May

Out the window - sunny and beautiful. it was in the 50s earlier in the week and in the 80s by the end. why not!
wearing - disguisatory black pants/shirt with an even further disguisatory cardigan.

big boy - sassy mcsasserson has been getting in trouble a lot for his mouth! between the uncharted waters of high emotions and the knowledge of better self-expression, it's been a rough couple of months for mr. Cameron. but we're working through it and somewhat succeeding at being loving parents instead of snarling rage-monsters who give in to their first instinct to bite at every piece of bait offered. it's a work in progress. beyond all that, he's doing really well. he only wears a diaper at night. he doesn't have any dry diapers yet, so I really don't know what the signal is for moving away from that. any thoughts? he's still a super sweet boy and takes very good care of his little brother. he's very good at comforting him and making him laugh or distracting him while I'm changing a diaper, etc. it's quite magical. they also scold each other, which is annoying but mostly hilarious. and "BROTHER!!!!" is often heard loudly through the house with varying degrees of linguistic command. makes my heart happy. :)

little boy - also pretty sassy, but more so with actions than words. if ever there was a kid who was a little turkey, it is my lukey. he will *sometimes* give me hugs and very rarely kisses, Charles is lucky to get either, and Ms. Kim at daycare is pretty much on equal footing with me. he used to hug Cameron goodnight, but now he just wants to be chased down and knocked to the ground and have a hug wrestled out of him. not even lying. and none of the other 3 of us usually have the energy for that nonsense. he is talking a lot more and we're all working to reinforce the manners. again. we just got the paperwork yesterday that he will be transitioning into his next classroom at the end of the month, so that will be fun! his Ms. Kim was quite devastated though. but in this new room they will work on potty training and his language will really take off! he will be in there with 18mo -3 yr olds, so it will bring a whole lot of changes in our house this summer I'm sure.

in the kitchen - minimal inspiration lately. I made an obnoxious amount of a goulash kind of situation a couple days ago and have 2 servings left. tonight I think we'll clean up some more leftovers and then tomorrow I will come up with something new to cook since it is my off day from the gym. this weekend my and charles' moms will be up, so i'll need to have something worked up.

crafting - yea, no. I moved lucas' almost-finished baby quilt from his room out to the dining room this weekend while cleaning in hopes that I might finish it soonish.

reading - chipping away at that big 7-book jane Austin collection that Charles got me. I finished sense and sensibility over the weekend and am now on P & P. it's really nice to read the stories and compare the difference from the movies and especially with P & P I'm happy to have a copy without someone else's notes all over it! My other copy was a used book from WSU that was written all over by people who often had no idea what was going on. pretty annoying.

bringing me joy - Charles has started up with online college classes, we're in week 2. not only am I really excited about that just to get it going, but also we are doing it together. I will be doing some of the classes and he will be doing others so that we can knock them out faster and divide and conquer. but this first one is an orientation class of sorts and we have been spending time every night working side by side. it makes me happy. it's not the ideal way to spend time together, but it is a way and I'm grateful for it. another source of joy is training and gym time. I've not yet officially signed up for the KC Half, but I am training for it. this weekend I will attempt my first run with the Leavenworth running club that I have just discovered/joined. I have a loooong way to go.

thinking about - said adventures with the running club. running, in general, causes me an unneccesary and irrational amount of anxiety. I'm actively working to overcome it, but it has been a fight and continues to be one. one of the many reasons why I am highly motivated to run half marathons - I am determined to beat my fear, however ridiculous it is.
also thinking about the job situation. I applied for another one last night that I am confident I will not get. ugh. there are so many conflicting emotions about the whole situation. and now Cameron's education is thrown into the mix. he is approved for a spot in the preschool on post for next year, but that is only an option if I am an employee of the district. if I get a job in the middle of the school year, he will no longer be able to attend, but he will also have missed his shot to start at the preschool in the CDC (which is the backup plan right now). he will be able to start on post for kindergarten, so it's not like it's a total loss. I just don't want him to have to switch programs mid-year. so I feel that I either have to get a job over the summer or wait till after the school year, and that's not a good financial alternative for my family. adulting is crap.
picture: monkey see, monkey do. :)

