tonight for work, i figured i might as well blog. 
charles returned from 30 days of exile in oklahoma last thursday.  it has been a lovely, odd, relaxing and frustrating week.  i did not do well without him this last stretch.  i think it is partly due to the fact that i had not yet gotten used to having him back after school (where he was gone for 6 or 8 weeks).  the general rule of thumb is that it takes as many days to get used to the presence of your soldier as days that he was gone.  it's true.  there are levels of adjustment and i can honestly say that we were not really fully adjusted after his last deployment for about a year.  and since we only had 4 weeks after he returned from school before he left again, it was just sort of off.  it was like he disappeared mid-stride and i wasnt really ready for it.  plus we only had 2 days notice before he left.  so consequently i spent the majority of the time without him recently being depressed, stressed, and in varying emotional states.  however, i do not share my burdens with charles for a number of reasons.  not only do i know what he would say, but i don't want to hear him say it; also, i know it will make it more difficult for him to know that i am not doing well.  instead i keep it inside and fight the urge to be resentful of him for things beyond his control - like his job.  nobody's perfect.  so anyway, now that he's back, we're adjusting again, in a lot of ways.
he is deploying again.  soon.  not to cuba.  i'm scared. 
he will begin a fast round of training in the near future and will leave for another 12 months.  my dear, dear God Squad -  you know what's up.  you know how the clock is always ticking over my head.  the ticking gets louder all the time.  but i have faith, and i know i am loved and have excellent support.  i have recently come to the realization that my intentions need to be less selfish.  yes, i still ask for patience; but now i also beg for a way to make it through another deployment without him.  (for both of our sakes, but mostly him)  if this last separation is any indication of how i will do alone, i won't last.  and honestly - charles does not, in any way, deserve to be worried about me when he's doing his job over there.  i have no choice but to get my act together, and fast.  through the grace of God only will i be able to accomplish this, because i know that as a human being, i have no idea how.  i jammed the piss out of my toe last weekend so running shoes are out of the question for now, but i'm thinking the time has seriously come when i need to get into the habit of running every day, even in the morning (which is my nemesis of an idea).   i'm also going to throw myself into my new Willow House business; there is plenty to do around the house and i can do that.  life happens. 
joy to the rest of you!  today is a good day.  the sun is out and the heat has finally let up.  

so proud!

anybody who knows me at all will know that it's a fact of life that my big brother can walk on water.  further proof can be found below:
http://thunderbirds.airforce.com/
click on "Team"
"NCO's"
"NCO Team 1"
scroll down and click on "TSgt Cameron Camacho"

those of you who went to high school with him perhaps have not seen that glowing, radiant smile.  I've known him for 28 years and dont even see it that often - he is so very happy and we are all so very very happy for him.  it's just amazing!
we'll get to see him soon in person.  mom and dad havent seen him since Christmas, I haven't seen him since summer 08.  He'll be doing an airshow about an hour and a half from here at Whiteman AFB in mid September and another one the next weekend in Wichita.  YAY! 
and just because i think everyone should look at this picture mulitple times:

the body delema

as i sat at a restaraunt last night waiting for some friends to arrive, drinking a long island iced tea sent from the heavens and people watching, i was reflecting on the self-image of society.  i know, deep stuff for a friday night at a bar.  but whatever.  there were a pair of young ladies sitting at the table next to me.  one was skinny and very fashion forward, the other thought she was skinny and was doing her best to be fashion forward.  from what i gathered about their conversation, they used to be close and had not spent much time together lately and were "reconnecting".  they talked about how things used to be when they hung out, how they were not looking forward to turning 23 *gasp* because they did not know what they wanted to do with their lives and dreaded all the questions from older relations.  (i actually laughed out loud at this and attempted to play it off that something funny was happening on the overhead tv...)  it got me thinking about perceptions, social implications, and something i ponder entirely too much: weight.
i am taking fat burning pills.  they have indeed been burning some of my fat, but mostly i think they inhibit my appetite, which is really more to the heart of my problem.  i love food.  i dont know anyone who doesnt love food.  i also have seen the scale tell me i weigh 200 pounds.  that makes me love food less... or at least take a serious look at its role in my body.
i'm not going to sit here and say that i dont want to be skinny, because i do.  but more importantly, i want to be skinny because that means i will be healthy.  i have become familiar enough with clothes to understand that it is possible to look great at any size if you know how to dress yourself.  but as my fantasticly supportive husband tells me, i am not happy at my weight and only i can change it.  he wants me to lose weight not because i'll miraculously turn into megan fox, but because he wants me to be happy with myself.  how's that for a concept to slap across the face of america?  be happy with yourself. 
for me, being happy with myself means that my belly does not protrude so far as to cause people to ask me when i'm due.  it's pretty frustrating for a person who has yet been able to become pregnant to be asked when she is due when she is NOT.  being happy also means that i am grateful for the things my body can do.  although i hate it that all my fat resides in my belly - at least it's all in one place!  my boss's ass has at least doubled in size since she started working there.  seriously.  i'd rather have a gut that hangs over my pants than have to buy pants 3 sizes too big just so they fit around my butt.  so i'm happy with my fat, even though i wish there were less of it.  my body is also strong.  i am tall and can reach things on high shelves and hardly EVER have to use a step ladder.  my body gives good hugs.  my body loves to receive hugs... especially squishy hugs.  my body will someday carry a baby - life will happen in my body.  my body is a miracle.

