Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Good Times
well, life is going pretty well in our neck of the woods! charles' return has provided us with a fairly easy transition. you really can't prepare for this type of situation and i'm learning that every time he comes home, it will never be what i expect it to be. since the separation always gives us plenty of opportunity to strengthen our marriage, i wasn't worried about that; but rather expected the frustration to come from co-parenting and all the adjustments that come along with that. much to my amazement, the parenting stuff has actually been going really well! mostly because i am working very hard to stay aware of the fact that i have to keep my mouth shut and actually allow him the opportunity to be a parent instead of steamrolling him every chance i get. pride - it's an issue. but we are doing very well with that. even better - cameron is doing very well with that! from the minute he saw his daddy in the airport, they have been BFFs. charles has an influence with him that i definitely do not; and since charles is much better at conrolling his emotions than i am, he keeps it all cool as a cucumber. given the circumstances of the last year, i think i did pretty well at that, but charles definitely wins the zen award. which is amazing.
so yea, parenting: good. marriage: good. being husband and wife: what? i'm sure this is a typical issue, or maybe not, i really don't know. there's no handbook for this crap and if there were, i wouldn't have time to read it. but i had some difficulty switching out of mom-mode and into wife-mode. i'm good now, but that first week was really tough. we both had to adjust to being in close proximity to someone else like that again. it was odd. but as adjustments go, i think it was definitely pretty minor and i'm feeling really good about where we are now. i still have issues when we're making plans or out in public; i'm not used to having help and i get frizzed about handling things on my own, when in reality, i don't have to anymore. it's hard to get used to. but i'm working on it.
more good news: they were trying to send is to hays for recruiting, but my the grace of god, that has been changed. as of now (army disclaimer - nothing is permanent or official until it happens), we are not moving. he will be working about 15 minutes from home and life is good. he actually signs in this week, so we won't be able to go home for thanksgiving as planned, but i'm actually not all that upset about that part (see above statements about going out with a toddler by myself and ensuing issues).
so yea, that's the latest from us. i have lots of cute pictures on my phone, so imagine that i've posted them here.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
the emotional roller coaster that is my life
so i have tried a number of times to update my blog but was having technical issues. apparently it was more of an operator error because i just clicked the HTML button and now can type in this space again. whatever, i dont know about technology stuff.
so if you read anything at all that i put on facebook you likely know that my family is in a time of great transition and frustration and lots of "-tion" words. in may we found out that charles had been selected ("volun-told") to be a recruiter. this is a great thing for his career and we feel that it will be good for him personally also because of his growing frustration with his very small job field and all the chanllenges that come with working in a tiny and disfunctional 'family'. the fun thing about recruiting is that it can be done anywhere (by fun, i mean not fun). so as homeowners, this presents a great layer of stress that, admittedly, we put on ourselves when we took the chance to own a home as a military family. we now find ourselves faced with the possibility of moving on short notice. because of the way the dates fall, charles will not be going to recruiting school until january, but he will be going back to work after leave in early december. so wherever he will eventually be rectruiting, he will move to in december ahead of me to train before officially starting school to learn the job.
wrench in plan #1:government shutdown
at the time of shutdown, he did not yet have his orders because it had not yet been decided in which area of the country he would be recruiting. so that meant that for as long as the government was shut down, he was frozen and, along with any other servicemember anywhere in the world slated to come home around that time, he was stuck where he was with no choice but to keep on working until the government became unconstipated. that was fun. the countdown was about 4 or 5 weeks and then it stopped. stress level 13.
wrench in plan #2: "KC Recruiting Battalion" yeea.....
horay! the government reopened and just a couple of days later we received word that he had been assigned to the KC battalion. we understood this to mean that we had just had all of our prayers answered - we would not have to move. now we just were waiting on orders so that he could clear his current location and get on the waiting list (of other people who had been backed up while the government was stupid) of people to come home. stress level 5.
wait wait wait. what is that you say? the KC battalion covers the entire state of kansas? well that's just silly! indeed... as of right now, we are slated to move to Hays, ks. hays. a town of 8 miles, absolutely no rental properties and a big load of horse crap place where it would be near impossible for me to find a job. stress level 15.
so wrenches happen, but silver linings do also. yes, we have no idea if/when/where we are moving or how in the eff we would make it happen. latest plan is to just hope that we would know those ifs/whens/wheres by early december to give us time to max the shit out of our credit cards to get the house ready and then have a friend of mine manage the property in time to get it occupied by an incoming military family before christmas. but in the mean time, he will be doing whatever he can to get sent somewhere close to either here or wichita so that if we do have to move, we could at least lay low at my parents' house until we are back on our feet financially enough to rent a small place there.
but the best news of all - he is coming home. he doesn't have a specific assignment yet, but he at least has orders and that is enough to get him on a stinkin plane back to his family. miraculously, despite the best efforts of our dysfunctional government, he will be home exactly as he was originally scheduled to be. and although the last few weeks have been one hell of a ride, i definitely feel like we're on an upswing. we have more questions than answers right now, and a LOT of money hangs in the balance, but we both know that no matter what curves are thrown our way, we will at least be able to tackle them side by side again instead of over the computer. good lord this has been exhausting!
so that's the latest on our end.
cameron is doing well. we get to skype with daddy a lot more now that he is clearing and we all enjoy that. those two will be halarious when they are together. i have cried a lot of different kinds of tears this past year but my absolute favorite are from laughing when i see how much charles enjoys the little things that his son does. this is such a fun time too because he is repeating anything and everything and has an amazing personality. he is the perfect mixture of charles' silliness and my sweetness. i tell ya, we will have the time of our lives when we are together. and boy are we ever ready for the good stuff. :)
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
a rough week
well the journal thing seems to be sticking, it gives me a direction for my thoughts so i'm gonna just roll with that again.
out my window: sunny and hot. although i'm the first one to remind people that we got significantly longer periods of cooler temps before summer set in this year, i am starting to long for fall. our AC died the weekend of the 4th so cameron and i spent last week at the house of a very generous friend and the dogs were boarded. thankfully, we have a home warranty so we only had to pay $300 instead of $4000 for a new AC. but it was still a stressful and crazy week.
what i'm wearing; the good ol' kahkis and a teal shirt that may or may not be a maternity shirt. what? it has rouching and is long in the torso! :) i figure as long as it doesn't say "baby on board", it's fair game.
the toddler: he is now working on running but still loses his balance with that. he likes to be chased, which is a blast for both of us. last week he played peek a boo for the first time and it was pretty funny, i got video. (see! there's a good side to having a smart phone with you at all times while you try to parent presently!... or so i tell myself) he also randomly busts out words. "yea" and "drink" and the occasional "hi!". it's pretty great. he is also waving again, which is nice because i think now he realises it to be a form of greeting or farewell instead of just something to do that is rediculously cute and will get you lots of attention. he got some nice bumps and bruises over the weekend. i experimented with a new method of church-going and it was wildly successfull, except for the fact that he smacked his forhead on the chair in front of us and got a bruise. but other than taking him out briefly to calm down after the "injury", he was quiet and calm all through mass and i actually got to participate and listen! victory!!! fingers crossed that my leg corral will continue to keep him entertained as long as he can stand between the two chairs in front of us and play with the mass update leaflet. the other "injury" was a bloody lip. i'm not sure but i *think* he was trying to run down the hall to find me in the bedroom and he tripped and maybe ran into the return vent. he had a tiny bit of blood on his lip but calmed down quickly enough. now he just has a little purple spot, maybe a blood blister? i have no idea. but it's on his bottom lip. doesnt seem to bother him at all.
in the kitchen: someone at work brought in some cucumbers and zucchini yesterday so i brought a couple of each home. last night i made something pretty awesome: whole wheat rotini mac and cheese with chicken and sauted zucchini on the side. i brought it for lunch today too and i am looking forward to it. i do love food. not sure what i'll make the rest of the week. i have some romaine to use up and some black beans so i will maybe make a taco salad for dinner tonight. being away from home last week really threw off my cooking so i need to get organized this weekend.
crafting: havent been able to do any more painting on the projects started for charles. supplies are expensive! i would very much like to make some puppets for cameron, any words of wisdom?
reading: same ol'. i think when i finish HP i will read pride and prejudice again. i had hoped to watch the 6 hr super nerd extravaganza this year, it's not really something easily watched when charles is around, but since i have no TV anymore (it died last month), that's out the window. i could watch things on my laptop, but if i can't watch it at it's best, i'd rather not watch at all.
bringing me joy: having a cool house again!!!!!! my goodness we are spoiled. i also got to hear my husband's voice for a few minutes yesterday, that was an unexpected suprise. free food. i've had opportunities for a lot of free food lately through work and it makes me very happy. last night i also ordered the family pictures we had taken at penneys while charles was home. so although that will mean substantial cost in framing when they arrive, they are really great pictures and i am very happy that we had them done.