the kid that's hard to love

please somebody tell me that I'm not alone here. I love my kids completely, they are amazing. but that little one of mine is the MASTER of pushing my buttons and honestly, sometimes it's a real struggle to keep it together! have you ever had someone in your life who seemed to bring out the worst in you? every mean thing you could think of to say, every uncharitable thought or sarcastic, short-fused reaction that occurs to you will undoubtedly come out around this person. doug r. was that person for me in high school. I am still ashamed at some of the things I said to that poor kid for no reason at all. and I fear that my lukey will be another of those people if I let my guard down. he seems to bring out the worst of my parenting far too often.
granted, I fully acknowledge that I have some issues of my own. it does not take much to make me angry, and I allow quite a few insignificant things to effect me negatively. but holy crap! this is a kid who does. not. listen. almost every attempt at discipline is met with laughter, an increase in the behavior, or is just plain ignored. consequently, most of my time with him seems to be him terrorizing everyone and me trying very hard not to be clenched up just waiting for the next thing he does that will drive me nuts.
diaper changes: 90% of the time I have to pin him to the ground with my left leg while he lays perpendicular to my body and I keep a death grip on the ankles of his kicking (hard!) legs so that I can do my thing, all while he laughs like a loon or is otherwise screaming because he can't do whatever he wants to do. I am terrified that by my trying to hold him down so that I can change or dress him without him flailing in his own poop or running away I will accidentally leave a mark on his body and the daycare will call social services on me or something. sometimes it seems like EVERYTHING with him is this complicated. when we're all in the kitchen and I'm trying to get food ready or clean and he has to be up my butt or hanging on to my pants yanking them down, etc. meals are always stressful because he throws food, upturns his drink to play in it, or the new one is to use his waffle like a Kleenex, then rub the whole snotty/waffle/peanut butter mess in his hair before generously offering it to or throwing it at me with the gleeful exclamation of "eeewww! yucky!!".
I don't know, I'm sure I'm over-dramatizing it. he's really been getting to me lately and I'm starting to feel like it will always be this hard even though I know that's not true. on the flip side of all the craziness, he really is a sweet boy. he loves his brother and the dogs and is really talking up a storm. he likes to play games and wrestle and I swear that his smile is the source of all sunshine. he's just a tornado. a beautiful and devastating tornado to all things calm. I'm terrified to see what kind of teenager he will be. in the meantime, i'll just continue to do the best I can to avoid getting myself sent to prison and ride it out! but any words of wisdom for dealing with difficult kids would be greatly appreciated.