so even though it's not necessarily socially acceptable to prane around with the audacity to have curves in all the wrong places, i'm ok with that.  it's ok to be confident in your body, even though you might have a thing or two you are working to change about it.  i'm not about to walk around in public in a bathing suit but i will gladly throw on some jeans or sweats and a tshirt and go out and about feeling thankful that i am me.

my highly sought-after husband

so charles was off yesterday and today from work and so last night he met up with a friend (who is stationed at ft. Sill) from Cuba and they went out to taste the delights of the local boozery in backwoods po-dunk oklahoma.  i just got off the phone with him a bit ago to get the full report and amazingly, he does not speak highly of oklahoma society. 

as any faithful wife who is 100% in love with her good looking husband would, i am all the time telling him how attractive he is - for further proof, see the photo below where he poses as the lead news anchor for the channel 6 action news team along side his pimptastic cousin who stands to the left.  well apparently some hopped up girl at the bar agreed with me.  as he stood playing pool with his buddies, some random guy approached him asking to bum a cigarette, to which he generously consented.  the guy then proceeded to point out said random chick and suggest that charles go talk to her.  he seemed to have successfully sho-ed away the guy by telling him that he's married and clearly not interested in such bafoonery.  they must not think much of marraige in that area because then the girl herself approached him and attempted to engage him in conversation, etc.  slightly miffed and not at all flatered (apparently she wasnt much of a looker), he point blank asked her what her intentions were because he was under the impression that he had made it clear to her friend that he was not interested.  she claimed to have understood him to be married but just wanted to "see what he was like" - translation "how married are you?".  aaah such classy society.  lord help us if we ever get stationed there...  i may need to learn how to shoot a gun.

he's gone again

so monday morning we found out that charles was going to take a little trip to ft Sill, oklahoma for 30 days - he was supposed to leave on wednesday but they delayed it until today.  we also found out with certainty that he will be deployed again sometime after the first of the year.  which leaves us just a few months (once he returns from oklahoma) to continue the attempts at baby making.  no pressure.  i remember hearing at some point that there is literally a 4 hour window during which conception can take place.  it is difficult not to dwell on the number of hours we have and wonder how in the hell we're going to get it right.  but alas, i have no choice but to surrender it to God.  i just really really hope he sees fit to bless us with our miracle before charles leaves.  there are many things terrifying about the situation all around.  i suppose if we dont get pregnant before he goes, then i couldnt have handled it.  reflection: i'm either too weak and will be miserably alone in many ways, or i am strong and will be insanely stressed but deleriously happy.  i guess we'll see. 

garden update

as previously stated, my plants are doing swimmingly. 

this is my "lucky lavender bush".  joe and claudia told me that to plant a lavendar bush is lucky so to home depot i went in search of a bush.  they were all pretty sickly but i bought one anyway, willing to resort to any sort of foolishness to press my advantage for some special luck.  thankfully, it seems to have remained alive and even looks better than it did when i bought it, so that's good.  i was a bit worried about the cosmic implications associated with kiling a lucky lavender bush.  apparently the neighborhood cats wanted in on the luck also, as one left me a bit of a present.  is cat poop lucky?  we'll say yes, just so that i dont have to pick it up.

i've been god about pruning my rose bushes, i have 3 yellow ones.  this one is the happiest of all of them, a couple days ago i counted 14 blossoming buds.  it's just so beautiful!  i'm very happy with how well it's doing.

this picture doesnt do justice to the butterfly bushes but they are getting pretty free range.  i wish the others were growing as quickly, but overall i sure can't complain.

Beans was welcoming me home.  she says hi.