thinking about: when i came home sunday to check on the dogs there was a 3' long black snake in my garage. my #1 fear is snakes and so it would be an understatement to say that i 100% lost. my. mind. thankfully, my neighbor was home and so he came over and raked it out, then, without any idea from either of us as to what the next step should be, he chopped it's creepy head off with a garden hoe. i am STILL creeped out and am beyond paranoid that it has friends lurking somewhere else and they will come out and get me.
tony the snake killer
picture to share: so that i don't leave you with the equally creeped out feeling on the snake note, a family friend recently moved to the KC area and we were able to get together sunday (pre-snake incident) and so we wandered around oak park mall. cameron was not pleased with being confined to the stroller for a couple of hours so i decided to treat him to a ride on the 2 story carosel. i'm pretty sure i was more excited than he was, but it was still cute.
out my window: sunny and hot. although i'm the first one to remind people that we got significantly longer periods of cooler temps before summer set in this year, i am starting to long for fall. our AC died the weekend of the 4th so cameron and i spent last week at the house of a very generous friend and the dogs were boarded. thankfully, we have a home warranty so we only had to pay $300 instead of $4000 for a new AC. but it was still a stressful and crazy week.
what i'm wearing; the good ol' kahkis and a teal shirt that may or may not be a maternity shirt. what? it has rouching and is long in the torso! :) i figure as long as it doesn't say "baby on board", it's fair game.
the toddler: he is now working on running but still loses his balance with that. he likes to be chased, which is a blast for both of us. last week he played peek a boo for the first time and it was pretty funny, i got video. (see! there's a good side to having a smart phone with you at all times while you try to parent presently!... or so i tell myself) he also randomly busts out words. "yea" and "drink" and the occasional "hi!". it's pretty great. he is also waving again, which is nice because i think now he realises it to be a form of greeting or farewell instead of just something to do that is rediculously cute and will get you lots of attention. he got some nice bumps and bruises over the weekend. i experimented with a new method of church-going and it was wildly successfull, except for the fact that he smacked his forhead on the chair in front of us and got a bruise. but other than taking him out briefly to calm down after the "injury", he was quiet and calm all through mass and i actually got to participate and listen! victory!!! fingers crossed that my leg corral will continue to keep him entertained as long as he can stand between the two chairs in front of us and play with the mass update leaflet. the other "injury" was a bloody lip. i'm not sure but i *think* he was trying to run down the hall to find me in the bedroom and he tripped and maybe ran into the return vent. he had a tiny bit of blood on his lip but calmed down quickly enough. now he just has a little purple spot, maybe a blood blister? i have no idea. but it's on his bottom lip. doesnt seem to bother him at all.
in the kitchen: someone at work brought in some cucumbers and zucchini yesterday so i brought a couple of each home. last night i made something pretty awesome: whole wheat rotini mac and cheese with chicken and sauted zucchini on the side. i brought it for lunch today too and i am looking forward to it. i do love food. not sure what i'll make the rest of the week. i have some romaine to use up and some black beans so i will maybe make a taco salad for dinner tonight. being away from home last week really threw off my cooking so i need to get organized this weekend.
crafting: havent been able to do any more painting on the projects started for charles. supplies are expensive! i would very much like to make some puppets for cameron, any words of wisdom?
reading: same ol'. i think when i finish HP i will read pride and prejudice again. i had hoped to watch the 6 hr super nerd extravaganza this year, it's not really something easily watched when charles is around, but since i have no TV anymore (it died last month), that's out the window. i could watch things on my laptop, but if i can't watch it at it's best, i'd rather not watch at all.
bringing me joy: having a cool house again!!!!!! my goodness we are spoiled. i also got to hear my husband's voice for a few minutes yesterday, that was an unexpected suprise. free food. i've had opportunities for a lot of free food lately through work and it makes me very happy. last night i also ordered the family pictures we had taken at penneys while charles was home. so although that will mean substantial cost in framing when they arrive, they are really great pictures and i am very happy that we had them done.
thinking about: when i came home sunday to check on the dogs there was a 3' long black snake in my garage. my #1 fear is snakes and so it would be an understatement to say that i 100% lost. my. mind. thankfully, my neighbor was home and so he came over and raked it out, then, without any idea from either of us as to what the next step should be, he chopped it's creepy head off with a garden hoe. i am STILL creeped out and am beyond paranoid that it has friends lurking somewhere else and they will come out and get me.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
journal: ready for the long weekend
out my window: it's been beautiful this week, in the mid-upper 80s. in july. no complaints here! my electric bill is thankful.
clothes: size 12 jeans. thankyouverymuch! they're super stretchy, but they still say size 12 on them so i'm going to wave that flag all day! also a black "fancy" sleevless top and my black sandals. i should probably paint my toenails or at the very least, remove the polish from 2 months ago, but that's just not going to happen. i dont have plans, as of now, to try out for the mrs america pagent any time soon, so i think i'm ok with my nasty looking feet.
toddler: not so bad with the teething this week so that's good. and he seems to be pretty much over the sickness too, also good. he is starting to try and run but loses his balance easily but it's still pretty funny to watch. overall though, he is just having a BLAST with his movement. he will run around and around in the kitchen/dining area, come find me and give me a hug then take off again. tomorrow my parents will be here through the weekend and they are pretty excited to see him since he was not walking the last time they were up and have only seen it on skype.
in the kitchen: hmmm... nothing lately, just using up food. although my lunch today is the last of the leftovers so i will have to cook tonight. maybe that pasta and sugar snap peas business. i also made a pot of black beans from dry so i need to do some very bean-ish things in the next couple of days. i anticipate some homemade ice cream, a dessert of some kind, and hopefully some good summer food this weekend.
crafting: made cameron a great 4th of july shirt last night with the help of some friends and their extra hands. i will save a pic for the "picture to share" below because i dont have any other pictures to share. :) but i think it's cute. i am going to try and do at least 1 or 2 shirts for him each year for one holiday or another and then eventually turn it all into a quilt, probably adding in the shirts for eventual kid #2. that's the plan at least. in the mean time, it makes for cool pictures.
reading: still harry potter goodness. i'm on to the goblet of fire now.
bringing me joy: talked to my husband this weekend on skype and he got to see his little boy. cameron loves to see him on the computer. we are missing each other so so so very bad, and while that is in no way a joyful thing, it is a point of connection to hear him say that he misses me too. it's been a rough week in that respect for us. 4 more months.
thinking about: passing 4 more months and keeping busy; my health and fitness progress: since december - 12 pounds lost, 7" off waist and 3" off hips, next month i will aim to pass a PT test and in september i'm running my first 5K. i'm excited to get where i have wanted to be for about 10 years at least. i am well on my way and it feels great! also, i had a bit of a conversation with a friend last week who has also been trying to "get there" for a long time and it is infinitely frustrating that she gets in her own way. there must come a time when you dont let yourself shut down and make excuses. i finally got there. if she were really serious, she'd get htere too instead of talking herself into a hole. it really pisses me off when people do that.
so ok, i could go on a whole separate rant about that stuff. here's the pic of cameron's shirt:
and for a refersher, and because i happen to have the pic on my work computer, here's his other seasonal shirt from halloween:
clothes: size 12 jeans. thankyouverymuch! they're super stretchy, but they still say size 12 on them so i'm going to wave that flag all day! also a black "fancy" sleevless top and my black sandals. i should probably paint my toenails or at the very least, remove the polish from 2 months ago, but that's just not going to happen. i dont have plans, as of now, to try out for the mrs america pagent any time soon, so i think i'm ok with my nasty looking feet.
toddler: not so bad with the teething this week so that's good. and he seems to be pretty much over the sickness too, also good. he is starting to try and run but loses his balance easily but it's still pretty funny to watch. overall though, he is just having a BLAST with his movement. he will run around and around in the kitchen/dining area, come find me and give me a hug then take off again. tomorrow my parents will be here through the weekend and they are pretty excited to see him since he was not walking the last time they were up and have only seen it on skype.
in the kitchen: hmmm... nothing lately, just using up food. although my lunch today is the last of the leftovers so i will have to cook tonight. maybe that pasta and sugar snap peas business. i also made a pot of black beans from dry so i need to do some very bean-ish things in the next couple of days. i anticipate some homemade ice cream, a dessert of some kind, and hopefully some good summer food this weekend.
crafting: made cameron a great 4th of july shirt last night with the help of some friends and their extra hands. i will save a pic for the "picture to share" below because i dont have any other pictures to share. :) but i think it's cute. i am going to try and do at least 1 or 2 shirts for him each year for one holiday or another and then eventually turn it all into a quilt, probably adding in the shirts for eventual kid #2. that's the plan at least. in the mean time, it makes for cool pictures.
reading: still harry potter goodness. i'm on to the goblet of fire now.
bringing me joy: talked to my husband this weekend on skype and he got to see his little boy. cameron loves to see him on the computer. we are missing each other so so so very bad, and while that is in no way a joyful thing, it is a point of connection to hear him say that he misses me too. it's been a rough week in that respect for us. 4 more months.