i am about to fall asleep at my desk

I'm in that post-lunch coma part of my day and my current project is almost as boring and repetitive as anything could possibly be. so maybe a blog post will keep me from slamming my face on my keyboard.
my goodness, where have the last couple of months gone?! I find myself often referring to my stage of life as a "season". so I'm quite entrenched in the season of life that makes me simultaneously elated and miserable/exhausted and enthused/in awe and in such deep amounts of stress that I don't know how I function. I'm sure you can relate. life is good, it really is a lot of fun. but hard. man is it hard sometimes! for the sake of direction - journal:
out the window - overcast and chilly. it was in the 70s this weekend though, which is quite lovely for February. I'm still waiting for the shoe to drop and that 8 inches of snow to dump down and provide me with a snow day off work.
wearing - black pants (the balloon-butt, too shorty kahkis have finally gone away!!), black shirt and red sweater. whatever.
little boy - lukey jabbers on like a monkey! he's in that super fun stage where he knows a LOT of words but can only say a fraction of them. so asking him to do something is generally pretty effective because he's so happy that he knows what you're talking about. :) he's started with the "MIIIIIIIINE" business though, which is not so adorable. so lessons in sharing all around. he was sick for the whole week a couple weeks back, so we got some good snuggle time. between teething and an ear infection, he was having a rough time. but it seems to have leveled out now for the most part.
big boy - mr. Cameron turns FOUR next month! goodness gracious this kid is a hoot. he is just the sweetest boy and so smart. he has recently earned himself the nickname of Prince Charming at school for insisting to help one of his teachers put on her shoe. and praise the lord, he finally eliminates all bodily functions in the toilet!!! he's had some accidents at school because he is too busy playing, but for the most part he does very well. the next step will be no diapers at night, but I don't think that's coming any time soon and I'm not in a huge hurry about it. all the same, any pointers would be great.
cooking - steaks on the grill this last weekend, so that's what we're having tonight for leftovers. spaghetti and turkey meatballs tomorrow. I caught a great sale on chicken at dillons a while back, so I might thaw out some of the quarters and make sweet potato fries.
crafting - Charles has volunteered me to make some seat cushions for his office, so if we can both manage to keep ourselves together next weekend we will get to a fabric shop and try to make that happen.
reading - I'm on the last book of the outlander series. noooooo!!!! there is another one in production but it will be a while. I downloaded some books to my tablet because the play store had a lot of classic novels for free, but I've had an incredibly annoying eye twitch for a good month now and I am not too eager to top my 8 hrs of work screen time with another lump of screen time at home just to read a book. I don't know that it's any better on screen vs. an actual book, but it makes me feel like it is, so I'm going with that.
bringing me joy - my husband and our shenanigans. and of course the boys. I'm also planning a spring break adventure in the exotic Wichita area for a couple days and really looking forward to it. it will also include a side trip to OKC to meet up with Claudia, so that makes me very happy. plus at the start of that week we'll have a house full of people we love to celebrate Cameron's birthday, so family time is always excellent.
thinking about - a family of friends from church lost their home to a fire last week. how do you begin to recover from that? I have a couple of ideas how to help, and I am, but I'm just wishing I could do more. they are a family of 6, which includes grandparents and two elementary-aged children. 2 of the 6 are fully handicapped and both the husband and wife are veterans. there's just a lot going on in their lives, I can't imagine how devastating that is all around.
I've mentioned it before, but I continue to be effected by the marital troubles of people I know. it just makes me sad to see people hating each other and regarding their spouse with such little respect. maybe it's because we've had our share of troubles and I know how difficult it is to live in an environment without a whole lot of consistent peace, but it just makes my heart hurt to see the depths to which people will go to be hateful, or maybe I should say the small amount of action people will take to work to fix it. inaction. deliberate inaction. I don't get it.
the job situation: I have applied for a couple more positions and still haven't heard anything. I will continue to apply. I'm really hoping that this summer there might be some more options when people around here move away. lord knows that the prospect of another summer working here with those terrible hours is NOT appealing.
picture - do I have the coolest kids ever? yes. yes I do.

