rantings

That is just PRICELESS! for those who don't know, this is betsy, dad's dog. naturally, since we like to torchure our pets, angel and beanie had their pictures taken with bunny ears too, but neither are as awesome as betsy's. she looks PISSED!
update: nothing's changed.
well, that's kind of a lie. i am getting headaches again and i thought my breathing machine was broken but the lady came out to check it monday and it's fine... but now i'm also wearing a chin strap that looks like a strange pair of lycra underwear only on my head. this is the only reason to be happy that i'm sleeping alone for a year because i'm pretty sure i look rediculous. luckily beanie doesnt notice as she often looks rediculous too.
easter was fun with mom and dad and the girls up for the weekend. saturday mom and i developed a new shopping technique: drunk shopping. i wasnt drunk, however, just had a bit of a quease, but i cannot vouch for mom. we went to a great restaraunt that i have recently discovered where one can purchase a LITER of different flavors of long island iced tea for the bargain price of $6. we were doing fine until half way through our drinks, dad bet us that we couldnt chug them. mom won. i love my parents. :O)

I BURNED 400 CALORIES TODAY!!!!

well, hopefully i burned more than that, but that's how much i burned on the eliptical machine! yeay me! i'm SO sick of being so damn fat that my enthusiasm will not die for at least another 20 pounds. i am currently at my max weight and i don't appreciate it. i weighed this much when i was with mike, and i have NO idea how i was not disgusted with myself. so alas, i WILL be healthier.
on an even more exciting note, i got to see my husband yesterday! horay for yahoo messenger and webcams!!! it did make me miss him even more, as i'm sure it will every time we do that for the coming months. but it was overall much more of a good thing than a bad thing. :o)

Hello, and MY HOUSE IS CLEAN!!!

first of all, thanks very much to my lovely friends back home who have shown so much support through this bloggity thing and in many other ways. it means very much to me, especially on days when the going is tough. i ask as well for prayers for charles. i have gotten to talk to him a couple of times and he seems pretty miserable. on the day he got there, we spoke for 5 minutes and he seemed optimistic, very tired, and affectionate. it struck me in a very deep way how much it means to hear "i love you very much and miss you very much". those are phrases that people don't say often, at least i dont. maybe i'm a bit heartless, but i really dont miss too many people all that much. i love MANY people, but i dont dwell on how much i want to go shopping with mom or out to dinner with lizabeth or catch up with so many other friends. of course i feel those things, but there just isnt a need for me to say it. but when those words come from your spouse, your best friend, your confidant, your rock - and you know that although you've only been apart for a week or so, and it will be a few months before you get just a few days togther, then another few months again, it's just amazing how much those words mean!! it just rips my heart out! he misses me, and he needs to be with me, his safe place; just like i need him in the same way. but we can't. and we won't for quite a while. and we feel it.
on a less intense note: i have finally re-claimed my house from when we were in wichita and it was a DISASTER when we came home. i am very happy and beanie doesn't know what to think of all the clean floors. nose to the ground all the time.
speaking of beanie, she had her female operation yesterday. she's moving slowly and isnt wimpering too much today. i paid the extra $20 for pain pills for her so she wouldnt hurt. i hate it that she hurts at all and is not her usual peppy self. my mom says this feeling of misery and guilt and helplessness is what it feels like to be a mom. bless you all who are already parents, because i'm gonna be a big mush ball when it's my turn!

feeling different

i will say that i feel better than i did friday, but in a different way. charles leaves for cuba from florida at 6am tomorrow. the last few days of contact with him has not necessarily been ideal, but it has at least happened every day. i imagine i will get to talk to him briefly tomorrow if he can afford a phone card, just so i know he made it there. but after that, i dont know when. the last time we discussed it, the plan was for him to call me once a week. and he will try to check his email every day.
needless to say, i am not staring up from the bottom of a VERY steep, year-long hill. i know the strength is in me to do this and do it well, but i dont yet know where that strength is. the time for searching is now at hand.

feeling a bit blue

well ok, charles is in florida having a pretty good time - i've only been without him for 3 days. today started out just fine, but the work day ended kinda sour. and it's not really anyone's fault, i just am sort of being suzie raincloud over here. and not even because charles is gone - granted, i would be more cheery if i knew that he would be coming home tonight, but that's not the point. i'm just generally in a funk right now. behold my lame ass explanation - if you can find a reason in all this rambling, good for you:
i got a REALLY nice promotion at work thursday. it was my first day back at work and as i was sifting through my 45 emails, i found one that said that denise ("marketing director/TEMPORARY assistant community manager") had been made the official community manager and would be doing marketing director as well with my help. no big shocker there - that's what denise wanted in the first place and we all pretty much knew she would be getting it. i have no problem with that, she has been doing a great job and i have been helping her anyway with the aspects of her job that she doesnt like, i.e.: writing newsletters and articles and anything else that might need to be written. i'm fine with that! so yes, got another email to go to a meeting at 9am to discuss "job duties". how naive of me, i thought it would concern BOTH denise and i. instead they all sat me down and said "we want to make you the marketing assistant, take aaway some of your current tasks and add more writing and some reporting" (more or less). SCORE! win one for me! most of my new jobs i was doing already and the rest of them are EXACTLY what an acting marketing director is supposed to do minus that whole line of b.s. about being the "public face of the company"... dont want to do that crap. so that's cool! and i get a raise but i dont know how much yet, should find out monday or tuesday. but either way, it's clear that i am appreciated and i love my job.
cool on that.
so then today i had a few things to finish writing today and a whole bunch of little piddly things kept happening and i just became more and more angry at life. the damn Time Warner crap was crashing again an so every foriegn turd on base called to complain. people wouldnt leave me alone so i could DO my job, beanie shit all over the carpet at lunch, charles called and was pissy for some reason. so i'm just over all in a funk. and then, my "workout partners" bailed on me again. i can't blame them though, i could have gone alone. but damnit, it snowed today and i'm all pissy and just really didnt want to go sweat my butt off and feel nasty tonight. i'd much rather be as i am now, whining to the wind in my pj's getting ready to watch silly movies and each chocolate. there's a party tomorrow night for some birthday boys and i am taking beanie weenie so that i can do shots to my hearts content and stay overnight. i'm thinking of making my favorite peanut butter chocolate chip cookies for the occasion since i dont have enough money to go to the store righ tnow.
chocolate - here i come!