thinking about: passing 4 more months and keeping busy; my health and fitness progress: since december - 12 pounds lost, 7" off waist and 3" off hips, next month i will aim to pass a PT test and in september i'm running my first 5K. i'm excited to get where i have wanted to be for about 10 years at least. i am well on my way and it feels great! also, i had a bit of a conversation with a friend last week who has also been trying to "get there" for a long time and it is infinitely frustrating that she gets in her own way. there must come a time when you dont let yourself shut down and make excuses. i finally got there. if she were really serious, she'd get htere too instead of talking herself into a hole. it really pisses me off when people do that.
so ok, i could go on a whole separate rant about that stuff. here's the pic of cameron's shirt:
and for a refersher, and because i happen to have the pic on my work computer, here's his other seasonal shirt from halloween:
Monday, June 24, 2013
journal: yep
out my window: summer is here and it's going to be 95 degrees all week, except in my office, where it's about 45 degrees all week. if i wouldn't spontaneously combust when i went outside in the afternoon, i would happily wear pants and a wool sweater to work in the summer. it's rediculous. (first world problems, i know...)
what i'm wearing: pants!!! with a ruffly blue "work" tank top and a little short sweater that serves no purpose other than to cover my shoulders and be somewhat of an "accessory" to the outfit. lately i am noticing that i am not in any way stylish. my "business casual" workwear is all 6+ years old, so i imagine it was somewhat stylish then but i think not so much now. plus, any of my "new" clothes are hand-me-downs from my mom who has lost so much weight that she is not a size 6 (don't mind me and my bitterness) and so she is giving me all of her clothes that are too big. she informed me yesterday that she has 3 more bags of clothes to bring up but that thankfully, she has spared me the christmas overalls and sweaters. close call!
the toddler: he is decidedly walking now and having a great time. i often worried and harbored an excessive amount of guilt for most of his first year because i was rarely able to read him books and sing songs, etc; but i have been making a conscious effort to work on that especially since we spend so little time together during the week. so i am beyond pleased to report that both at home and at day care he will often be found digging through the books in search of one in particular and will sit down by himself and flip through the pages. he is also very affectionate. when picked up and snuggled, he has started to take his little hand and pat me on the back while hugging. and he will snuggle his face into his stuffed animals (to which i will speak for him and say "i love you turtle" etc. so that he understand that to be a gesture of love.) so showing love is very familiar to him and it all makes my heart so happy that he understands and does it often. when going it alone, it's so easy to second guess every single decision (as i'm sure it is with two parents present as well!) and it's especially difficult to feel that your parenting is adequate and represents the love and parenting of both a mother and a father - so to see these things in him really almost brings me to tears because even though it often feels like i'm just barely treading water, i know that i'm doing some things right because he recognizes these important things. lest you think it's all sunshine and roses though - he still has a major issue with throwing food/dishes/cups on the floor and that makes me want to kill people. but we'll get there.
in the kitchen: my poor grill bit the dust (incidentally, so has the tv) while charles was home and that makes me sad because i love grilling in the summer. so anyway, i've made another trip to the farmer's market and loaded up on some great stuff! best deal of the day: a bowl of sugar snap peas for $2 - and when i asked for one, the lady gave me THREE bowls still for the same $2. i am extatic. she said they freeze well so i cleaned and trimed them up last night and will be making this and am very excited about it. although so far the only ingredient i have are the peas... :) i also got 8 bell peppers for $2 and have chopped them up and put them in the freezer for stuffed-pepper soup down the line. made spinekopeta saturday and will be having salad and maybe some sort of chicken fajita sitaution with a leftover red pepper this week. i need to cook some more of my dried black beans. caprese salad with farmers market tomatoes too - life is good.
crafting: michelle g came to visit me this weekend and we had a blast! she taught me how to paint with oils and i'm pretty sure i'm hooked! i've always wanted to know how to paint and there is a particular painting i wanted to make for charles' man cave so we set to work. what a wonderful experience! so my mom, who used to oil paint, is going to dig around for any of her old supplies and i will need to buy some more myself to finish the work we started this weekend. also, in visiting a classroom last week for work i saw the coolest quilt ever! it was a very hungry catapillar quilt and it reminded me of my desire to quilt. someday... i also want to sew some puppets for cameron. cause you know, i have lots of time and everything...
reading: the old harry potter standby. it comforts me.
bringing me joy: waiting all week to spend 2 1/2 days with my funny little boy. skyping with charles and laughing with him about silly things. getting healthy and slowly losing weight; also setting difficult goals - i have comitted to have my neighbor administer an army-standard PT test to me on my bday: 17 push ups in 2 minutes, 45 sit ups in 2 minutes, 2 mile run in less than 19:45 to pass. once that is done, i will begin to prepare for my first 5k at the end of september with my church. i am excited.
thinking about: i hate being sick. cameron has been sick and now i am sick; aint nobody got time for that!
no pictures - i put up a couple of us at the city market on fb that were great.
what i'm wearing: pants!!! with a ruffly blue "work" tank top and a little short sweater that serves no purpose other than to cover my shoulders and be somewhat of an "accessory" to the outfit. lately i am noticing that i am not in any way stylish. my "business casual" workwear is all 6+ years old, so i imagine it was somewhat stylish then but i think not so much now. plus, any of my "new" clothes are hand-me-downs from my mom who has lost so much weight that she is not a size 6 (don't mind me and my bitterness) and so she is giving me all of her clothes that are too big. she informed me yesterday that she has 3 more bags of clothes to bring up but that thankfully, she has spared me the christmas overalls and sweaters. close call!
the toddler: he is decidedly walking now and having a great time. i often worried and harbored an excessive amount of guilt for most of his first year because i was rarely able to read him books and sing songs, etc; but i have been making a conscious effort to work on that especially since we spend so little time together during the week. so i am beyond pleased to report that both at home and at day care he will often be found digging through the books in search of one in particular and will sit down by himself and flip through the pages. he is also very affectionate. when picked up and snuggled, he has started to take his little hand and pat me on the back while hugging. and he will snuggle his face into his stuffed animals (to which i will speak for him and say "i love you turtle" etc. so that he understand that to be a gesture of love.) so showing love is very familiar to him and it all makes my heart so happy that he understands and does it often. when going it alone, it's so easy to second guess every single decision (as i'm sure it is with two parents present as well!) and it's especially difficult to feel that your parenting is adequate and represents the love and parenting of both a mother and a father - so to see these things in him really almost brings me to tears because even though it often feels like i'm just barely treading water, i know that i'm doing some things right because he recognizes these important things. lest you think it's all sunshine and roses though - he still has a major issue with throwing food/dishes/cups on the floor and that makes me want to kill people. but we'll get there.
in the kitchen: my poor grill bit the dust (incidentally, so has the tv) while charles was home and that makes me sad because i love grilling in the summer. so anyway, i've made another trip to the farmer's market and loaded up on some great stuff! best deal of the day: a bowl of sugar snap peas for $2 - and when i asked for one, the lady gave me THREE bowls still for the same $2. i am extatic. she said they freeze well so i cleaned and trimed them up last night and will be making this and am very excited about it. although so far the only ingredient i have are the peas... :) i also got 8 bell peppers for $2 and have chopped them up and put them in the freezer for stuffed-pepper soup down the line. made spinekopeta saturday and will be having salad and maybe some sort of chicken fajita sitaution with a leftover red pepper this week. i need to cook some more of my dried black beans. caprese salad with farmers market tomatoes too - life is good.
crafting: michelle g came to visit me this weekend and we had a blast! she taught me how to paint with oils and i'm pretty sure i'm hooked! i've always wanted to know how to paint and there is a particular painting i wanted to make for charles' man cave so we set to work. what a wonderful experience! so my mom, who used to oil paint, is going to dig around for any of her old supplies and i will need to buy some more myself to finish the work we started this weekend. also, in visiting a classroom last week for work i saw the coolest quilt ever! it was a very hungry catapillar quilt and it reminded me of my desire to quilt. someday... i also want to sew some puppets for cameron. cause you know, i have lots of time and everything...
reading: the old harry potter standby. it comforts me.
bringing me joy: waiting all week to spend 2 1/2 days with my funny little boy. skyping with charles and laughing with him about silly things. getting healthy and slowly losing weight; also setting difficult goals - i have comitted to have my neighbor administer an army-standard PT test to me on my bday: 17 push ups in 2 minutes, 45 sit ups in 2 minutes, 2 mile run in less than 19:45 to pass. once that is done, i will begin to prepare for my first 5k at the end of september with my church. i am excited.
thinking about: i hate being sick. cameron has been sick and now i am sick; aint nobody got time for that!
no pictures - i put up a couple of us at the city market on fb that were great.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
well that was fun, now back to reality
well since my last post i obviously had a pretty good month! i knew that charles was coming home about 3 weeks before it happened but was forbidden to say anything so that he could suprise his family. not that i had much to tell. literally until i heard the garage door open on a thursday night this is what i knew:
he was coming home sometime in this 2 day window, he would be off work for 30 days, i needed to drop his car off on post on X day (which meant that he would be driving himself home).
