reflecting

here's what's on my mind: the love languages. for purposes of general information - charles shows his love through trust and respect. i show mine through attention and affection. yes, we both love each other very much but we show it in the way that we wish to recieve it for ourselves more than we show it in the way that the other person needs to get it. why is this an issue? because we are in totally differnet parts of the world for 9 more months and although i know well that my husband loves me very much - there are times when i feel like i am getting absolutely no signs of that. he works long hours and many days in a row, and then after work he does PT, then goes to the gym, then has to come home and do his own laundry, clean his room, find food, do whatever else. so i understand that i should not expect to talk to him every day. and i dont. fine. super duper. that's life. but i email him almost every day with just tidbits of information such as: what's on my mind, what i'm doing, how work is going, etc. i do not expect lengthy accounts of his life down there. but it would really be nice to get a sentence or two once or twice a week just to let me know that he's thinking about me or how he's doing. i get nothing. i've told him before that it would be nice to get things like that, but i dont think he understands how important it is to me that i get just a bit more of his attention. he appreciates the emails that i send him, but he has made it clear that they are not necessary because he knows that i am thinking of him every day without recieving an email telling him so. well i'm glad that they're not neccessary for HIM, but that doesnt mean that they're not a bit necessary for ME. this concept has not yet sunk in on his end. i was hoping to talk to him in the last couple of days because i knew he was off work. usually on his days off he goes to the beach or out on the boat with some friends. i dont expect him to spend his days off cooped up in his room talking to me. i understand very well from my own experiences that it is unhealthy to spend days upon end of all your free time by yourself just pining for your spouse and staring at the walls. so i'm happy for him that he has diversions. but when he can get 2 days off to get things done and then go have fun with your friends and he chooses to do the fun stuff INSTEAD of talking to his wife or even sending her a brief note or ANYTHING at all, then i am going to feel a bit left out. ok - a lot left out. i want so badly to just ask him what number i am. does it go: wife, work, fun with friends? or work, fun with friends, wife? cause that's kinda what i'm feeling like right now. i am finding plenty of ways to keep myself occupied without him. but that's just the problem - i'd rather be finding ways to keep myself occupied but still feeling his presence at all times in a sense other than "i wish i knew he was thinking of me". i cleaned the house hard core yesterday, but then when i was finished and sitting down to watch a movie, i was wondering: why did i do that? it makes me feel better, yes. but i wanted the house to be clean and it makes me feel like i want to prepare a clean and happy home for my husbands return but he doesnt want to be a part of it right now.
dont know if any of that makes sense, i just wanted to rant.