happy friday

greetings from my lame white collar world.  it is friday; amazingly enough, the bosses are not here; the office is not busy; and i do not feel like working in any way.  and thus i blog. 
not too much has happened since carlitos returned from school.  but i sure am happy that he's here.  i really do love being married.  i have had doubts about my vocation in the past, but not for a very long time, and i am confident that marriage is my vocation without a doubt.  it's such an amazing feeling to have someone always by your side (even if just in spirit and not always literally).  our military lifestyle is not always condusive to togetherness, and that often sucks.  but at least there is very little danger that i will take him for granted.  we have such a beautiful life together.  we have 2 good cars, a pantry full of food, a really cute dog, a nice house - but most importantly, we have each other always.  we have been tested, we know that we can make a life together even if WE'RE not together.  and we will be tested in that way again and again.  i'm not worried.  did you know that military marriages have over 75% divorce rate?  drill instructors, which is what he is working towards now, have over an 85% divorce rate?  isnt that depressing!?  it just makes me sad for those young military couples who dont really know what they're getting in to and are insecure and too dependant.  that's really where the problems begin.  it's easy to get scared, too scared to function.  but that's just not an option.  really, i dont see it as an option for any relationship.  you love and respect someone through thick and thin.  i guess the military has a few different twists on the "thick" part of it sometimes, but it's not like you get married to someone and then find out the next day that he's in the military. 
job search: an opportunity presented itself to work as an administrative assistant for the Leavenworth Catholic Schools but unfortunately i would have had to take a pay cut of about $12,000+ and i just can't afford to do that.  we're desperately trying to pay stuff off so that i might have a fighting chance to stay home and raise a baby or two.  but i am still in the running for 2 government jobs in the offpost housing office, which is actually in the basement of where i work now.  so i already know everyone and am familiar with the job.  i think i have a really good chance at one of those jobs and not only would that get me in the system for a government job (which is difficult to do and awesome to have your foot in the door) but it would be a small pay raise too.  i've been seriously considering trying my hand at being a pampered chef consultant.  i think i would do well at it and it will come in handy when charles leaves again.  yes, i realize this is a similar train of thought to one i had the last time he left.  but this is at least kitchen stuff and much less scandelous than my previous endeavor.  but i think i will be waitng until it gets closer to the time for him to leave before i act on it.  who knows what will happen between now and then.  and i certainly don't want to have to committ myself to lots of time away before he does leave.
so yea, a whole lot of nothing in michelle world.  hope everyone else is doing well - the weather is beautiful and life is good!

hello from sunny Leavenworth, Kansas

so the last couple months have gone by pretty quickly.  my dear husband will be home 1 week from today.  here's a bit of what i've been up to since he left:
1. landscaping: it's going swimmingly.  i've discovered that i really enjoy gardening.  the plants in the front are all very happy, with the exception of 2 small groundcover type things that croaked pretty fast.  mom is of the opinion that i did not plant them deep enough, and i tend to agree.  i've discovered that i am a bit too eager of a home remodelist.  i get so excited to see the end result that i dont always stop to do a quality job.  basically, i'm impatient.  not a big suprise, but interesting to see it unfold in this light.  so anyway, my plants are all doing very well.  the butterfly bushes exploded in deep purple blooms last week.  i have not taken any pictures, i should do that... yes.  i have several bags of mulch leftover and will be filling it in this weekend with more mulch.  i also added a lavender bush on Monday.  joe and claudia told me to plant lavender for good luck, and since baby making is my #1 priority, i figured i might as well do all the lucky stuff i can.  so a lavender bush it is! 
2. bedroom remodel: gosh am i glad to be done with that one!  it was a lot of fun though and it looks even more amazing than i pictured it to look in my head.  i scraped the popcorn off the ceiling and it looks a lot better, much more clean.  and a coat of paint on the walls works wonders.  i learned that it's best to seal the ceilings with kilz.  a lesson i put to work in the bathroom but did not correct in the ceiling.  i'll regret that later, but in the mean time i'm ok with that peely odd look.  the time will eventually come when we have no furniture in that room and i might fix it then... maybe.

fabric headboard made of plywood and foam/batting: a lovely DIY.com find

my sewing skillz at work.  i LOVE having a curtained window, it keeps out so much light!  it's the only window in the house with a curtain, the rest are just blinds.  :)

i'm especially excited about the dresser.  a $450 find at nebraska furniture mart.  i've always wanted one of these!  i just changed the knobs and viola!

3. bathroom remodel: kudos to the parental units for doing the majority of this one.  as previously mentioned, i am not a perfectionist and i am impatient.  luckily for me, my dad does not operate the same way.  he and mom were in town for the week surrounding memorial weekend and in addition to a variety of other duties, they started and did much work on my bathroom remodel.  this is for charles' bathroom in the hallway and the main one used by everyone except me.  the paint is the same as the colors of the bedroom: gray.  and i have repainted the cabinets and have had much help from joe and claudia's man hands with all of my projects.  the fields' have built the bathroom shelf that i designed and joe put down part of the flooring, claudia helped me on some of the cabinet painting.  there is still much left to do but it's more finished than not.  i havent taken too many pictures of that, i'll add that to the photo run later.  but it looks really cool and i'm SUPER excited for charles to see that and all of my projects since he left.  he has seen pictures on facebook of the landscaping and bedroom but that's it.  and he doesnt know much at all that's happening in his bathroom.  muahahahaha.  he's going to LOVE it!