hello again - November update

out the window -
it's cold and rainy here. Cameron was excited to get to use his "cumbrella" this morning. they're talking possible snow over the weekend, but only in the 40s for next week so I think we'll just get more cold rain. bring it on!
wearing -
trusty old kahkis and a black shirt with a cardigan. I'm glad not to be a vain person, because I'm pretty sure I look ridiculous with these pants on. I've already let the hem out as far as I can and they're still an inch or two too short. go me.
big boy -
Cameron's language has really taken off the last few weeks and he is quite the conversationalist. I still get a fair amount of sass from him, but not too bad. the bossy stuff is pretty intense though. how does one deal with a bossy kid? is that normal? thoughts welcome. it's like he has to be in control of the situation so he wants to make sure to tell everyone what to do. he's me. I know he's me. I'm definitely not blind to that fact. still wish he would tone it down a bit.
he's gotten really tall lately, which is fun. and he is super sweet. he is the kisser of my hand and random hugs. and he still runs screaming to me when I pick him up as though he hasn't seen me all week. every day. :) it's the best.
he is doing a lot better at school about playing with friends instead of by himself. he talks about his friends at home more too, which is good. and the running has improved quite a bit. some of the facebook suggestions were most helpful.
he went to the dentist for the 2nd time a couple weeks ago and did AMAZINGLY well! I was super worried about it after the last episode, but he totally rocked it. and so I took him out for breakfast afterwards, which was a lot of fun. I need to be better about mommy and Cameron dates, he was the best boy. and since he has his daddy's teeth, the dentist keeps talking about how he will need braces and his teeth are too close together, etc. so the flossing regiment has begun. much to my surprise, it's going really well. never in a million years would I have thought that I could get a 3 yr old to floss, but it totally happens. I got him the little floss pick things and he does the front then I get the back. every day I am amazed that he is going for it. it's hard to believe that he will be 4 in just a few months.
little boy -
Lukey is still the cutest boy in the universe. he got all 4 of his first set of molars in the last couple of weeks, and he's growing. so there have been a lot of cranky evenings and early bed times. we are in the era of fake sneezes again. so that's pretty entertaining. he LOVES light sabers and is fearless. even Cameron won't willingly head down the hall unless the light is on, but not Lucas. in all ways, he lives life at full speed, 100%. it's amazing and I love it! his main goal in life right now is to get ahold of a lightsaber or a sword and swing it around or chase his brother with it or just generally hold it up as high as he can and RUN.
he can say a few words: hush (when the dogs bark), shoes, hi. and he is starting to get into books.
in the kitchen -
other than a huge mess, not much. I made some lasagna last week and thank the lord, i'll be eating the last bit of it for lunch today. tonight we're going to dinner at a friend's house. I have stuff to make tuna and noodles, green chile chicken enchiladas, white bean chicken chili, ham and beans, and roast. Charles will be coming home Saturday evening, so I know roast will be Saturday. I might make the enchiladas Friday so that he can eat hose while he's home too. looking forward to a quiet thanksgiving with the 4 of us.
crafting -
ha!
reading -
still the outlander series. I'm on book 5 or 6 now and still enjoying it.
bringing me joy -
those silly boys. my amazing husband, and knowing that I will get to see him soon! finding ways to keep the spark alive when we're apart for so long.
thinking about -
a lot lately. I know 2 people close to me who are finding themselves in messy divorces. my marriage is in an awesome place right now and it makes me so sad to see people I care about suffering in theirs. I had occasion, through work, to read someone's divorce decree a few months back and it literally made me cry at work to see it all spelled out as relating to custody of the children. thankfully the two people I know do not have kids in the equation, but I'm sure it's certainly painful enough. so sad.
this terrorist stuff can bite me too. right along with the election propaganda. there is such a cycle of negativity and violence. I was thinking about it at Mass this weekend. I want to put on my rose-colored glasses and pray for peace. but that just feels like such a load of B.S. there is evil in the world, it is here for a reason - to bring out the good. I have a really hard time believing that the problems will go away without substantial violence and loss of life. the problem is too big. but the problem is not too big for God. so I will just keep praying that he holds my family and our friends close and gives us the strength to weather whatever comes. because it is coming, that's for sure.
new job. I've started applying for government jobs, quite reluctantly, because we're quickly approaching the time when we can no longer afford for me to stay where I am. I hate it. I applied for one job but did not get it. last night I applied for 2 more. they are jobs as an editor and I REALLY want it! REALLY!! not only is the pay double what I make now, but it would just be a really fun job and would actually allow me to use my degree. it closes on Friday, so hopefully something happens with one of those. I do not want to leave my job, but if I were to get one of the editing positions, I wouldn't feel so bad about leaving here. it wouldn't be leaving for "a job" it would be leaving for "the job". so we'll see. I already told my boss and the superintendent that I had started applying elsewhere. aaaand I cried when I told them. (I really like my job a lot.) *sigh*
picture -
with daddy being gone for so long, we send a lot of pictures. so much so that Cameron now will randomly ask to send a picture to daddy. here is the latest:

journal: september

so my office has moved and I'm now in the very front of the building, entirely too close to the main doors for my comfort, with my boss and boss' boss at my back. opportunities for blogging or checking blogs at work have been thin on the ground. but the stars have aligned and here I am today to check in.
out the window:
it's a nice day today, plenty sunny and maybe a little warm. but it's definitely been a mild summer and I'm glad that fall is on the way. it's my favorite season, hands down. I'm all about a good disguisitory wardrobe. and this will be the year that I can fit into some of my cuter clothes.
wearing:
jeans day today at work! heeeey! so jeans and a teal shirt from sams. in general, I do not spend money on my clothes. fortunately, my mom occasionally does. without mom I wouldn't have much. plus, she's been finding some super great and cheap fabric at the estate sales that they like to check out, and has made me a number of skirts and dresses. but yes, in the last several months I have bought myself 2 shirts from sams (and some underwear, if you must know). I won't spend more than $10 on clothes, especially for myself. so that works out well. my father in law sent me an old navy gift card for my bday and I plan to go later in the fall and buy some new work out pants, as one of my 2 pair have developed the dreaded thigh-chaffing hole. I figure if they don't have work out pants that will work, I might find a nice sweater or something then I only have to make 1 trip.
kids:
my lukey turns 1 tomorrow. I'm obviously biased, but I'm convinced that he's the cutest boy in the universe. he will definitely be my trouble maker though. his best smile is the one he gives when you tell him NO. he's recently discovered that he can feed the dogs from his high chair. so that's fun. it looks like a circle of alligators around his chair when he eats. he's learned about high fives, and his go to word is "uh oh!", typically preceded by the sound of his cup hitting the floor. he's only down to half a bottle before bed, and I imagine i'll put an end to that this weekend. *tear* it's sad, all of these "lasts". but am at peace with our decision to stop at 2 kids.
Cameron has been trying new things lately, he's quite the sassy mcsasserson. 3 is just an incredibly frustrating age I think. potty training is still a certifiable nightmare. I've bit the bullet and started buying pull ups because I got sick of having to throw away underwear because I couldn't handle washing a big slimy man poop out of them. he will sit on the potty for the most part when you make him, but he doesn't usually do anything but sing songs. he WILL NOT tell you when he has to go before it happens, and will rarely tell you that he has gone afterwards. he just plain doesn't care. I've tried sticker charts and incentives and setting timers and nakedness and every other thing I can think of and nothing works. I know he won't be 15 and still in diapers, but I just didn't expect it to take this long. so other than the potty training thing and the attitude, he's doing ok. his imagination is really taking off and that's so cool to see! he still loves to go on "adventures", and since the grocery store is the only place we really ever go, he really enjoys the grocery store and will get excited every time we drive by one. he's incredibly intuitive of peoples feelings, especially mine. he knows when I'm getting frustrated and will say "mama, are you nice?" when he knows full well that I'm pissed off and decidedly NOT nice. it's very humbling and has a way of calming me down. maybe it's that he is so aware of it and that opens up the line to communicate why I'm upset and how we can work together to both get ourselves straightened out. Charles gets frustrated when I lose my shit but I think he's starting to see that Cameron and I have a system that is working fairly well.
in the kitchen:
I made that cheeseburger soup this week, that was good. last night I did a pork roast, I've been buying those pre-packaged marinated roasts and they're pretty good. tonight we'll probably clean out some leftovers and tomorrow we're having a cookout for lucas' birthday. spaghetti at some point in the future.
crafting:
yea, no.
reading:
the outlander series!!!!!!!!! OMG! I'm on the 3rd book. there are 8 of them with a 9th on the way. seriously, all I want to do is read. as it is, I've gone through 2 1/2 big books in less than a month. and given how much time I actually have to read, I'd say that's pretty good. I've not watched the series yet, apparently it's just the first half of the 1st book. the first book was published in 91, and my grandma and mom have been reading them since. so the books I'm reading belonged to grandma Kelly and it makes me extra happy to be sharing that with her. I wish I could talk to her about them. well, I wish I could talk to her about anything.
bringing me joy:
kids, husband, marriage, eating healthy and not being so puffy, exercising. I'm kicking some pretty good ass at work lately too, so that's fulfilling. I have a lot of extra job duties now, more State level things, and I feel like I'm doing a pretty good job at it. work used to be my "down time", but definitely not anymore. it IS still at least my time to not have to touch someone else's bodily fluids, but definitely not as relaxing.
thinking about:
my health. I had a chest pain scare last week that eventually sent me to the ER. they're not sure what it was other than to know that it at least was NOT my heart. still scary. I know my cholesterol is bad, and I'm pre-diabetic. so I'm just really doing what I can to fix myself. next week I'm seeing the nutritionist for a "cholesterol class", whatever that is, and will have my numbers checked at the end of the month with the possibility of going on medication.
single parenting. again. this round will last about 3 months and will be zero fun. but at least now I'm not going to be on that crazy summer schedule, so overall, while it will be lonely and stressful and difficult and sad, I am confident that I will handle it much better than I did this summer because I wont be on 10 hr days and will have time to hit the gym a couple times a week. mostly, I'm in awe of my husband. he has missed so much of the boys at this age. I could not bear it as gracefully as he does. his strength is truly amazing.
pictures:
yea, I haven't taken many lately. and anything of quality goes on facebook. so there ya go.