thats. it.
and so the 3 weeks of rediculously stressful cleaning and preparing went into full swing and the adventure began early in may.
it was wonderful. from the second i heard the garage door open all was right with the world. there was no need to cry when i saw him because to put my arms around my husband is to be at home, everything was just exactly as though he had just had a really long day at work and was now back where he belongs. i'm not going to say that every day was easy and fun-filled because it wasnt. i didn't want to share him, although i did because he needed it and it was the right thing to do; and we didn't always get along. i'm glad i didn't really think about it before he came home because it would have just been one more thing to stress about, but going from a single parent to now parenting together is NOT easy. in fact it's kind of a nightmare. i was prepared for just the opposite, so that was a bit of a wake up call. but i'm told that this is perfectly normal, ours was just crammed into a very short period and that is the only thing i am not looking forward to dealing with when he returns. obviously not the part about our son having a mom AND a dad, but the fact that i have to comprimise and share the decisions about when and how to discipline him and what to teach him, etc. you know, parenting in a married home, that sort of thing: not easy. who knew! :) but other than that, it was good.
cameron took a couple weeks to really warm up to him. he's a pretty easy going kid, so he wasn't running away screaming or anything, but he clearly didn't understand why this guy was all of a sudden in the house trying to love on him. but we got there and he had a really good time with daddy. daddy is a lot more fun than mommy i think and makes good faces and noises and doesn't discourage loud obnoxiouis outbursts in public places. *sigh*
although we were both thankful that his journey home didn't end up costing us anything, we still feel like he spent enough money while here to make up for the ticket! there was a lot of going out to eat and some shopping and gas money and such. but i can't think of any experience that i would take back. after all, getting to spend 4 weeks out of a year in the same state/country/side of the world as your husband is something worth celebrating. and even though it was the last month of school, my bosses were kind and generous enough to allow me to take off a week each on his first and last week here. i am very lucky.
and so here we are on the downhill side with just 4 1/2 months to go and i am feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the remainder of this beast of a year! i am working four 10 hr days till late july so the summer is going quickly and by the time school starts in august, we'll have just 3 months to go! and then we'll start our next big adventure: he was department ofthe army selected to be a recruiter. he'll go to school for that in january for a couple of months and then will do a 3 yr stint. so that's 3 yrs of a break from his current job field (definitely a good thing!) and 3 yrs of pretty much seeing him every day. no complaints here! we don't yet know WHERE he will be recruiting but our first choice is to stay where we are, for a number of reasons. so fingers crossed that it works out that way. HIS second choice is to move back home, mine is definitely not, so we'll see what happens. i dont know when we'll know but there's nothing i can do about it either way so we're just waiting to see.
he was coming home sometime in this 2 day window, he would be off work for 30 days, i needed to drop his car off on post on X day (which meant that he would be driving himself home).
thats. it.
and so the 3 weeks of rediculously stressful cleaning and preparing went into full swing and the adventure began early in may.
it was wonderful. from the second i heard the garage door open all was right with the world. there was no need to cry when i saw him because to put my arms around my husband is to be at home, everything was just exactly as though he had just had a really long day at work and was now back where he belongs. i'm not going to say that every day was easy and fun-filled because it wasnt. i didn't want to share him, although i did because he needed it and it was the right thing to do; and we didn't always get along. i'm glad i didn't really think about it before he came home because it would have just been one more thing to stress about, but going from a single parent to now parenting together is NOT easy. in fact it's kind of a nightmare. i was prepared for just the opposite, so that was a bit of a wake up call. but i'm told that this is perfectly normal, ours was just crammed into a very short period and that is the only thing i am not looking forward to dealing with when he returns. obviously not the part about our son having a mom AND a dad, but the fact that i have to comprimise and share the decisions about when and how to discipline him and what to teach him, etc. you know, parenting in a married home, that sort of thing: not easy. who knew! :) but other than that, it was good.
cameron took a couple weeks to really warm up to him. he's a pretty easy going kid, so he wasn't running away screaming or anything, but he clearly didn't understand why this guy was all of a sudden in the house trying to love on him. but we got there and he had a really good time with daddy. daddy is a lot more fun than mommy i think and makes good faces and noises and doesn't discourage loud obnoxiouis outbursts in public places. *sigh*
although we were both thankful that his journey home didn't end up costing us anything, we still feel like he spent enough money while here to make up for the ticket! there was a lot of going out to eat and some shopping and gas money and such. but i can't think of any experience that i would take back. after all, getting to spend 4 weeks out of a year in the same state/country/side of the world as your husband is something worth celebrating. and even though it was the last month of school, my bosses were kind and generous enough to allow me to take off a week each on his first and last week here. i am very lucky.
and so here we are on the downhill side with just 4 1/2 months to go and i am feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the remainder of this beast of a year! i am working four 10 hr days till late july so the summer is going quickly and by the time school starts in august, we'll have just 3 months to go! and then we'll start our next big adventure: he was department ofthe army selected to be a recruiter. he'll go to school for that in january for a couple of months and then will do a 3 yr stint. so that's 3 yrs of a break from his current job field (definitely a good thing!) and 3 yrs of pretty much seeing him every day. no complaints here! we don't yet know WHERE he will be recruiting but our first choice is to stay where we are, for a number of reasons. so fingers crossed that it works out that way. HIS second choice is to move back home, mine is definitely not, so we'll see what happens. i dont know when we'll know but there's nothing i can do about it either way so we're just waiting to see.
sorry, i tried to add other pictures but it isn't working. they're all on my FB anyway. so here's one - i made sure he got to put cameron to bed as often as possible while he was home. he kept saying "you know, you don't always have to save me the fun jobs... i'm ok, you can do it too even though i'm here." to which i say, "yes, actually i do."
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
journal: creeping along
out my window: yep, snow. wtf. it is annoying but at the same time, i am grateful for still being able to wear many disguisatory layers of clothing and not having to shave my legs yet. you win some and you lose some i guess.
what i'm wearing: mom and dad are up and mom brought a huge bag full of clothes that are too big for her and so she is passing them to me. let's all just take a second to join in the pathetic fact that i am fatter than my mom. ............. thanks. but on the bright side, i have a whole bunch of new clothes now. although most ofthem are still too small for me, i am shrinking steadily and will fit into them eventually. so today, i am wearing my "new" pink sweater and grey work pants. what a novelty: a sweater that doesnt have a thousand little balls on it from our crappy washer and dryer! horay!
thebaby toddler: no walking yet, unless you count that awesome little crab walk thing he does or the fact that he can hold on to stuff and shuffle all over the place. but he'll get htere soon. he is cutting the big teeth and has been pretty miserable the last few days with some pretty high temps and majorly increased whininess. he's also getting really good at the whole 'i'm going to flop myself down onteh floor in front of you and cry' business, which is just plain funny. especially when you turn your back or walk away and he will go crying after you so he can flop down in front of your new location. he's very determined. he's also been showing a bit of a mean streak lately which really does concern me, i'm not sure how to fix that other than repeatedly telling him to be nice and responding with love and patience (and an offended facial expression) and hoping that he will get the picture. i do a lot of flying by the seat of my pants. any ideas would be appreciated. i do try to praise him when he is being nice and tell him that whatever he is doing is very nice, it's just hard to know if he really understands it at this point.
in the kitchen: i FINALLY got to grill out sunday and made some really good steaks. yesterday i made bbq meatballs and egg noodles with green beans. tonight, spinach salad and later in the week some fish. tomorrow i'm making a roast for a friend and her girls who come and visit every wednesday. i like food.
crafting: will work on some baby shower invites tonight and have lots of sewing projects in the works for the shower and for the man cave. i'll be making a manly quilt for charles, lots of black fabric. :) hopefully he doesn't think it's lame.
reading: finished the fannie flagg book and mom brought me a couple more. there seem to be sooo many things to do other than read, but it's nice when i get the chance. my boss recommended the books about "how to date your son/daughter" so at some point i would like to look into those.
bringing me joy: my husband and all his mysterious awesomeness. lots of progress on the house. i spent over 6 hrs working in the yard saturday and i am still sore, but it was very satisfying to have done it all myself for once and it looks a million times better. i moved some plants around and took out some others and pruned and spruced up. hopefully they all survive!
thinking about: previously mentioned husband and how much i want to see his handsome face and just touch him and talk to him whenever i want. so often with cameron there are times when i think 'man! i wish i had charles here so WE could come up with a solution to this problem!', but at the same time, i worry about when that is a reality and how it may or may not frustrate me if we do not agree. by the time he is home, i will have done a lot of disciplining solo and i fear that it will be a difficult transition for all of us. but no need to borrow worry i guess.
picture to share:
installation of the child locks on the cabinets last night - cameron was most helpful to grandpa by shutting all the cabinet doors repeatedly just as grandpa got the drill bit lined up. he's so handy. also - baby plaid pajama pants!!!!!!!!!!!!