4. surgery: mom and dad were up here to babysit me a couple weeks ago.  in the ever-exciting road to fertility i had a laparoscopic procedure done on 26 May to see what's going on in the downstairs. it went well, i was extremely nervous that the dr. wouldn't find anything to fix, but alas, God is good.  my innards and outards looked exactly like they should and when he shot the dye through my tubes it found a blockage but then pushed said blockage out under pressure from the dye.  a perfect scenario.  i go for my follow up appointment to learm more about what he saw/did and to go over the totally rad pictures he gave me of my ovaries, etc.  i plan to have him attack the photos with a sharpie because to me it basically looks like a trip to the butcher shop gone wrong.  so we'll see how that goes.  the surgery itself went well but the recovery has been nothing short of a major bitch.  i am almost back to 100% but it's been slow-going. 

hmmm, i cant think of much else.  i havent really exercised much since he left because of the house projects and surgery, but hopefully i'll be cleared to start again after my appt. monday.  my eating hasnt slowed down in any way even though my activity has.  so the pants are getting a bit tight again. 

i love him!

stupid photobucket!

i have no idea how to make this damn thing work!

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Landscaping project

yet another rainy friday: it's all good

when i leave work in 21 minutes, i will go home where my mom and "dog sister" are waiting.  we will spend the weekend working on my landscaping project, eating pasta, eating chocolate, probably drinking, and maybe shopping a bit.  this is our early mother's day extravaganza weekend.  i'm pretty excited. 
carlitos left yesterday.  i am very impressed with myself that i did not even cry or get upset yesterday morning when i turned away from my half-sleeping husband in bed and stalked out the door to go to work.  i'll admit that i had about 10 seconds of "ooh, boo." and then i took a deep breath and kept going.  progress!  i will NOT go so far as to say that i'm excited about spending almost 2 months without him, cause i'd obviously much rather have him here.  but i'm looking forward to the time to spend exercising and working on the house.  i always work better under pressure and i have many ideas for home improvements and a deadline of things i want to accomplish before he gets home.  i am also looking forward to not having to make dinner if i don't feel like it, or being able to watch a disney movie or harry potter without listening to sniffles in the corner.  i realize i watch the same movies over and over again - i have a select few movies that i like and i dont really care to watch anything new.  that's just my thing.  whatever.  this is apparently extremely frustrating to other people.  but lucky for me, i dont care!  so when i get to the point that i have accomplished enough of my home improvement tasks, i might allow myself a 6 hour pride and prejudice festival.  this is not something that can be done with a husband in the house and i honestly don't think i've watched it since he got back from the last deployment.  now that calls for some sniffling in the corner! 
all the ladies in the office ordered carryout from an italian place in town and i opted for a salad from the salad bar at the commissary.  it was the best $8 salad i've ever had.  just about the time i was skipping back in to work feeling proud of my salad-eating, someone came back to the kitchen with a dirt cake made for us by a former resident.  2 huge helpings later, i will go home and probably go out to eat italian with mom tonight.  horay for elastic pants!
fertility update: my lab work from last week came back normal.  so the previously suspected "Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrom" nightmare has apparently been discounted.  i'm happy about it i suppose, but i'm getting the impression now that they dont really know what's wrong with me.  however, my doctors on post have done all they can to check things and, knowing my time crunch situation, called me this afternoon to tell me about my results and informed me that they had already scheduled me an appointment with my OB/GYN off post for Tuesday.  Lord bless them!  i am increasingly excited about each next step in the process towards finding a solution.  i am 100% confident that it will work out and that i will soon get to do the *happy pregnancy dance*, i am just impatient.  but alas, as with the rest of any important life situation: i wait.  i suppose since i am "waiting" for so many things in my life, it's best to view the situations not so much as things between which to kill time.  because to spend my life "waiting for the good stuff to happen" is incredibly depressing.  thus: until charles comes home, i will be very busy exercising and working on the house and i will enjoy it.  and until we get pregnant, we will keep trying, enjoying that too!  smile - life is about filling up the wait with cool stuff.  yay!