Funned Out

Well so far, we've all survived the summer. There is exactly 1 week left until Charles is home and we are all beyond ready. the combination of a crazy schedule, new classroom, no daddy, etc has really been rough on Cameron the last couple of weeks. there have been a number of hunger strikes and lots and lots of dramatic fit-throwing. we're all just tired. we will have a nice weekend with him before he goes back to work and then it is not likely that we'll see much of him for a while due to the schedule he will have at work. it's gonna be ugly, but we'll make it. i'll sure get to see him more than I have the last 2 months, so i'll take it!
lucas started crawling on his 9 month birthday, and about 30 minutes after that (not even exaggerating) he pulled himself up to stand. he is quite the go-getter! he will work to be mobile in any possible method to the point that his muscles tremble from fatigue, and even then he doesn't stop trying if I don't set him down somewhere that he has to rest. he now has a top tooth to join his lonely two bottom teeth. he likes to clap and make all sorts of mouth noises. we're still working on waving.
other than the tough stuff, Cameron is ok. overall he is amazingly resilient given all the challenges the last couple of months. potty training is not going well. still. last weekend I tried a potty chart. he picked out his own stickers (elmo, princesses, and spider man) and for one brief, shining evening - he did amazingly well! he even actually managed to get some pee in the potty instead of just sitting on it. but Saturday morning the fun had worn off and he is maintaining his resistance since. I've talked to his teacher and our plan is to put him in underwear and really force it after Charles gets home in hopes that the comfort of having daddy back will help with the transition. poor kid. one shit storm after another it seems.
im doing ok. getting fatter and fatter over the summer. I'm going to really hit it hard when I go back to my normal schedule. Im going to force myself to run outside (major irrational fear of mine) and do some diet changes, i.e. - no more cheese, very limited sugar (no more bowl of cream of wheat with chocolate chips for breakfast - whaaaaat?) so hopefully that will get the ball rolling. I've been having a lot of trouble with my knees the last 3 weeks or so. according to WebMD, the source of all healthcare knowledge, it is an issue with my tendon. so that's pretty awesome. I am one with the naproxen and ice packs.
my parents were up a couple weeks ago for a wedding, which was pretty fun. dad was wearing a heart monitor for 2 weeks at that time. after some tests, they decided that he should have a heart cath, which was yesterday. he has 2 arteries blocked 50% and one was 80%, so they put a stint in that one. thankfully the dr was very proactive and schedules aligned to get dad in pretty quickly before anything more serious happened than his original "episode" over mother's day weekend. so a substantial lifestyle overhaul will be happening down south I do believe.
good times.