what i'm wearing: mom and dad are up and mom brought a huge bag full of clothes that are too big for her and so she is passing them to me. let's all just take a second to join in the pathetic fact that i am fatter than my mom. ............. thanks. but on the bright side, i have a whole bunch of new clothes now. although most ofthem are still too small for me, i am shrinking steadily and will fit into them eventually. so today, i am wearing my "new" pink sweater and grey work pants. what a novelty: a sweater that doesnt have a thousand little balls on it from our crappy washer and dryer! horay!
the
in the kitchen: i FINALLY got to grill out sunday and made some really good steaks. yesterday i made bbq meatballs and egg noodles with green beans. tonight, spinach salad and later in the week some fish. tomorrow i'm making a roast for a friend and her girls who come and visit every wednesday. i like food.
crafting: will work on some baby shower invites tonight and have lots of sewing projects in the works for the shower and for the man cave. i'll be making a manly quilt for charles, lots of black fabric. :) hopefully he doesn't think it's lame.
reading: finished the fannie flagg book and mom brought me a couple more. there seem to be sooo many things to do other than read, but it's nice when i get the chance. my boss recommended the books about "how to date your son/daughter" so at some point i would like to look into those.
bringing me joy: my husband and all his mysterious awesomeness. lots of progress on the house. i spent over 6 hrs working in the yard saturday and i am still sore, but it was very satisfying to have done it all myself for once and it looks a million times better. i moved some plants around and took out some others and pruned and spruced up. hopefully they all survive!
thinking about: previously mentioned husband and how much i want to see his handsome face and just touch him and talk to him whenever i want. so often with cameron there are times when i think 'man! i wish i had charles here so WE could come up with a solution to this problem!', but at the same time, i worry about when that is a reality and how it may or may not frustrate me if we do not agree. by the time he is home, i will have done a lot of disciplining solo and i fear that it will be a difficult transition for all of us. but no need to borrow worry i guess.
picture to share:
installation of the child locks on the cabinets last night - cameron was most helpful to grandpa by shutting all the cabinet doors repeatedly just as grandpa got the drill bit lined up. he's so handy. also - baby plaid pajama pants!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
journal: it's april - YAY!!!
Out my window: it's been overcast for a couple of days, we had a storm sunday night and, unless it was really really quiet, we did not get the storm we were forcast for last night. however they're saying that tonight will be a doozy and by thursday we may have snow. eff that. but i guess on the bright side, snow means continued pants-wearing and continued un-shaven leg-sporting. so whatever. i am still fighting off the stomach virus turned cold turned sinus infection which has now turned into allergies with all the moisture in the air. no joke - 4 boxes of kleenex in just over a week. if it wasn't so disgusting, i would totally invest in some handkerchiefs.
Clothing myself in: grey pants, yellow shirt with ruffles (that's right lizabeth, i'm wearing yellow ruffles. and yes, i DID get this shirt from my mom) :) and a black cardigan. as i dress in the mornings i often think that my "business casual attire" would greatly benefit from a necklace at least, but i can't yet rationalize that with a little boy who would want to yank on it, etc. but i figure as long as i have put on enough clothes to at least cover all the important parts and i mostly match, that is a victory for me and i'll worry about accessories in a few months.
Around the house: this weekend cameron took a gloriously long nap and i was able to CLEAN!!! who knew this could be so exciting!? i swept and mopped, vacumed and dusted and finished all the laundry. my house smelled like pine sol all day long and it made me entirely too happy. sunday i used his nap time to mow the grass and even got to sit on the couch and watch a movie. it's the little things. last night we went to walmart for some groceries and for our weekly "social outing".
The baby: he is doing better at the CDC but still not 100% adjusted. this is week 3, but at least he does not spend all evening crying and needing to be held. he is still pretty clingy though, but reasonably so. he is also discovering cabinets and drawers in the kitchen and "rearrange bottom cabinets" has been on my dry erase "to do" board all week but i honestly have no idea where to put those things that need to be put up, i.e. - the food processor. maybe i can just make a box full of blades and leave the rest of the big stuff down where it is? i dont know, i'm still working on a plan with that.
he is not quite walking but can do so pretty well holding on to things. i am doing amazingly well at just letting him be. he's smooshed his fingers in drawers a couple of times and he cries and i distract him and he gets over it and we move on. the only thing that makes me hover is when he stands up against a wall with his back to the kitchen chairs because he could really bonk his head on them pretty hard if he fell back at all. but for the most part, i just let him explore and hope for the best. although his interst in the trash can does cause me a bit of alarm, i think i've played it off pretty well so far. no major incidents. it helps that i keep him pretty well confined to the kitchen/dining room/hallway upstairs so there isnt a whole lot of mischief to find.
In the kitchen: i did get to make my bierocks last thursday - thanks for the recipe lizabeth! they were u-mazing. i took the last of them back out of the freezer last night. they also make the perfect baby food because they have lots of veggies in them. i used turkey meat and added carrots and peas along with cabbage. i bought the big can of evaporated milk so i have enough left for probably another double batch which i think i may make this week. need to get more meat.
i have been eating very well lately, lots of salads. i made a quick salad a couple days ago by mixing some chick peas, corn, salsa and a little bit of thousand island dressing together and putting it over a bed of red lettuce with some green onion and a little bit of cheese on top. i have been doing a lot with dried beans lately because it's so cheap and easy. i'm all about finding cheap ways to do stuff and getting really good at using the food i already have and not wasting it. this is a big goal of mine so i'm pleased with how well it usually goes. usually.
it's been a bit of a challenge now that cameron is at the CDC because they feed him a very balanced meal 2x and a snack, but it's often something that i don't feed him. but thankfully they give me a sheet every day of what they fed him and how much he ate so i will look at that and determine if he needs more veggies or fruit or milk, etc., in the evening. he doesn't much like meat but loves cheese and fruits and veggies.
Crafting: not much now but there is much on the horizon. i'm going to make a simple blanket for charles' man cave reno. i'm also hosting a baby shower and a graduation party at the end of may/beginning of june so i will maybe get out to a fabric store this weekend because i will be making stuff for those.
Reading: i started that fannie flagg book that mom brought up but haven't finished it. i do my reading before bed and lately i just want to go to bed. plus, when i read before bed, pretty soon an hour has gone by and it's really late and then i dont get nearly enough sleep.
Bringing me joy: got to talk to charles for almost 2 hrs friday! we speak about once a week usually for just a few minutes, so that was pretty great. good lord i miss that man! 5 months down and it's still going entirely too slow. but i am so thankful for such a strong relationship that we have. whether he is by my side or not, i know that we can conquer anything together because we are such a great team.
cameron kisses: they sure are slobbery but also wonderful. what a beautiful thing when a little person knows what affection is and chooses on his own to give it to you. it's very gratifying.
Thinking about: crazy SOB in n. korea and the increasing tension in that area.
how to keep a balance with taking care of my son, my husband and myself. i lost 6 pounds this last month (stress? illness? good eating habits? who knows...) and have yet to figure out how to fit in exercise. eating is good, i've got that under control, but exercising means sacrificing time with cameron or sleep and neither are worth it to me to sacrifice right now. hopefully when the weather consistently improves and cameron is not so off in the evenings, we will go on walks or something. but for now - i'm working on being at peace with the fact that my best is good enough and that i am ok.
Pictures to share - nope - i'm at work. although i do have some good ones on the camera to load onto FB at some point.
Clothing myself in: grey pants, yellow shirt with ruffles (that's right lizabeth, i'm wearing yellow ruffles. and yes, i DID get this shirt from my mom) :) and a black cardigan. as i dress in the mornings i often think that my "business casual attire" would greatly benefit from a necklace at least, but i can't yet rationalize that with a little boy who would want to yank on it, etc. but i figure as long as i have put on enough clothes to at least cover all the important parts and i mostly match, that is a victory for me and i'll worry about accessories in a few months.
Around the house: this weekend cameron took a gloriously long nap and i was able to CLEAN!!! who knew this could be so exciting!? i swept and mopped, vacumed and dusted and finished all the laundry. my house smelled like pine sol all day long and it made me entirely too happy. sunday i used his nap time to mow the grass and even got to sit on the couch and watch a movie. it's the little things. last night we went to walmart for some groceries and for our weekly "social outing".
The baby: he is doing better at the CDC but still not 100% adjusted. this is week 3, but at least he does not spend all evening crying and needing to be held. he is still pretty clingy though, but reasonably so. he is also discovering cabinets and drawers in the kitchen and "rearrange bottom cabinets" has been on my dry erase "to do" board all week but i honestly have no idea where to put those things that need to be put up, i.e. - the food processor. maybe i can just make a box full of blades and leave the rest of the big stuff down where it is? i dont know, i'm still working on a plan with that.
he is not quite walking but can do so pretty well holding on to things. i am doing amazingly well at just letting him be. he's smooshed his fingers in drawers a couple of times and he cries and i distract him and he gets over it and we move on. the only thing that makes me hover is when he stands up against a wall with his back to the kitchen chairs because he could really bonk his head on them pretty hard if he fell back at all. but for the most part, i just let him explore and hope for the best. although his interst in the trash can does cause me a bit of alarm, i think i've played it off pretty well so far. no major incidents. it helps that i keep him pretty well confined to the kitchen/dining room/hallway upstairs so there isnt a whole lot of mischief to find.