rainy Friday

so i'm at work in body and that's about it.  it's rainy and my house is dirty.  granted, the dog doesnt mind, and she's the one who's there most out of the 3 of us, but i do.  my bathroom and the kitchen are in desperate need of attention, so much so that i might actually not put it off this weekend and scrub that toilet and shower.  boo.
we have become quite the social butterflies, carlitos and i.  tonight we have been invited to a friend's 30th bday bbq.  guests were asked to bring side dishes or desserts.  if i can find room on the counters amidst the dirty dishes (and if it hasn't gone bad already), i think i will cut up the pinapple i bought at sam's last week and take it.  it is well below my usual dish-bringing show off standards, but it's also something that does not require me to go to the store after work and i'm sure it will be well-recieved.  if not, i'll just bring it back home and eat it myself.  tomorrow we will be doing a crab boil.  our new friends, jeremy and kelly, are from upper new york and have introduced us to fun new food.  jeremy and charles did well at a poker game last weekend and decided to spend their winnings on snow crab that was on sale at dillons.  so now i have 10 pounds of pinky crab legs in my big freezer in the garage.  being inexperienced in the fine art of crab anything, i asked jeremy what one would typically pair with crab to make a meal.  "butter, lots of butter.  and maybe a little salt.  but mostly butter." was his reply.  i pressed further and he started naming off fancy things like seafood stuffed mushroom caps and many other things that sound fancy and involve more seafood but i can't remember any of them.  anyway, the overall theme was more seafood (and butter).  so i found a couple of interesting recipes that i will try, one being lobster cakes.  and i like bacon-wrapped bbq shrimp, so i'm going to do that too.  or perhaps just ax the lobster cakes and save money and just do the shrimp and some potatos or something.  who knows.  sunday i'm just planning to lay around having gas after eating all the craziness today and tomorrow.  should be fun.
i have the dog a bath yesterday, well, actually a shower.  she was not a fan - but she smells better at least. 
charles will leave for school in a week and a half.  i'm not looking forward to it but plan to try to keep pretty busy.  i will be starting a fairly large landscaping project hopefully this weekend.  once that is complete i will look inside the house and see what sort of mischief i can handle in there. 
it is generally acknowledged in our house that we can assume that charles will be leaving for deployment towards the end of the summer, by choice.  he will make sandcastles for 1 year.  it's lame, but it is what it is.  mostly i'm not really dealing with it yet.  i will be sad, he will leave, i will be much more sad, then i will go through the usual stages of the separation process and will eventually settle into my new routine.  mostly i just want to be pregnant before he leaves.  even knowing that i could go through it 99% alone and 100% without my husband, i know that i will be 1,000,000 times more upset about him leaving if i am not pregnant when he does.  but alas, i am not the puppet master in this show, and here i sit.  so hopefully my sonograms and various associated proddings will get me all fixed up before he gets back from school.

Peter

i've been going to a differnet church for the last month or so and i really enjoy it most out of all 5 or 6 churches i've tried out since leaving home.  well, today's gospel is one of my favorites.  it was the one about doubting thomas.  i think this is one of the most identifiable gospel readings of all.  one of charles' biggest turn off's with the catholic church is how we are all constantly being told that we are sinners.  well, newsflash: we are!  just look at thomas - he actually personally knew jesus and still acted like an idiot.  my priest pointed out something i hadn't ever realized too, thomas was with jesus when he raised lazarus from the dead.  yet he still didn't believe?  come on now - really?  but while i imagine that everone can identify with thomas, peter's story is what really spoke to me today.  the homily was about how we identify with our beliefs, especially the resurrection.  it is one thing to say "yes, i believe that the earth orbits the sun".  this has no social implications for us, it does not define us as a person because it is a commonly known fact.  whereas if we were to say "yes, i believe that jesus died for us and rose from the dead and is in heaven preparing a nice cushy chair for us, should we deserve it" - well that's quite something else.  people will ask us questions, they might think differently of us or might identify with us differnetly and challenge us.  so while making this point, the priest brought up the fact that of the 12 guys that jesus specifically called to himself as desciples, 25% of them were idiots.  judas betrayed him then killed himself, thomas had his head up his butt, and peter denied him 3 times and then ran away and hid while his best friend was being brutally murdered. 
so i was dwelling on poor peter.  what an emotional roller coaster he had!  he was the most beloved, he was the closest to jesus.  he spent every day with this man for 3 years and really knew him.  i think of the friends i've made in the last 3 years and how well i know them.  now add onto that the ministry and the trials that they all endured together, the miracles they saw, the places they went, the people they effected and the followers they had.  they went through a lot in those 3 years.  so then things start to go south and jesus is more closely watched.  people are trying to trip him up and get him into trouble; and peter is his right hand man.  his best friend is coming under fire and he is an accomplice.  do you stand with him or step back?  now he's been captured.  peter stood by and watched his friend be taken away by soldiers, then he was afraid, probably feeling incredibly guilty, but obviously more afraid.  he ran away from the scene and did nothing.  nothing.  he walked further away, didnt try to speak up for his friend, didn't try to help him carry his cross (a stranger in the crowd did that), didnt try to wipe his face (a group of women did that), didn't even try to comfort his mother (one of the other guys did that).  he ran.  then when accused of being with jesus, he pretended that he didnt even know him.  we've all had some embarassing friends, but let's say those embarassing friends were God - would you pretend that you didnt know him just because it might make you socially uncomfortable or might catagorize you in some way?  well peter did - x3.  guilt guilt guilt.  so as if he wasnt already feeling like a scum bag, about this time he hears that judas, another friend, has killed himself for what he's done, for his guilt.  wouldnt you imagine that peter considered the same thing?  instead he hides.  after a couple of days, he gets wind of the fact that jesus' tomb is empty.  maybe he's just starting to crawl out of his guilt and deal with the mourning process.  his friend has died and that's gotta be tough.  who will lead us now? and on top of that, someone stole his body.  so he checks it out - yep, he's gone.  now what?  where do i go?  who can i tell?  will my other friend accept me back after i totally ditched out on everything? 
well luckily they did and he pulled himself back up on his feet and went on with life - i imagine having learned a healthy dose of self-awarness, humility, and courage.  this, one of the weakest and strongest of men was chosen to lead the faith. 
we're all sinners.  check.  we all go through our own emotional roller coasters and our own times of weakness and trial - but why?  perhaps we should all remember poor peter when things really start to suck.  instead of a "poor me" or a "this is too hard", maybe we could think: god is preparing us for something amazing.  without becoming acquainted with our weakness, we will not be able to realize our strengths.  and i believe that god calls us to be strong.  he calls the weak and makes us strong.  and that, just like anything worth havng or being, requires some sacrifice.

