when i leave work in 21 minutes, i will go home where my mom and "dog sister" are waiting. we will spend the weekend working on my landscaping project, eating pasta, eating chocolate, probably drinking, and maybe shopping a bit. this is our early mother's day extravaganza weekend. i'm pretty excited.
carlitos left yesterday. i am very impressed with myself that i did not even cry or get upset yesterday morning when i turned away from my half-sleeping husband in bed and stalked out the door to go to work. i'll admit that i had about 10 seconds of "ooh, boo." and then i took a deep breath and kept going. progress! i will NOT go so far as to say that i'm excited about spending almost 2 months without him, cause i'd obviously much rather have him here. but i'm looking forward to the time to spend exercising and working on the house. i always work better under pressure and i have many ideas for home improvements and a deadline of things i want to accomplish before he gets home. i am also looking forward to not having to make dinner if i don't feel like it, or being able to watch a disney movie or harry potter without listening to sniffles in the corner. i realize i watch the same movies over and over again - i have a select few movies that i like and i dont really care to watch anything new. that's just my thing. whatever. this is apparently extremely frustrating to other people. but lucky for me, i dont care! so when i get to the point that i have accomplished enough of my home improvement tasks, i might allow myself a 6 hour pride and prejudice festival. this is not something that can be done with a husband in the house and i honestly don't think i've watched it since he got back from the last deployment. now that calls for some sniffling in the corner!
all the ladies in the office ordered carryout from an italian place in town and i opted for a salad from the salad bar at the commissary. it was the best $8 salad i've ever had. just about the time i was skipping back in to work feeling proud of my salad-eating, someone came back to the kitchen with a dirt cake made for us by a former resident. 2 huge helpings later, i will go home and probably go out to eat italian with mom tonight. horay for elastic pants!
fertility update: my lab work from last week came back normal. so the previously suspected "Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrom" nightmare has apparently been discounted. i'm happy about it i suppose, but i'm getting the impression now that they dont really know what's wrong with me. however, my doctors on post have done all they can to check things and, knowing my time crunch situation, called me this afternoon to tell me about my results and informed me that they had already scheduled me an appointment with my OB/GYN off post for Tuesday. Lord bless them! i am increasingly excited about each next step in the process towards finding a solution. i am 100% confident that it will work out and that i will soon get to do the *happy pregnancy dance*, i am just impatient. but alas, as with the rest of any important life situation: i wait. i suppose since i am "waiting" for so many things in my life, it's best to view the situations not so much as things between which to kill time. because to spend my life "waiting for the good stuff to happen" is incredibly depressing. thus: until charles comes home, i will be very busy exercising and working on the house and i will enjoy it. and until we get pregnant, we will keep trying, enjoying that too! smile - life is about filling up the wait with cool stuff. yay!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
rainy Friday
so i'm at work in body and that's about it. it's rainy and my house is dirty. granted, the dog doesnt mind, and she's the one who's there most out of the 3 of us, but i do. my bathroom and the kitchen are in desperate need of attention, so much so that i might actually not put it off this weekend and scrub that toilet and shower. boo.
we have become quite the social butterflies, carlitos and i. tonight we have been invited to a friend's 30th bday bbq. guests were asked to bring side dishes or desserts. if i can find room on the counters amidst the dirty dishes (and if it hasn't gone bad already), i think i will cut up the pinapple i bought at sam's last week and take it. it is well below my usual dish-bringing show off standards, but it's also something that does not require me to go to the store after work and i'm sure it will be well-recieved. if not, i'll just bring it back home and eat it myself. tomorrow we will be doing a crab boil. our new friends, jeremy and kelly, are from upper new york and have introduced us to fun new food. jeremy and charles did well at a poker game last weekend and decided to spend their winnings on snow crab that was on sale at dillons. so now i have 10 pounds of pinky crab legs in my big freezer in the garage. being inexperienced in the fine art of crab anything, i asked jeremy what one would typically pair with crab to make a meal. "butter, lots of butter. and maybe a little salt. but mostly butter." was his reply. i pressed further and he started naming off fancy things like seafood stuffed mushroom caps and many other things that sound fancy and involve more seafood but i can't remember any of them. anyway, the overall theme was more seafood (and butter). so i found a couple of interesting recipes that i will try, one being lobster cakes. and i like bacon-wrapped bbq shrimp, so i'm going to do that too. or perhaps just ax the lobster cakes and save money and just do the shrimp and some potatos or something. who knows. sunday i'm just planning to lay around having gas after eating all the craziness today and tomorrow. should be fun.
i have the dog a bath yesterday, well, actually a shower. she was not a fan - but she smells better at least.
charles will leave for school in a week and a half. i'm not looking forward to it but plan to try to keep pretty busy. i will be starting a fairly large landscaping project hopefully this weekend. once that is complete i will look inside the house and see what sort of mischief i can handle in there.
it is generally acknowledged in our house that we can assume that charles will be leaving for deployment towards the end of the summer, by choice. he will make sandcastles for 1 year. it's lame, but it is what it is. mostly i'm not really dealing with it yet. i will be sad, he will leave, i will be much more sad, then i will go through the usual stages of the separation process and will eventually settle into my new routine. mostly i just want to be pregnant before he leaves. even knowing that i could go through it 99% alone and 100% without my husband, i know that i will be 1,000,000 times more upset about him leaving if i am not pregnant when he does. but alas, i am not the puppet master in this show, and here i sit. so hopefully my sonograms and various associated proddings will get me all fixed up before he gets back from school.
we have become quite the social butterflies, carlitos and i. tonight we have been invited to a friend's 30th bday bbq. guests were asked to bring side dishes or desserts. if i can find room on the counters amidst the dirty dishes (and if it hasn't gone bad already), i think i will cut up the pinapple i bought at sam's last week and take it. it is well below my usual dish-bringing show off standards, but it's also something that does not require me to go to the store after work and i'm sure it will be well-recieved. if not, i'll just bring it back home and eat it myself. tomorrow we will be doing a crab boil. our new friends, jeremy and kelly, are from upper new york and have introduced us to fun new food. jeremy and charles did well at a poker game last weekend and decided to spend their winnings on snow crab that was on sale at dillons. so now i have 10 pounds of pinky crab legs in my big freezer in the garage. being inexperienced in the fine art of crab anything, i asked jeremy what one would typically pair with crab to make a meal. "butter, lots of butter. and maybe a little salt. but mostly butter." was his reply. i pressed further and he started naming off fancy things like seafood stuffed mushroom caps and many other things that sound fancy and involve more seafood but i can't remember any of them. anyway, the overall theme was more seafood (and butter). so i found a couple of interesting recipes that i will try, one being lobster cakes. and i like bacon-wrapped bbq shrimp, so i'm going to do that too. or perhaps just ax the lobster cakes and save money and just do the shrimp and some potatos or something. who knows. sunday i'm just planning to lay around having gas after eating all the craziness today and tomorrow. should be fun.
i have the dog a bath yesterday, well, actually a shower. she was not a fan - but she smells better at least.
charles will leave for school in a week and a half. i'm not looking forward to it but plan to try to keep pretty busy. i will be starting a fairly large landscaping project hopefully this weekend. once that is complete i will look inside the house and see what sort of mischief i can handle in there.
it is generally acknowledged in our house that we can assume that charles will be leaving for deployment towards the end of the summer, by choice. he will make sandcastles for 1 year. it's lame, but it is what it is. mostly i'm not really dealing with it yet. i will be sad, he will leave, i will be much more sad, then i will go through the usual stages of the separation process and will eventually settle into my new routine. mostly i just want to be pregnant before he leaves. even knowing that i could go through it 99% alone and 100% without my husband, i know that i will be 1,000,000 times more upset about him leaving if i am not pregnant when he does. but alas, i am not the puppet master in this show, and here i sit. so hopefully my sonograms and various associated proddings will get me all fixed up before he gets back from school.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Peter
i've been going to a differnet church for the last month or so and i really enjoy it most out of all 5 or 6 churches i've tried out since leaving home. well, today's gospel is one of my favorites. it was the one about doubting thomas. i think this is one of the most identifiable gospel readings of all. one of charles' biggest turn off's with the catholic church is how we are all constantly being told that we are sinners. well, newsflash: we are! just look at thomas - he actually personally knew jesus and still acted like an idiot. my priest pointed out something i hadn't ever realized too, thomas was with jesus when he raised lazarus from the dead. yet he still didn't believe? come on now - really? but while i imagine that everone can identify with thomas, peter's story is what really spoke to me today. the homily was about how we identify with our beliefs, especially the resurrection. it is one thing to say "yes, i believe that the earth orbits the sun". this has no social implications for us, it does not define us as a person because it is a commonly known fact. whereas if we were to say "yes, i believe that jesus died for us and rose from the dead and is in heaven preparing a nice cushy chair for us, should we deserve it" - well that's quite something else. people will ask us questions, they might think differently of us or might identify with us differnetly and challenge us. so while making this point, the priest brought up the fact that of the 12 guys that jesus specifically called to himself as desciples, 25% of them were idiots. judas betrayed him then killed himself, thomas had his head up his butt, and peter denied him 3 times and then ran away and hid while his best friend was being brutally murdered.
