not so hot

well in reading over my last post, i realize i was a bit too confident too soon.  charles is in texas training this week and i'm getting a very brief refresher in how much it sucks to be alone.  well, i shouldnt say "alone".  i have an absolutely amazing group of friends here who are already taking up the banners an doing their duties in supporting myself and the other wives in my position.  it's a pretty great feeling to have this family up here who understand what it's like and know how to help.  but considering that none of those friends read my blog (to my knowledge at least), i dont want to short change you guys back home who support me too.  prayers are good and always welcome.  but i can imagine that it's hard to relate to my life just as it's hard for me to relate to yours as you raise your kiddos.  but i must say, yours is probably easier to figure out.  so i'm sorry if you find yourself wanting to help me and not knowing how.  i could type all day long about what it's like to be an army wife... really, i could.  but i dont know if it would make any more sense when i was finished than it does now (although i like to think that my powers of written expression are fairly sufficient).  suffice it to say that it's a complicated mix of emotions.  at any given minute i am: fine, agonizing, stressed, happy, sad, completely content, at peace, miserable, etc.  it is my goal to be stable.  to "thrive" seems like an insult to the lack of husband, and to be miserable is an insult to  his limited level of long distance support.  and so i strive to be stable and walk the line between a 365 day pity party and just a party. 
dont really think i had a purpose in ranting as such.  mostly i guess i wanted to vent that i miss my husband and i am not at all looking forward to dealing with this emotion again for an extended period of time. 
on a good note though, one of said awesome friends up here was emailing me today and she has agreed to help me in my quest to get in shape.  she used to be a drill instructor so it should be pretty awesome.  yea - imagine that!  beautiful blond army chick with 3 kids who used to be a drill instructor.  you just never know...