Re-Enlistment 2010

so charles signed his re-enlistment contract today for another 4 years of service.  he had 2 left, but when you re-up it starts over again, so he has just a straight 4 years left.  at that point, he'll be almost to 10 years total, so he'll re-enlist indefinitely next time. 

i doubt there is anyone who reads this regularly who isnt in the loop, but just in case - up until yesterday afternoon, we were under the impression that he was signing his re-enlistment contract to send us to Germany in August.  well that didnt happen.  apparently uncle sam is quite the practical joker because since finding out that our plans had fallen through, i have talked to many current and former military wives who have had the same experience.  lovely.  but alas, there is a reason for everything and i have accepted the situation with the knowledge that God is keeping us here for a reason and i'm sure it's a really good one.  so i'm ok.  but i sure was excited to go!  so now's not the time, but eventually it will come.  yes mom, it will come.

**

so in a ceremony that was supposed to be much cooler and involving an authentic Storm Trooper costume, my most excellent husband volunteered to serve us for another 4 years this morning.  here he is with LT Tabares.  "The LT", as he's called, joined the Army as an officer so he was pretty "green" (inexperienced) when he first came here.  Charles greatly admires him and we have all gotten to know him.  he's a really nice guy and does well to work for his soldiers and the company.  naturally, it was he who charles wanted to be the officer for his re-enlistment.  now the poor LT has only re-enlisted one other person before charles, so he was pretty nervous.  there is a whole "repeat after me" thing that he has to say and he can't mess it up.  he only flubbed on one part but was able to do it without notes.  afterwards he admitted that he has been practicing at home in front of the mirror for the last week so that he didnt screw up.  :)

LT talking about what an honor it is to be asked to re-enlist Carlitos.

"repeat after me"

i get a certificate too because "the army doesnt just re-enlist soldiers, they re-enlist families".  it has a whole speel on it about how much my service is appreciated and is very nice.  i am wearing heels today, just so you know.

LT had initially forgotten to give me my certificate and he had also forgotten to sign it.  he was flustered and nervous, as previously stated.  so about the time they started snapping pictures he realized that fact and everyone laughed at him - thus my laughing.  still a good picture though.  he offered to pose the picture again with the "signed" certificate, but i declined.  :)
after all the photos and certificates, charles is given the floor to make a speech.  he's a good speech-maker and this was no exception.  he spoke first about me and how much he appreciates me and my support.  it was very nice.  my favorite part, though, was that he publicly acknowledged that he is grateful for my optimism.  (check that out mom!)  "without my wife and her optimism and positive attitude, i would not have anything to look forward to."  which sounds depressing as i type it and read it, perhaps i am remembering it incorrectly, but it was very nice.  and for him to say out loud, even in front of people, that he appreciates that about me is very big.  usually he gives me crap about it because he prefers to be "realistic".  it was just wonderful.  afterwards he went on to thank our friends and his co-workers who were there and speak about how they are all part of our military family and he appreciates them and that we are family for life.  it was very nice.  :)
so there ya go, i had hoped this post would be the WE'RE GOING TO GERMANY! post, but instead it's just another day in our fabulous life together.  it's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and i am married to my best friend the soldier.  life is good.

