spring and new beginnings

hehehe, whenever i eat chinese food, i always look forward to the fortune cookie. not only because they're tasty, but because i have a small part of me that believes the fortune and most especially, because i like to laugh when adding "in my pants" to the end of it. as i just wrote that title to my blog post, i had the overwhelming desire to add "in my pants" - but that's just not true... totally.
which brings me to my next paragraph (obviously). there ARE actually somewhat of some new beginnings in my pants! nothing raunchy, fear not. more of a hopeful lessening effect. i have embarked upon a couple of new adventures. first, i am taking fat burner pills. $50 per bottle fat burner pills. $50. $50. yea. so me and my $50 fat burner pills have become friends. i'm going on 18 days now and feeling good about the situation. i am using them faithfully (because i'm desperate and because i want to get my money's worth) and also taking a daily multi-vitamin, drinking water like it's going out of style, and opting to eat 5 small meals a day every 3 hours instead of this "diet" as some call it. i'm very happy with my efforts. and while the scale is just barely beginning to change numbers, i am very optimistic. the second part of my two-fold body makeover plan is something the french like to call a certain "exercise". this has never been a strong suit of mine, mainly because i'm lazy. but frankly, now i have gone beyond lazy and moved into the realm of "pissed off". TWICE last week alone i was asked if i am pregnant. this is especially offensive, considering that i havent had sex in almost 2 months. i went out to dinner saturday and actually had to eat, then walk around walmart with my button on my jeans undone because i could not stand the pain caused by wearing my clothing properly. i ask you: what the hell?! pissed. off.
so it's officially "on". eating healthy is easy. when i don't eat much throughout the day, i don't want what i DO eat to be crap. drinking water is easy because those pills make me incredibly thirsty. and sleeping 8ish hours of sleep is easy because i dont have a whole lot else happening late at night so i might as well sleep! so if i can just keep up with the exercise, which i am determined to do because i'm excited to see how well i can make these pills work for me, then it should be good!

regarding my emotional state in my last post: the last few days have been good. i will still be speaking to my doctor about the situation tomorrow when i go for another probing of my downstairs to check for death spots, but i think for now at least i'm doing fine. i did opt to share my struggles with charles and he responded as i knew he would. but at least he knows and is, as always, supportive and trying his very best to take care of me, as i am him. i'm so grateful to finally be at a place in my marraige that my absolute #1 priority is to take care of my husband. i dont know what took me so long to get here. probably selfishness. but although my world is a big crazy and muddled at times right now, my marriage is amazing. and i'm happy.