the beginning of the end

in our house right now, we have what is known as "the beginning of the end".  charles starts clearing post today, which means that at some point in the next several weeks, he will be taking up residence in a country somewhere on the other side of the world and we will begin the adventure of raising our 6 month old son from separate continents.  i feel a vague looming cloud in the future, but for the most part i try not to dwell on the specifics.  i don't yet know how i will deal with it and how it will play out.  all i know for sure is that it will suck and be very difficult.  there are many things to do between now and then though.  bank accounts to be shuffled, powers of attorney to get, mass quantities of packing to be done, etc.  we dont even know for sure when he'll leave.  we have a "week" but even that could change because he's requested an extension of his leave to allow him a chance to make another trip back to wichita to see his family.  we also don't know if he'll be able to come back part way through the year.  we looked up flight prices last week: $1600-2300.  considering that we plan to use this time to get out of debt, it would somewhat defeat the purpose if so much money was spent.  but we'll see.  it's just another thing on the list of things that will probably suck a lot. 
but there are good points!  Lord knows i have to find good points or else why would i bother at all!  we have gotten very close lately and are doing very well to depend on each other.  yes, that may seem like a very bad point given that we are about to be ripped apart and not able to be together, but you'd be amazed what you can accomplish together when you're physically apart.  i also have been working on great plans for home renovations while he's gone.  the basement is definitely a priority, as are the garage and the landscaping.  obviously, my parents will play a huge roll in this - which leads into another good point: support.  my parents will be up even more than they have been, a couple of other friends have offered to come for a visit, my neighbor and her husband will be very helpful and supportive, and my friend christina is already jumping on the band wagon and getting me out of the house for times when i am alone.  i'm also exercising again.  i did so 4 times last week: 2 nights i went to a class and 2 days i went on long walks with 2 different friends.  i learned very vividly this summer that i cannot be as much of a loner as i want to be, it is unhealthy for me (or anyone for that matter).  phone calls are good, but human interaction is just necessary. 
so while my misery is eminent, i'm doing my best to focus on the things that will get me through the transition until i can establish a new routine: support, plans, exercise and generally keeping busy. 
prayer intentions: controlling my anger.  one of the stages of transition that always seem to creep in when he leaves is the anger/resentment.  it is obviously not good and definitely not fair to him, but with the baby in the equation and my anger always so close to the surface these days anyway, it is a major contributor to what scares me about the situation.  my mental health is slippery, at best, for the most part and i fear what will happen when the "balance" of my world is upset. 
another intention: this weekend i was told of a possible job opportunity  that would be a substantial pay raise.  it would be a very difficult job, but i can do it, and it would be worth it to not have to stress about money.  i would not leave my current job if it weren't for the opportunity of actually being able to pay all my bills.
making me happy: there is a sams club opening at legends next month, i'm very exited.

little man: he's still super smiley and teething.  cereal consumption is going better but still hit or miss.  he'll be having his 6 month checkup a cuople of weeks late, but thankfully he has not had so much as a sniffle so there are no complaints there.  he sleeps about 10 hrs a night.  he rolls and scoots around but no crawling yet, but it's coming soon i think. 

i look at this whenever i need a smile: