the body delema

as i sat at a restaraunt last night waiting for some friends to arrive, drinking a long island iced tea sent from the heavens and people watching, i was reflecting on the self-image of society.  i know, deep stuff for a friday night at a bar.  but whatever.  there were a pair of young ladies sitting at the table next to me.  one was skinny and very fashion forward, the other thought she was skinny and was doing her best to be fashion forward.  from what i gathered about their conversation, they used to be close and had not spent much time together lately and were "reconnecting".  they talked about how things used to be when they hung out, how they were not looking forward to turning 23 *gasp* because they did not know what they wanted to do with their lives and dreaded all the questions from older relations.  (i actually laughed out loud at this and attempted to play it off that something funny was happening on the overhead tv...)  it got me thinking about perceptions, social implications, and something i ponder entirely too much: weight.
i am taking fat burning pills.  they have indeed been burning some of my fat, but mostly i think they inhibit my appetite, which is really more to the heart of my problem.  i love food.  i dont know anyone who doesnt love food.  i also have seen the scale tell me i weigh 200 pounds.  that makes me love food less... or at least take a serious look at its role in my body.
i'm not going to sit here and say that i dont want to be skinny, because i do.  but more importantly, i want to be skinny because that means i will be healthy.  i have become familiar enough with clothes to understand that it is possible to look great at any size if you know how to dress yourself.  but as my fantasticly supportive husband tells me, i am not happy at my weight and only i can change it.  he wants me to lose weight not because i'll miraculously turn into megan fox, but because he wants me to be happy with myself.  how's that for a concept to slap across the face of america?  be happy with yourself. 
for me, being happy with myself means that my belly does not protrude so far as to cause people to ask me when i'm due.  it's pretty frustrating for a person who has yet been able to become pregnant to be asked when she is due when she is NOT.  being happy also means that i am grateful for the things my body can do.  although i hate it that all my fat resides in my belly - at least it's all in one place!  my boss's ass has at least doubled in size since she started working there.  seriously.  i'd rather have a gut that hangs over my pants than have to buy pants 3 sizes too big just so they fit around my butt.  so i'm happy with my fat, even though i wish there were less of it.  my body is also strong.  i am tall and can reach things on high shelves and hardly EVER have to use a step ladder.  my body gives good hugs.  my body loves to receive hugs... especially squishy hugs.  my body will someday carry a baby - life will happen in my body.  my body is a miracle.

so even though it's not necessarily socially acceptable to prane around with the audacity to have curves in all the wrong places, i'm ok with that.  it's ok to be confident in your body, even though you might have a thing or two you are working to change about it.  i'm not about to walk around in public in a bathing suit but i will gladly throw on some jeans or sweats and a tshirt and go out and about feeling thankful that i am me.