In the kitchen: i did get to make my bierocks last thursday - thanks for the recipe lizabeth! they were u-mazing. i took the last of them back out of the freezer last night. they also make the perfect baby food because they have lots of veggies in them. i used turkey meat and added carrots and peas along with cabbage. i bought the big can of evaporated milk so i have enough left for probably another double batch which i think i may make this week. need to get more meat.
i have been eating very well lately, lots of salads. i made a quick salad a couple days ago by mixing some chick peas, corn, salsa and a little bit of thousand island dressing together and putting it over a bed of red lettuce with some green onion and a little bit of cheese on top. i have been doing a lot with dried beans lately because it's so cheap and easy. i'm all about finding cheap ways to do stuff and getting really good at using the food i already have and not wasting it. this is a big goal of mine so i'm pleased with how well it usually goes. usually.
it's been a bit of a challenge now that cameron is at the CDC because they feed him a very balanced meal 2x and a snack, but it's often something that i don't feed him. but thankfully they give me a sheet every day of what they fed him and how much he ate so i will look at that and determine if he needs more veggies or fruit or milk, etc., in the evening. he doesn't much like meat but loves cheese and fruits and veggies.
Crafting: not much now but there is much on the horizon. i'm going to make a simple blanket for charles' man cave reno. i'm also hosting a baby shower and a graduation party at the end of may/beginning of june so i will maybe get out to a fabric store this weekend because i will be making stuff for those.
Reading: i started that fannie flagg book that mom brought up but haven't finished it. i do my reading before bed and lately i just want to go to bed. plus, when i read before bed, pretty soon an hour has gone by and it's really late and then i dont get nearly enough sleep.
Bringing me joy: got to talk to charles for almost 2 hrs friday! we speak about once a week usually for just a few minutes, so that was pretty great. good lord i miss that man! 5 months down and it's still going entirely too slow. but i am so thankful for such a strong relationship that we have. whether he is by my side or not, i know that we can conquer anything together because we are such a great team.
cameron kisses: they sure are slobbery but also wonderful. what a beautiful thing when a little person knows what affection is and chooses on his own to give it to you. it's very gratifying.
Thinking about: crazy SOB in n. korea and the increasing tension in that area.
how to keep a balance with taking care of my son, my husband and myself. i lost 6 pounds this last month (stress? illness? good eating habits? who knows...) and have yet to figure out how to fit in exercise. eating is good, i've got that under control, but exercising means sacrificing time with cameron or sleep and neither are worth it to me to sacrifice right now. hopefully when the weather consistently improves and cameron is not so off in the evenings, we will go on walks or something. but for now - i'm working on being at peace with the fact that my best is good enough and that i am ok.
Pictures to share - nope - i'm at work. although i do have some good ones on the camera to load onto FB at some point.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
journal: just another day
Out my window: a bit chilly this morning but the sun is coming out and it's supposed to be almost 70 by friday. unfortunately i'll be inside at my desk all day with my back to the window, then driving down the turnpike all evening. but still, that's nice weather. on a related note, the time change can bite me.
Clothing myself in: the usual - kahki pants, a blue wrap top (disguisatory clothing is good) and a maroon cardigan. this is bloaty week so i'm feeling a lot like a stuffed sausage, but since i sit behind a desk with 2 monitors in front of me and hardly any visitors, the only one who really would notice that is me. although as the weather warms up and long cardigans are no longer acceptable, it is beginning to occur to me that i might have to shave my legs soon. that sucks.
Around the house: preparing for cameron's 1st birthday party in wichita! i put together 20 treat bags and then started getting RSVPs from people with lots of kids who arent coming. miniature containers of play dough with monkey faces anyone? oh well. it will be nice regardless and hopefully cameron will have fun. it was tough to find a time that wouldnt interfere with everyone's schedule when daddy could skype for it and the time chosen has come right smack in the middle of cameron's new nap time. we'll see how it goes. he's a really good boy and doens't get too crazy. mostly i'm worried about an in law who might get testy if he isn't given his required attention, but cameron's comfort is my #1 priority. avoiding making waves with others is much further down the list.
so anyway, around the house there are a lot of party supplies and the kitchen table is covered in baby book stuff. for some odd reason i thought it would be nice to bring out his baby book for each birthday party which means that i have to get it updated in the next 2 days. along with everything else.
The baby: is great. he is now standing up almost all the time and will shuffle while holding on to things. how cool would it be if he walked at or by his party this weekend?! he is close. he loves being able to explore everything and has been spending a lot of time playing in his room. he has yet to discover that the kitchen cabinets all open and is very curious about the fridge and dishwasher. but for the most part, he plays with his toys and hangs out by himself very well. he will start at the CDC on post on the 25th and i'm nervous about it. it's not the same loving home he's had thus far and i'm worried about the things he might pick up (sickness and bad habits). but it is the only realistic option we have so we're just charging ahead and hoping for the best. i will go this afternoon for my orientation at the facility to meet his teachers and see his room, etc. hopefully that will put me at ease. this is definitely one of those times when i really wish charles were here though. he is awesome at putting me to ease when i am worked up about something like this. havent talked to him since thursday but hopefully i will soon.
In the kitchen: chili a couple days ago and goulash last night. cameron is 100% done with pureed foods, the homemade baby food phase sure seems to have gone quickly! so i am having to cook more to have things he can eat. made spinekopeta last friday and he likes that. we're having a hard time coming up with foods to help him get his iron in, so that was good. tonight we'll give him some goulash. i used veggie spiral pasta and of course, ground turkey, so hopefully he enjoys that. he really likes peas and still sweet potatoes. oh! and mom made some "brownies" the other day. i seem to be rubbing off on her with the healthy foods so she used applesauce instead of oil, half the chocolate chips, added flax seed and used less flour and added carrots. it's more cakey but it's still a guilt-free alternative when you need a chocolate fix so i'm pretty excited about it.
in the next couple of days, we'll make banana bread and chocolate and yellow cupcakes for the bday party. it is likely taht there will be leftover cake. darn.
Crafting: birthday treat bags afforded me the opportunity to make a pinterest project with the monkey play dough, it turned out really cute. and i also did some sewing last weekend for some new babies. i have been able to repurpose the extra receiving blankets i got for cameron and turn them into taggies. i like how they turned out. can't wait to start quilting! but that's probably at least 8 months down the line.
Reading: nothing now.
Bringing me joy: hearing my son call for me, seeing him crawl up to me and try to climb up my leg, chasing him down the hallway crawling after him while he laughs and laughs, sending my husband special gifts to make his day, getting a nice card from a dear friend, having my mom stay with me for a month and a half to babysit and knowing that she gets to see all the new things that cameron is doing right now, having a great relationship with my mother in law, thinking about the reunion with my husband (bittersweet, but still sweet)
Thinking about: wishing i could talk to my husband more, hoping there is little to no family drama this weekend at the party and that the wifi works so that charles can "be there", looking forward to being able to exercise more somehow when the weather is nicer
Clothing myself in: the usual - kahki pants, a blue wrap top (disguisatory clothing is good) and a maroon cardigan. this is bloaty week so i'm feeling a lot like a stuffed sausage, but since i sit behind a desk with 2 monitors in front of me and hardly any visitors, the only one who really would notice that is me. although as the weather warms up and long cardigans are no longer acceptable, it is beginning to occur to me that i might have to shave my legs soon. that sucks.
Around the house: preparing for cameron's 1st birthday party in wichita! i put together 20 treat bags and then started getting RSVPs from people with lots of kids who arent coming. miniature containers of play dough with monkey faces anyone? oh well. it will be nice regardless and hopefully cameron will have fun. it was tough to find a time that wouldnt interfere with everyone's schedule when daddy could skype for it and the time chosen has come right smack in the middle of cameron's new nap time. we'll see how it goes. he's a really good boy and doens't get too crazy. mostly i'm worried about an in law who might get testy if he isn't given his required attention, but cameron's comfort is my #1 priority. avoiding making waves with others is much further down the list.
so anyway, around the house there are a lot of party supplies and the kitchen table is covered in baby book stuff. for some odd reason i thought it would be nice to bring out his baby book for each birthday party which means that i have to get it updated in the next 2 days. along with everything else.