so i was dwelling on poor peter. what an emotional roller coaster he had! he was the most beloved, he was the closest to jesus. he spent every day with this man for 3 years and really knew him. i think of the friends i've made in the last 3 years and how well i know them. now add onto that the ministry and the trials that they all endured together, the miracles they saw, the places they went, the people they effected and the followers they had. they went through a lot in those 3 years. so then things start to go south and jesus is more closely watched. people are trying to trip him up and get him into trouble; and peter is his right hand man. his best friend is coming under fire and he is an accomplice. do you stand with him or step back? now he's been captured. peter stood by and watched his friend be taken away by soldiers, then he was afraid, probably feeling incredibly guilty, but obviously more afraid. he ran away from the scene and did nothing. nothing. he walked further away, didnt try to speak up for his friend, didn't try to help him carry his cross (a stranger in the crowd did that), didnt try to wipe his face (a group of women did that), didn't even try to comfort his mother (one of the other guys did that). he ran. then when accused of being with jesus, he pretended that he didnt even know him. we've all had some embarassing friends, but let's say those embarassing friends were God - would you pretend that you didnt know him just because it might make you socially uncomfortable or might catagorize you in some way? well peter did - x3. guilt guilt guilt. so as if he wasnt already feeling like a scum bag, about this time he hears that judas, another friend, has killed himself for what he's done, for his guilt. wouldnt you imagine that peter considered the same thing? instead he hides. after a couple of days, he gets wind of the fact that jesus' tomb is empty. maybe he's just starting to crawl out of his guilt and deal with the mourning process. his friend has died and that's gotta be tough. who will lead us now? and on top of that, someone stole his body. so he checks it out - yep, he's gone. now what? where do i go? who can i tell? will my other friend accept me back after i totally ditched out on everything?
well luckily they did and he pulled himself back up on his feet and went on with life - i imagine having learned a healthy dose of self-awarness, humility, and courage. this, one of the weakest and strongest of men was chosen to lead the faith.
we're all sinners. check. we all go through our own emotional roller coasters and our own times of weakness and trial - but why? perhaps we should all remember poor peter when things really start to suck. instead of a "poor me" or a "this is too hard", maybe we could think: god is preparing us for something amazing. without becoming acquainted with our weakness, we will not be able to realize our strengths. and i believe that god calls us to be strong. he calls the weak and makes us strong. and that, just like anything worth havng or being, requires some sacrifice.
so i was dwelling on poor peter. what an emotional roller coaster he had! he was the most beloved, he was the closest to jesus. he spent every day with this man for 3 years and really knew him. i think of the friends i've made in the last 3 years and how well i know them. now add onto that the ministry and the trials that they all endured together, the miracles they saw, the places they went, the people they effected and the followers they had. they went through a lot in those 3 years. so then things start to go south and jesus is more closely watched. people are trying to trip him up and get him into trouble; and peter is his right hand man. his best friend is coming under fire and he is an accomplice. do you stand with him or step back? now he's been captured. peter stood by and watched his friend be taken away by soldiers, then he was afraid, probably feeling incredibly guilty, but obviously more afraid. he ran away from the scene and did nothing. nothing. he walked further away, didnt try to speak up for his friend, didn't try to help him carry his cross (a stranger in the crowd did that), didnt try to wipe his face (a group of women did that), didn't even try to comfort his mother (one of the other guys did that). he ran. then when accused of being with jesus, he pretended that he didnt even know him. we've all had some embarassing friends, but let's say those embarassing friends were God - would you pretend that you didnt know him just because it might make you socially uncomfortable or might catagorize you in some way? well peter did - x3. guilt guilt guilt. so as if he wasnt already feeling like a scum bag, about this time he hears that judas, another friend, has killed himself for what he's done, for his guilt. wouldnt you imagine that peter considered the same thing? instead he hides. after a couple of days, he gets wind of the fact that jesus' tomb is empty. maybe he's just starting to crawl out of his guilt and deal with the mourning process. his friend has died and that's gotta be tough. who will lead us now? and on top of that, someone stole his body. so he checks it out - yep, he's gone. now what? where do i go? who can i tell? will my other friend accept me back after i totally ditched out on everything?
well luckily they did and he pulled himself back up on his feet and went on with life - i imagine having learned a healthy dose of self-awarness, humility, and courage. this, one of the weakest and strongest of men was chosen to lead the faith.
we're all sinners. check. we all go through our own emotional roller coasters and our own times of weakness and trial - but why? perhaps we should all remember poor peter when things really start to suck. instead of a "poor me" or a "this is too hard", maybe we could think: god is preparing us for something amazing. without becoming acquainted with our weakness, we will not be able to realize our strengths. and i believe that god calls us to be strong. he calls the weak and makes us strong. and that, just like anything worth havng or being, requires some sacrifice.
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