Slim Down Fort Leavenworth - the conclusion

So my big 3 month Fat Fest 2010 work event has finished.  this last saturday i co-sponsored a 5K "Fun Run" with FMWR (Family, Morale, Welfare & Recreation: military-wide organization in charge of making life suck less).  it was about 40 degrees outside and raining like crazy.  all things considered, we had a pretty awesome turnout.  all those diehards with super cut legs and tiny shorts were there and the top 10 finishers ran between 18 and 22 minutes.  i suspect it was to get it over with sooner, but i doubt it.  they seemed to be enjoying it.  freaks!! 

yes, people brought their kids.  here was a cute little pre-run stretch fest, thought it was pretty cute.

that 12 foot tall skinny man in the front was one of the top finishers.  he ran the course for a warm up, ran it in the race, came back first or second, then ran it again just to do it i guess.  pretty hardcore.

there were many strollers.  again: 40 degrees and rainy. 

this kid has a pretty decent cheering section.  his dad runs marathons and he has been training for this race with his dad for some time now.  he's 7 and was extremely proud to be finishing his first 5K.

more public speaking Michelle-style

due to the weather, these 4 were the only of my participants who stayed till the end for the awards ceremony.  it's a good thing though, they won all the awards anyway.  my winning team of 4 people lost a combined 74 pounds.  the couple on the left were 1/2 of the team.  the person who logged the most time exercising is the woman on the left, 4975 minutes - 82 hours, 55 minutes.  this is in 11 weeks.  and the Biggest Loser is her husband, second from the left in the light shirt.  he lost 40 pounds or 18.6% of his body weight.  quite impressive!  i had such a good time with this event and i'm very proud of it.  a total of 375 pounds was lost by the whole group, which is pretty amazing. 

so now it's done and i'm on to planning my next big event: Spring Fling.  should be quite a gaggle.

next update: Charles' Re-enlistment and its effects.  oooohhhh yeeeaaa.

lazy sunday

i dont really have anything of importance to share, i was just reading the updates on life from my dear friends and thought i'd add one too.
- exercising has been going pretty well.  i really like Body Pump class - it's like total body strength training death to funky upbeat music with nice instructors telling you new ways to cause yourself pain.  oddly theraputic, plus, i've been able to add more weight, so that means i'm getting stronger.  and that's nice.  i have noticed minor differences in the level of fat on my body, but have not weighed myself for a few weeks.  the last time i did, after working diligently for a few weeks at the gym, the scale was the same.  i was so pissed i decided that i didnt need to look at it any more for a while. 
- along the same lines, my Slim Down Fort Leavenworth work event ends next Saturday.  i'll post pictures and results - not necessarily because people care, but because i'm really proud of it.  definitely a job highlight.
- this wednesday i will go to the Black Eyed Peas concert.  i have floor tickets - which means thursday i'll have a headache, probably an unknown and unfamiliar version of a contact high from something or another, and most likely some bruises.  should be fun.
- thursday i have an appointment with my doctor to get probed.  i'm hoping very much she will be able to look at me and say "yes, THAT right there is why you are not yet pregnant.  let me just take a second to remove it and you may now go forth and multiply."  say some prayers.  i have been doing better with my patience, but charles will be gone to school for a month and a half starting the end of April, many changes are possible once he returns and i struggle not to let myself feel the time crunch.  i know God has His own timing, but i would appreciate it very much if His timing included the possibility that my husband and i could deliver a baby side by side... and preferably in the same country as our families (although that one is less important to me than his presence - sorry mom, it's true).
- we cleaned the house this weekend.  i have a roast in the crock pot and it smells good.
- i have learned how to play poker and i like it.  i picture myself winning thousands of dollars some day.  i'm also full of crap.

and since i have no cute kid pictures to post, here's an eyebrow-raiser for you:

Living the Life

Anyone who knows me well would know how much i LOVE the military life.  I have been reflecting on this lately because, now that the weather is nicer, there seems to be an influx of people out and about in the town.  I have seen a couple of people in full uniform with a ruck sack practicing for a march of some sort.  (translation: full daily uniform plus massive backpack with 50+ pounds of gear stuffed inside.  backpack is called "ruck sack" and marches with them are called "ruck marches".  often, for a competition or as a part of some sort of test, soldiers have to do a 20 or 50 or whatever mile ruck march.)  i have also seen a lot of people running around town in their PT (physical training) uniforms.  i just love it!  i love to be on post and be surrounded by so many people who are disciplined, clean cut, upstanding citizens.  i love to go to walmart and see the distinction between people.  men with facial hair are not in the military, men without usually are.  even without that, military families carry themselves differnetly.  it's difficult to describe.  i can tell who the young soldiers are and i can tell who is higher ranking.  pride.  wisdom.  duty.  it's all very much a "worn on your shoulder" kind of thing around here and it's beautiful to see and exciting to be a part of! 

i live for such occasions as above.  charles is the guy closest at the head of the rows, he is giving the commands for the retiring of the colors.  not only do i love this life, but i am beyond proud of my husband.  he is a great husband and will be an amazing father at some point, but he was made to be a soldier.  it's who he is.  i understand and deeply respect that about him.  when we first were married, it pissed me off when he'd say "i love you, and you're my wife.  but i'm a soldier first."  well, it's just true.  he is a man, yes, he is human.  but he's a soldier.  it just is.  and i love that about him!  i dont like to be apart, but that's part of the life, taking the good with the bad.  he is a leader, he is a person with integrity, and he serves.  every good woman has a great husband with those same qualities in some form or another, but i guess i feel cool because living those qualities is my husband's job. 

