a stressful time

well, all the MAJOR work stresses (dept. of the army and company CEO visit all next week + many many extra marketing duties for me) aside, yesterday charles' grandpa passed away. this was, by no means totally unexpected. but still extremely difficult for charles right now. luckily, yesterday he somewhat kind of almost had part of a day off and i was able to talk to him in the afternoon and again in the evening. i got a call from his cousin, then his mom telling me that his grandpa had passed away that afternoon. then i had the horrible task of telling my husband the news. he said some things that made my heart break for him. i have never felt so helpless as i have the last 24 hours. he ran and got a phone card after i told him online (of all ways) and while he talked to his mom, i went round and round with the Red Cross to get a message to him through his chain of command. naturally, he could very well just go up to his command and tell them that he needed to get home for a funeral, but until they hear it from the red cross, they wouldnt believe him. so i now have a new and deep appreciation for what the red cross does. everyone i talked to through the night was just wonderful. i called and opened a case with them, needed to get the name of the nursing home he passed away at so that they could verify, and had to call back. then after i had gone to bed, i got a call at 11 and they were not having much luck getting answers and had me confirm that they were looking for the right name. so they went to it again, and i got another call at 3am to hear that whoever was assigned to my case had been calling every single nursing home in the wichita area hoping to find the one with answers. they had no luck. i am very appreciative of their efforts, but pissed off that no one would give them answers. so i got up at 5:30 and called the nursing home because i knew very well that he had been there. they lady let it slip that she knew of him but wouldnt tell me anything and refused to confirm to red cross. so red cross had to wait till 8 and talk to a manager to get the info. it was frustrating because i was requesting the message to charles' command to "notify and request his presence". time is of the essence when you could potentially be planning a trip from deployment in a few hours. so anyway, the red cross got everything checked out and had a message sent to his command within 20 minutes. i am so happy that they did their job so well. i heard from charles at 10:30ish this morning, he had been given his message and they were possibly going to let him come home. so my day was spent trying desperately to comfort my husband, who is 100% miserable and surrounded by the darkest most evil and depressing environment and also totally alone; trying to get in touch with his mother to find out when the funeral is in case i am buying plane tickets, worrying about how we'll pay for the tickets, and knowing that charles is 50x more worried about paying for plane tickets than i am, and just generally being up in the air about everything. finally got everything somewhat situated and got enough done at work (also finding out that the funeral is monday so i dont have to miss work tomorrow and can finish my stuff), then tonight he told me taht he is not coming. a decision of his own accord.
i am totally ok with his decision. i did not want him here for my own selfish reasons at all (one of many breakthroughs in my personal development as a wife that is happening with deployment). i just worry about him accepting his decision and how he will deal with the grief alone over there. but i support his choice and will obviously be going to the funeral in his place.
so please anyone who reads this, pray for charles' family and especially lots of prayers for him right now. he has at least 7 more days of 18 hour work days before he might get one day off. and he's dealing with this almost as alone as you can be.