The baby: is great. he is now standing up almost all the time and will shuffle while holding on to things. how cool would it be if he walked at or by his party this weekend?! he is close. he loves being able to explore everything and has been spending a lot of time playing in his room. he has yet to discover that the kitchen cabinets all open and is very curious about the fridge and dishwasher. but for the most part, he plays with his toys and hangs out by himself very well. he will start at the CDC on post on the 25th and i'm nervous about it. it's not the same loving home he's had thus far and i'm worried about the things he might pick up (sickness and bad habits). but it is the only realistic option we have so we're just charging ahead and hoping for the best. i will go this afternoon for my orientation at the facility to meet his teachers and see his room, etc. hopefully that will put me at ease. this is definitely one of those times when i really wish charles were here though. he is awesome at putting me to ease when i am worked up about something like this. havent talked to him since thursday but hopefully i will soon.
In the kitchen: chili a couple days ago and goulash last night. cameron is 100% done with pureed foods, the homemade baby food phase sure seems to have gone quickly! so i am having to cook more to have things he can eat. made spinekopeta last friday and he likes that. we're having a hard time coming up with foods to help him get his iron in, so that was good. tonight we'll give him some goulash. i used veggie spiral pasta and of course, ground turkey, so hopefully he enjoys that. he really likes peas and still sweet potatoes. oh! and mom made some "brownies" the other day. i seem to be rubbing off on her with the healthy foods so she used applesauce instead of oil, half the chocolate chips, added flax seed and used less flour and added carrots. it's more cakey but it's still a guilt-free alternative when you need a chocolate fix so i'm pretty excited about it.
in the next couple of days, we'll make banana bread and chocolate and yellow cupcakes for the bday party. it is likely taht there will be leftover cake. darn.
Crafting: birthday treat bags afforded me the opportunity to make a pinterest project with the monkey play dough, it turned out really cute. and i also did some sewing last weekend for some new babies. i have been able to repurpose the extra receiving blankets i got for cameron and turn them into taggies. i like how they turned out. can't wait to start quilting! but that's probably at least 8 months down the line.
Reading: nothing now.
Bringing me joy: hearing my son call for me, seeing him crawl up to me and try to climb up my leg, chasing him down the hallway crawling after him while he laughs and laughs, sending my husband special gifts to make his day, getting a nice card from a dear friend, having my mom stay with me for a month and a half to babysit and knowing that she gets to see all the new things that cameron is doing right now, having a great relationship with my mother in law, thinking about the reunion with my husband (bittersweet, but still sweet)
Thinking about: wishing i could talk to my husband more, hoping there is little to no family drama this weekend at the party and that the wifi works so that charles can "be there", looking forward to being able to exercise more somehow when the weather is nicer
Pictures to share -
1 year ago tomorrow, at 1:31 in the morning, we welcomed our little boy. i knew he would be perfect for us and was likely to be a good kid with a great personality but i never could have dreamed he would be as amazing as he is. he is truly halarious and adventerous and so smart. he is everything we could have wanted in a son and so much more. he is my favorite person, the best of the two of us, and i am so excited to see who he becomes and where his life will take him.
oh and he's really really cute. :)
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
a journal post requiring little thought
Out my window: preparing for SNOWMAGHEDDON! seriously, whoever came up with that term rocks. it just makes me smile. they're saying 12-16" but we'll see. my parents are at my house so i hope to get snowed in, i love having them there and i love having company to break up the lonliness so i am READY!
Clothing myself in: as i was copying and pasting stuff from the last post to get the categories right, i realized i am wearing the exact same thing, only now i can fit into the "regular sized" khaki pants instead of the 18's. yay me! i've beenable to go to the gym since mom stays with cameron so that's good. will weigh and measure again on the 6th but so far i've lost only 3 pounds but 4 inches. so it's good i guess. better than nothing.
Around the house: work on the basement has begun! come to find out i am a good tile-layer. first coat of paint on the bathroom went up last night. it's a bit more green than i imagined but i still like it. at my request, my valentines day present from charles was a shopping trip to home depot for basement supplies so i'm pretty excited and we have a lot we could do were we to get snowed in! yesss!!!!
The baby: in a 2 week period he has gone from the army crawl to full out crawling to pulling himself up on his knees and now a couple of times pulling himself up to standing. he was *so close* to crawling for so long that i knew he would just bust it out all at once and he sure has. he's having a great time. last night he also waited till i got home to display his new found fit-throwing skillz. it was pretty funny. i'm pretty sure he yelled at me that he was moving away before he tore off down the hallway only to realize that he's a baby and he can't go anywhere. so eventually he came back to where we were but he wasn't happy about it. i'm not sure what we did to offend him but we gave him some cheerios and he was better after that. he still isn't saying 'mama' but he says 'dada' a lot, so i think he thinks that is the interchangable word for a parental figure. i talk to him about daddy a lot so i guess that's my fault. but we'll get it figured out. he knows that he is loved and has parents so that's the important thing. he has been away from his usual daycare situation for a couple weeks now and he misses the other little kids. we're just waiting on the call from the CDC now, hopefully it will come soon. in the mean time, mom is here.
In the kitchen: mom is very comfortable at our house, which is good. she also likes food, which is bad. this past weekend alone, in addition to the valentines candy, she made a dessert for our "valentines dinner" (steak, etc.) which was demolished in 3 days, and also made a batch of cinnamon rolls. i think today or tomorrow she is making cookies. that's all well and good except that it's a lot easier to eat well when that stuff isn't in the house. for almost 3 months now i have done really well and amde lots of progress so this is a big test for me. i had my share of crap over the weekend but cleansed myself of that at the gym last night and have no intention of derailing it again. cinnamon rolls sound good in theory but i have a shake for breakfast so that's easy enough to avoid. cookies might not be so easy, but i'll do my best.
Crafting: i have a few baby gift things i'd like to make, everyone seems to be having boys. there is also a picture that charles has mentioned he "has always wanted" for his bathroom. however i can't find it anywhere online for the life of me, so i might try to make it myself. could be interesting. good thing i have 8 1/2 months till he comes home.
Reading: nothing now. finished harry potter and mom brought up a book she wanted me to read. it's written by the same person who wrote 'fried green tomatoes'. haven't started it yet.
Bringing me joy: seeing cameron grow and learn and play. he's just so happy andalthough his independence can be frustrating, especially when i'm trying to snuggle onhim and he's pushing me away with every ounce of his strength, but he's still so darn cute and full of life. i often have to be mindful about not controlling every aspect of his life and just letting him do what he wants to do as long as it's safe and smart.
Thinking about: how glad i will be when this year is over. this is by far the hardest year of my life, and it's just beginning. we are both so worn out already. but we do what we have to do and we'll be better for it.
Clothing myself in: as i was copying and pasting stuff from the last post to get the categories right, i realized i am wearing the exact same thing, only now i can fit into the "regular sized" khaki pants instead of the 18's. yay me! i've beenable to go to the gym since mom stays with cameron so that's good. will weigh and measure again on the 6th but so far i've lost only 3 pounds but 4 inches. so it's good i guess. better than nothing.
Around the house: work on the basement has begun! come to find out i am a good tile-layer. first coat of paint on the bathroom went up last night. it's a bit more green than i imagined but i still like it. at my request, my valentines day present from charles was a shopping trip to home depot for basement supplies so i'm pretty excited and we have a lot we could do were we to get snowed in! yesss!!!!
The baby: in a 2 week period he has gone from the army crawl to full out crawling to pulling himself up on his knees and now a couple of times pulling himself up to standing. he was *so close* to crawling for so long that i knew he would just bust it out all at once and he sure has. he's having a great time. last night he also waited till i got home to display his new found fit-throwing skillz. it was pretty funny. i'm pretty sure he yelled at me that he was moving away before he tore off down the hallway only to realize that he's a baby and he can't go anywhere. so eventually he came back to where we were but he wasn't happy about it. i'm not sure what we did to offend him but we gave him some cheerios and he was better after that. he still isn't saying 'mama' but he says 'dada' a lot, so i think he thinks that is the interchangable word for a parental figure. i talk to him about daddy a lot so i guess that's my fault. but we'll get it figured out. he knows that he is loved and has parents so that's the important thing. he has been away from his usual daycare situation for a couple weeks now and he misses the other little kids. we're just waiting on the call from the CDC now, hopefully it will come soon. in the mean time, mom is here.
In the kitchen: mom is very comfortable at our house, which is good. she also likes food, which is bad. this past weekend alone, in addition to the valentines candy, she made a dessert for our "valentines dinner" (steak, etc.) which was demolished in 3 days, and also made a batch of cinnamon rolls. i think today or tomorrow she is making cookies. that's all well and good except that it's a lot easier to eat well when that stuff isn't in the house. for almost 3 months now i have done really well and amde lots of progress so this is a big test for me. i had my share of crap over the weekend but cleansed myself of that at the gym last night and have no intention of derailing it again. cinnamon rolls sound good in theory but i have a shake for breakfast so that's easy enough to avoid. cookies might not be so easy, but i'll do my best.
Crafting: i have a few baby gift things i'd like to make, everyone seems to be having boys. there is also a picture that charles has mentioned he "has always wanted" for his bathroom. however i can't find it anywhere online for the life of me, so i might try to make it myself. could be interesting. good thing i have 8 1/2 months till he comes home.
Reading: nothing now. finished harry potter and mom brought up a book she wanted me to read. it's written by the same person who wrote 'fried green tomatoes'. haven't started it yet.
Bringing me joy: seeing cameron grow and learn and play. he's just so happy andalthough his independence can be frustrating, especially when i'm trying to snuggle onhim and he's pushing me away with every ounce of his strength, but he's still so darn cute and full of life. i often have to be mindful about not controlling every aspect of his life and just letting him do what he wants to do as long as it's safe and smart.
Thinking about: how glad i will be when this year is over. this is by far the hardest year of my life, and it's just beginning. we are both so worn out already. but we do what we have to do and we'll be better for it.
Pictures to share - my beautiful boy: he and grandma have a game - she builds the block tower and he comes barreling in to knock it down. she hopes that this will inspire him to learn how to build. (????) i hope this will not get him in trouble at daycare.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
taking a stab at this: Journal
things are slow at work so to pass the time i figured i'd blog. but to help me direct my thoughts to less-depressing things than my previous couple of posts, here's the ever-popular 'journal' thing:
TODAY
Out my window: sun is shining and i think it's supposed to get up to 45 today. i have made a deal with myself that i will load up cameron in the jogging stroller on days when it gets above 50, so we'll see.
Clothing myself in: kahki pants (sorry, i can't spell khaki.. or is that right? who knows, whatever...) that are size 18 and purchased for when i went back to work after the baby. they look rediculous becuase i am thankfully NOT a size 18; however i only have 2 pair of pants for work that are not too tight, including these, so although i could probably fit a midget inthe butt of these pants, i'm going to wear them until the rest of my clothes are more comfortable. but at least i finally let the hem out a bit this weekend so they are no longer 3" too short. i'm a hot mess, what can i say. also have a blue wrap shirt on and a long red sweater coat thing in hopes of disguising the butt situation with these pants. go me.
Around the house: it's pretty clean. mom and dad were here this last weekend. i get stressed out when it's not clean so i often put that ahead of other things but it allows me to feel some sense of control over the world. so house is clean but i still want to clean the carpets upstairs. consequently i'm shootingto spend more time with the baby in the living room because the carpets ARE clean down there.
The baby: the old 'lay a blanket on the floor for him' trick is behind us. still not crawling but that boy is a mover! hence the carpet cleaning stuff... tooth # 5 is through and it's fellow is not far behind. he's recovered from his sickies last weekend and is back to being very happy and active. he crashes shortly after 7 and has no interest in crawling but would rather stand up and flail his arms all over. i keep standing him against the couch to work on supporting himself that way. i am certain that i will regret this later. but he's having a blast.
In the kitchen: been doing the meal replacement shakes for 2 months now and i love it. i still get all of my recomended foods every day but without having to take the time to cook or eat 2 of my 3 big meals. it's wonderful! i plan my food the night before. tonight i'm making a big pot of stuffed pepper soup. i have stuff for some broccoli and cheddar soup too, went to panera this weekend and had a bowl there and decided i must cook it too. tried cauliflower in some mac and cheese a while back and it was great.
Crafting: finally did some sewing this weekend! in addition to the re-hemming of the pants i also made some taggies and sewed together some bath towels to send to a couple of friends in afganistan to protect their electronics from sand, an idea given by another friend with experience in the whole sand vs. electronics thing. now i just have to wait till i get paid friday since i spent my postage fund on groceries. awesome. i hope to make some more taggies and i used some christmas money to buy quilting supplies so i will also eventually do that. i also have a friend and her daughters who come over once a week for crochet lessons so im enjoying that too. oh, and i've discovered the zen quality to painting small things. who knew!? i had occasion to paint some things for christmas gifts and want to do more of it. i'm planning an eventual wooden name plate for cameron's room.
Reading: harry potter and the half blood prince. few people really know about my harry potter addiction, so now you're clued in. reading is my escape and i absolutely love escaping to that world. i've read the entire series probably 10 times at least. it drives charles crazy to see me reading them, but he doesn't know how crazy i could drive him if i didnt. and so i read.
Bringing me joy: talked to charles on instant messenger this morning. i wouldn't go straight to 'joy bringing' since we're both pretty miserable, but it is certainly better to talk to him than not. i'm also happy that cameron is back to his happ self after being sick. and the basement renovation is officially underway and that makes me very happy and excited. i'm surpising charles with it and i'm so excited to do this for him. he will love it!
Thinking about: charles and how to help him, how to help myself, get through this year. it's going so. slowly. also the fact that we have it easy compared to so many others. we had 3 1/2 years together before this year apart. some people get 12-18 months together. to think of that with more than 1 kid, i just can't imagine. so i try to remind myself that it could be worse, although admittedly that doesn't make me feel any better. also thinking of money and wishing i could find a way to make it go further.
Pictures to share - yea, i got nothing. i've been trying to do better about taking them to document the year.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
crap ass
i've sat here at work this morning reading the blogs of friends and pondering what i'd say on a post. unfortuantly most of what has been going through my mind is not very positive and i put a little bit of effort into thinking of a way to turn my crap ass day/week/month/year into some sort of optimistic life lesson that puts trivial human sufferings into perspective but honestly: i got nothin. sometimes stuff just sort of sucks and i dont really care if that's nice or not. i miss the hell out of my husband. he's only been gone for 2 months and we have 10 more to go before i can touch him again, or even look at him 3 dimensionally, see the color of his eyes, snuggle up with him in his oversized sweat pants. this is not ok. i dont like it. it is not easy. and every time i think about that blessed day when i pick him up from the airport with our then 18 month old son running around all over the place, it makes me cry. i had hoped that month #2 would go quickly with the busy holiday season but it didn't really. charles was 100% miserable to be away on christmas and there wasnt a thing i could do about it, which made me miserable too. but now that's over and we're both very glad. now that we're in the new year, the year when we will see each other again, i know the time will go more slowly because we have nothing to distract us between now and then except every day life. and let's face it, that's just not all that distracting with an elephant like this in the room. i walk around every day with a dulled out grey feeling. i do a pretty good job of getting things done, heck, i even cleaned carpets this weekend. and although i know i could always do better with cameron, teaching him to sign or singing songs or whatever, i am still making his baby food and we have at least 30 minutes of play time, just us, every night during the week when i'm not feeding him or myself or cooking or cleaning, etc. so that's pretty good i think, all things considered. my eyebrows are kind of-ish tweezed and for the most part i do well to wear clothes that match, at least when i'm out of the house. i'm even doing pretty well at eating healthy, even though i can't get any exercise in. i lost 2 1/2 inches on my waist this last month but gained a pound. carbs are the enemy. apparently. so is stress. yea... so i know there are good things and i do a pretty good job of celebrating them, not so much because i feel like celebrating at all, but because i know that i have to hold on to something remotely victorious or else i would just go under completely.
this morning cameron, who is getting sick, projectile vomited all over the both of us, and the chair, and the wall behind me. no joke, it was like that scene in shrek the third where the baby in the carriage pukes. he let it go once and then turned to face me and i had a half a second where i grabbed the burp rag on my shoulder an dheld it up in front of my face before he let it go again. it was the weirdest thing i've ever seen. well, no, that's not true. but it was still weird. then he just sat there looking at me all confused with some disgustingly wet hiccups. i cursed myself for putting htat tight shirt on him this morning because now i was peeling off puke-soaked tight shirt. but we got it figured out and i hope i managed to wipe all the puke off both of us before we re-dressed and headed out. i was only a few minutes late to work. that was my superwoman moment of the day, too bad i capped out early because there is a lot of day left here. i tried to find a picture of the scene from shrek but if you have never googled 'shrek the third puke scene', please dont do it. serves me right, that was gross.
so yea, there's an incredibly lame blog post for you. thanks for reading. it just seemed like too much to express as a facebook status.
this morning cameron, who is getting sick, projectile vomited all over the both of us, and the chair, and the wall behind me. no joke, it was like that scene in shrek the third where the baby in the carriage pukes. he let it go once and then turned to face me and i had a half a second where i grabbed the burp rag on my shoulder an dheld it up in front of my face before he let it go again. it was the weirdest thing i've ever seen. well, no, that's not true. but it was still weird. then he just sat there looking at me all confused with some disgustingly wet hiccups. i cursed myself for putting htat tight shirt on him this morning because now i was peeling off puke-soaked tight shirt. but we got it figured out and i hope i managed to wipe all the puke off both of us before we re-dressed and headed out. i was only a few minutes late to work. that was my superwoman moment of the day, too bad i capped out early because there is a lot of day left here. i tried to find a picture of the scene from shrek but if you have never googled 'shrek the third puke scene', please dont do it. serves me right, that was gross.
so yea, there's an incredibly lame blog post for you. thanks for reading. it just seemed like too much to express as a facebook status.
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