i never imagined that i would be considered part of a "military family", but i am.  here is my brother.  another amazing man of whom i am extremely proud.  cameron has been in the air force for 12 years this fall and has made his way up to the same rank that my grandfather was when he retired.  God bless my parents for supporting their children and our decisions to live this life.  i know it is not easy for them but they understand why we do it and why we love it and they are amazingly strong people.  (plus they love to take trips to see us, even if cameron gets cooler duty stations than we do)

here is charles "living the life".  if you've ever wondered what Guantanamo Bay, Cuba looks like, now you know.  here's the bay.  :)  He has gone twice, both times were great learning experiences (for both of us), and both changed him.  just based on the few things i am allowed to know about his time there, i can tell you - pray for our soldiers now and always.  do NOT pay attention to the media slander.  you want to piss me off?  start a conversation about GTMO and that whole situation.  the freedoms that this man and so many others fight to protect are daily responsible for besmirtching the reputation of our country and its soldiers. 

and finally, this one.  bar none, the best part about this life is my love.  this was taken shortly after we got home from the airport when he took his mid-tour leave during his last deployment.  we will be married 4 years in may, and my honeymoon period starts over after every absense.  you want to put some spark in your marriage?  send your husband to hell for 6 months, get a couple weeks with him, then send him away again for another 6 months.  i consider myself lucky to have every second that i do with this man, and i know full well that all too soon the time will come again when i drop him off at an airport for a year or so.  he does what he does for his country and for his family.  he does it well and i appreciate it.  i am happy to take some small part in his sacrifices by supporting him and being a strong wife while he is gone and when he needs my help.  our military family is our family.  we support each other in many ways.  sometimes he gets frustrated with his job and talks about getting out but i admit, i always try to talk him into staying in.  not only would he be miserable as a civilian (no matter how much he denies it) but, selfishly, i dont want to give this up.  good and bad - it's my life.  and i love it.  :)

Slim Down Fort Leavenworth

so one of my many hats at work (yes, more work stories.. honestly i don't do much else) is actually in accordance with my "title" as Community Outreach: i plan events for the residents on post.  it's probably the most rewarding part of my job, and i'm happy to do it because that means that i get to be the person in the company that most everyone likes because i give them fun, free things to do and lots of prizes.  so, by far, my biggest adventure of the year event-wise is the Slim Down Fort Leavenworth program.  this is my 2nd year doing it and it is HU-UGE compared to last year.  last year, for the 3 month program, i had about 40 people to start with and lost all but 10 by the end of it.  i only did 3 events and they were poorly attended.  this year i have taken the suggestions i received at the end of the party last time and expanded the program to include all kinds of fantasticosity.  for example:

1. Report Cards: everyone is given a Welcome Packet full of exercise and nutrition info as well as a report card that doubles as a calendar of events/BMI chart.  by keeping track of their exercises, etc., they can earn points towards lots of...
2. Prizes: instead of 1 prize for the Biggest Loser like last year, i have that one plus a prize for the most points racked up on the report cards, a self-nominating prize for learning about better nutrition, and a Team Player prize for teams of 4 people who lose the most weight.

3. Events: in addition to the kickoff event, i have also done a series of free aerobics classes, a Healthy Eating cooking class, and am partnering with lots of organizations on post to do other things like a 5K Fun Run at the end, followed by my awards ceremony.

I have over 100 people signed up and they all received tshirts (designed by me, they're pretty funny.) and water bottles with the company logo and all that crap.  and i send out weekly emails of encouragement to everyone also, that seems to be pretty popular.    so this week i think is either week 7 or 8 of 12, so we're almost done.  but as of the end of week 6, the half way point, of the 49 people who check in with me every week for Weigh In Wednesday, 275 pounds had been lost.  so it's safe to say that half of my group has fizzled out on me, but still - almost 300 pounds lost in 6 weeks!  it's pretty amazing.  you see now why this is the most rewarding part of my job?  people's lives are changing.  it just blows me away.  i am so excited for the end of the program, not because i want it to be over, but i want to see what everyone has accomplished! 

here are some pictures from my SDFL events so far this year:

i had a heck of a crowd at the kickoff - i think i counted about 75 people.  here is the guy from the gym doing his "this is what the gym has to offer and this is why you should exercise" speech.

yes, i do public speaking now - it's weird.  it has taken me a couple of years, but i can do it now without looking like a total idiot and people seem to think i'm entertaining, despite my chins.

part of the kickoff event was that, in addition to the exercise and nutrition talks, people could take 2 free aerobics classes: this is body pump, they also did my beloved Zumba.

not the greatest picture, but this was my cooking class which took place last Thursday.  it was the 2nd biggest class i've ever had. 

so yea.  that's a bit of what i'm up to.