crap ass

i've sat here at work this morning reading the blogs of friends and pondering what i'd say on a post.  unfortuantly most of what has been going through my mind is not very positive and i put a little bit of effort into thinking of a way to turn my crap ass day/week/month/year into some sort of optimistic life lesson that puts trivial human sufferings into perspective but honestly: i got nothin.  sometimes stuff just sort of sucks and i dont really care if that's nice or not.  i miss the hell out of my husband.  he's only been gone for 2 months and we have 10 more to go before i can touch him again, or even look at him 3 dimensionally, see the color of his eyes, snuggle up with him in his oversized sweat pants.  this is not ok.  i dont like it.  it is not easy.  and every time i think about that blessed day when i pick him up from the airport with our then 18 month old son running around all over the place, it makes me cry.  i had hoped that month #2 would go quickly with the busy holiday season but it didn't really.  charles was 100% miserable to be away on christmas and there wasnt a thing i could do about it, which made me miserable too.  but now that's over and we're both very glad.  now that we're in the new year, the year when we will see each other again, i know the time will go more slowly because we have nothing to distract us between now and then except every day life.  and let's face it, that's just not all that distracting with an elephant like this in the room.  i walk around every day with a dulled out grey feeling.  i do a pretty good job of getting things done, heck, i even cleaned carpets this weekend.  and although i know i could always do better with cameron, teaching him to sign or singing songs or whatever, i am still making his baby food and we have at least 30 minutes of play time, just us, every night during the week when i'm not feeding him or myself or cooking or cleaning, etc.  so that's pretty good i think, all things considered.  my eyebrows are kind of-ish tweezed and for the most part i do well to wear clothes that match, at least when i'm out of the house.  i'm even doing pretty well at eating healthy, even though i can't get any exercise in.  i lost 2 1/2 inches on my waist this last month but gained a pound.  carbs are the enemy.  apparently.  so is stress.  yea...  so i know there are good things and i do a pretty good job of celebrating them, not so much because i feel like celebrating at all, but because i know that i have to hold on to something remotely victorious or else i would just go under completely. 
this morning cameron, who is getting sick, projectile vomited all over the both of us, and the chair, and the wall behind me.  no joke, it was like that scene in shrek the third where the baby in the carriage pukes.  he let it go once and then turned to face me and i had a half a second where i grabbed the burp rag on my shoulder an dheld it up in front of my face before he let it go again.  it was the weirdest thing i've ever seen.  well, no, that's not true.  but it was still weird.  then he just sat there looking at me all confused with some disgustingly wet hiccups.  i cursed myself for putting htat tight shirt on him this morning because now i was peeling off puke-soaked tight shirt.  but we got it figured out and i hope i managed to wipe all the puke off both of us before we re-dressed and headed out. i was only a few minutes late to work.  that was my superwoman moment of the day, too bad i capped out early because there is a lot of day left here.  i tried to find a picture of the scene from shrek but if you have never googled 'shrek the third puke scene', please dont do it.  serves me right, that was gross.
so yea, there's an incredibly lame blog post for you.  thanks for reading.  it just seemed like too much to express as a facebook status.