April update

before the craziness of the summer begins, I figured I would check in here. also, it's slow at work. thus the stars align.
Out the Window:
well I must say, the Big Storm was a bit underwhelming last night. we frantically cleared a place in the garage for Charles' car last night ahead of the storm, which was supposed to hit around 6. no lie, at 6 right on the dot there was a big gust of wind and a few drops of rain on the deck. I quickly shooed the dogs outside because I knew they'd never go out to pee if it was raining (damn daschunds)and by the time I got them down to the basement door the "rain" had stopped. other than some apparently quiet rain in the night, we had nothing else here! it's still plenty humid, but for now the sun is trying to shine and all is calm in NE Kansas.
What I'm Wearing:
the usual - kakhi pants that are entirely too big for me, teal tank top, grey cardigan. these pants. they're the size 18 post-baby pants and I was just telling Charles the other day that I greatly look forward to setting them on fire once my 14s fit again. in the mean time, I'm pretty sure I could catch pies in the front of these suckers. not that I'm complaining about the fact that they're too big, I'm quite happy about it, I just wish I didn't have to pull them up all the time or worry about them falling down while kid-wrangling. it's a special skill to rock both the "mom look" AND a "gangster sag" at the same time. first world problems, right?
The baby:
mr. lucas has no patience for baby stuff. he is pretty much sitting up on his own and has quite a lot of stamina for tummy time. he can scoot backwards but not yet forwards. my goodness this is moving quickly! he loves to be in the thick of things and laugh at his silly brother, especially when he's dancing and singing. his sweet little face is the source of all sunshine, especially the little baby chicklet smile with those two bottom teeth. and if you attack his fat little cheeks with kisses he squeals and then gets this big old man belly laugh happening and it is hilarious! he's sleeping through the night without any issues and eating his solids like a champ. the daycare ladies totally love him. they are really great at working with him on his tummy time and sitting up. I was leary about taking him to the CDC so young, but it really has been a great thing for him.
The little boy:
I don't know what the age cap is for "toddler", but I think Cameron is probably good to be a little boy now. he's quite the big shot. his main lady at the CDC has been off since the beginning of march, so the potty training came to a screeching halt, but she will hopefully be back next week and we will attack it with renewed force then. I'm also hearing good things about a "potty watch" that the kids wear and can be set at regular intervals to vibrate and let them know when it's time to potty. really, I think he totally knows how to do it and we just need to get forceful about it and quit allowing him to be lazy. I'm not looking forward to that. at all. hopefully lucas is a faster learn. this man poop in a diaper stuff is not cool. he's also quite the sassy pants. common phrases include: "don't talk to me like that mama!" (when I have not said a word to him), "don't touch me!" (not sure where that one came from), and "go to your room mama!" (to which I reply "I wish I could buddy!"). mostly these are all just funny, but can be quite embarrassing when my 3 yr old yells at me in public. not sure how to get around that. I swear, I do not yell these things at him. I am forceful with the "go to your room"s, but not in a yelling angry way, just in a direct and "I'm in charge" way. logically, I know that he is regurgitating it all back to me as he hears it, but it's still humiliating.
in the kitchen:
last night I made some awesome cheeseburger soup! I've seen a lot of recipes on pinterest for it but not made it myself. I didn't like the sound of the ones that I was looking up though, plus I didn't want to go buy a whole bunch of ingredients. so mine ended up being a pound of ground turkey, 3 peeled and diced potatoes, about 3 cups shredded cheddar, a packet of liptons onion/mushroom soup, 3 cups beef broth (the recipes all called for chicken - why!?!?!?), a small can of petite diced tomatoes, about half a cup of diced dill pickles, some pepper and dry mustard, and about 1//3 cup diced onion. I totally had 2 bowls and brought more for my lunch today. yes. just - yes.
Crafting:
well.... Cameron and I have done a lot of coloring lately, does that count? little michelle (his awesome godmama) sent him some paints and markers and HUGE sheets of construction paper for his birthday.
I have a friend having a baby in the next 3 or 4 weeks so I plan to pick up some towels and wascloths to sew together for hooded towels. And I'm still technically working on the hand-quilting for lucas' blanket. it's just not super easy to get time to safely sit around with a needle for more than 2 minutes.
Reading:
nothing now. although I now have 3 books, 2 from mom and dad's church and now another one from mine, that I'd like to read. I don't know where it came from, but I'm really enjoying this trend of parishes providing the members with reading materials to deepen their faith. the classes and prayer groups and all those regularly-scheduled opportunities are awesome, but just not always realistic for people to attend. but by providing something for everyone at no cost that allows them to develop on their own time - it's much easier! yay!
Bringing me Joy:
my boys. my silly silly boys. Cameron's latest thing in the car is that he notices when we go up and down hills and will call out the direction followed by "WEEEEEEEE!!!!!". oh how exited we are to ride roller coasters with this boy! he's also still doing a lot of singing. "sugar" by maroon 5 is a favorite. he's getting pretty good too!
also seeing Charles with the boys. he has so much stress, well, we both do, but his job makes him more miserable than I've ever seen him, and it is painful to watch and hear his voice when he's at work. but he is amazingly good at leaving it at the door once he is home with the kids. he and Cameron are really getting close and Cameron has entered the "daddy's little shadow" phase. and it was about this time with Cameron that Charles left for korea, so it's fun to see him get to experience it with lucas. although that's short lived..
Thinking about:
stressful summer coming up. charles will pretty much be gone from the end of this month till the end of june. then at the start of july Cameron is having surgery on a cyst in his neck, followed by a surgery for charles the following week. combine that with my summer work schedule starting after memorial day (4 - 10 hr days) and it's shaping up to be quite a doozy. I've been borrowing an increasing amount of worry the last couple of weeks and finally my body broke out in hives over the weekend. oh how easy it is to stress over things beyond your control...
finances.
remembering to focus on what's important: i.e. - having happy, healthy kids who love me for who I am, not what I can give them. quality time over quantity. more dancing and singing and coloring and snuggles and books. less worrying about body fat and having surplus. help more people. be the type of person I want my kids to be.
pictures:

little man on Easter - he is clearly obnoxiously excited about big boy sitting up stuff! :D

here he is a couple days ago, passed out in a carrot coma. yes, my 7 month old is wearing 12 month pjs.

big boy is all about stickers, naturally. so he discovered this sheet of free address labels that came to charles from somewhere and went to town yesterday afternoon. isn't he just the Bee's Knees? (oh yes I did!)