just a couple more days!

so my induction is most likely going to happen on Wednesday after the diabetes dr sees that my numbers are still high, despite the continued increase in dosage of the medication. if, by some miracle, he decides not to do it then, I am on the books for Friday with my dr. either way, I plan to stop working Wednesday. although, I've been having contractions all morning, so I might not even make it that far - which is perfectly fine with me. as of the growth sonogram Tuesday, he was estimated to be 6 lbs 15 oz. take that with a grain of salt, obviously, but the point is that he's clearly not a delicate flower of a little boy and my business already hurts at the thought of it. I am nervous for labor but excited for the result. I give myself pep talks about how short it is likely to be this time around whenever they're needed. my goal is again to go without drugs, although I suspect that I will feel much more of it this time just because I have already been feeling it for the last couple of months. I'm not at all opposed to medication, but if it really is just a few hours, I think I can handle that. besides, once you get to the pushing stage, it doesn't hurt anyway. at least it didn't for me. felt quite glorious actually. the week or so after was by far more painful from swollen/stitched areas down below.
so other than all that usual stuff, things are pretty ok at my house. Cameron is still a bit of a turkey but he's doing ok. I've said before that the only way I can get him pinned down for some snuggles is if I put some youtube videos on my phone. this is a current favorite. he refers to it as the "doo doo doo". you will see why if you watch it. he rocks out hard core and last night, for the first time, he sang it almost entirely the way through, singing multiple parts with admirable accuracy for a 2 1/2 yr old. it was hilarious! he also enjoys the muppet's version of bohemian rhapsody, another good one, especially now that he's caught on to proper head-banging protocol. and he remains a pretty devout fan of pharrell Williams. Get Lucky is a definite hit, in fact the end of it came on the radio when I flipped stations on the way to school earlier this week, which promptly led to a massive meltdown because he wanted to hear it and we had just caught the end. Happy, of course, is another pharrell staple in frequent rotation. I absolutely LOVE that I am able to expose him to so many different kinds of music in many different ways. it's no secret that music has always been important to me, and Charles is the same, with an even more varied taste. so we just have a blast exposing him to all sorts of stuff. for obvious reasons, we've been watching a lot of movies lately and I think he's now gone 5 days straight of watching the lion king. while eating dinner last night he randomly busted out some African tribal chants and we about peed our pants.
Charles is doing well. he only has to make a couple of floating shelves for above the bar and the man cave will be finished. he hopes to get to that this weekend in addition to cleaning out/organizing the shed. but he has been able to actually (finally) use his man cave space recently and it makes me very happy! it's a great space, he likes the way it looks, and he has a place he can go to blow off some steam.
I'm very much looking forward to exercising again. it's incredibly frustrating that the lower half of my body is not functioning and I'm infinitely thankful that this is such a temporary condition. in addition to the nerve issue in my back/butt, my right leg is painfully tight and now my left knee has decided it doesn't want to work either. probably has a lot to do with the 40 extra pounds I'm lugging, so I'm eagerly anticipating a lot of good stretching and some long walks to start out. strength training and jogging will follow, with the goal to be a lot of 5ks next summer, a half marathon next October in downtown kc, and the Disney world princess half in feb of 16. it tough mudder comes back or warrior dash, i'll hit those too. I definitely want to do a tough mudder. but that will take a lot more training than just a run. either way, I'm excited to hit it pretty hard once I'm able. a favorite quote/mantra of mine is something to the effect of: if you can't stop thinking about it, make it happen. being incredibly fit is this for me. and so although I'm scared and I know it will be very hard to find the time and energy, I will do it.
so in the mean time, I'm still working "working" and getting as much done as I can to set them up for success for the next 6 weeks without me during an incredibly busy time of year. I know I will come back in October to some hellatious piles of 'job security', but that's ok. mom has been here for another 3 weeks and this weekend dad is coming also. he got permission from my grandparents to stay until luke is born, so we are all happy that he will be here for that. charles' mom will come up too, which will be very good. then Charles will get his 10 days off and after that I will try my hand at transporting 2 kids by myself. should be interesting.

still ungracefully pregnant

to those of you with multiple kids, seriously - how in the eff do you do it?! I like to think that, in ordinary circumstances, I'm pretty good at letting things roll off my back. but this pregnancy has turned me into what I feel to be the worst version of myself! I don't care how many people attempt to reassure me with talk of "you're a million years pregnant and entitled to be whiney and uncomfortable", it does not make me feel any better for snapping at my son, husband and mother, all of whom are doing their very best to provide for me and take care of things I am unable to do. I guess the only thing I can do is continue to work hard at keeping my mouth shut and send myself to my room with a book and a large glass of water every time I get twitchy. needless to say, I've been sent to my room almost as often as the 2 yr old these last couple of weeks.
the pregnancy itself is going well now, for the most part. in theory, I have another 4-5 weeks to go, but I strongly disagree with my doctor who laughs at me every week when I go in for an appointment. this pregnancy has been 95% uncharted waters for me, I've been having contractions and dilating for the last 2 months, so by now, my body is pretty worn out and NOTHING feels "normal". (although I know "normal" is relative.) with Cameron, I legitimately didn't feel a single contraction of any kind until the last 45 minutes of pregnancy. no lie. so I pretty much spend every waking moment in freak out mode because things are happening that I'm not used to. it doesn't help that we live an hour from the hospital (which is in south KC) and know that this labor will go QUICKLY. we actually went to the hospital last Thursday morning for a few hours but were sent back home due to lack of progress. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the day in pain laying down as they had to get two different people to check me multiple times to determine that there had been no cervical change. awesome. But as of then, at least, I was 65% effaced and dilated to 3. I have an appointment today and haven't decided if I want to get checked again or not.
the gestational diabetes is pretty much a disaster this time around. they put me on medication and then doubled it, and I still can't keep my numbers down no matter what I eat. I'm not so much worried about that so much as just completely have zero tolerance for the ass-chewing that I have to drive an hour to receive each week from the perinatalogist. I am not a fan of time-wasting experiences and this definitely qualifies as one in my books.
so yea, boo hoo and crap.
let me try to balance this out with some positivity:
Cameron has been nice-ish the last couple of days. at morning drop off, I stay in the car so mom can wrestle him into his classroom and she has been lifting him up to give me hugs and kisses before he takes off down the sidewalk. it's really sweet, but not as sweet as the fact that he then takes the rest of the sidewalk in about 7 minutes because he has to stop every few feet to turn around and wave enthusiastically at me and blow me kisses. for this super grumpy mama, this is the best balm in the world and undoubtedly saves the lives of anyone I encounter throughout the workday.
Charles continues to be amazing and supportive and more patient with me than I thought possible. we are both very much ready to have the "good michelle" back, but in the mean time, he is doing wonderful things to take care of me and communicate and make sure that our time at home is as peaceful and easy as it could be with a hugely pregnant miserable woman in pain.
mom is here, and she is amazing. I'm sure I don't need to tell any of you how awesome she is, but she is.

on another note, please say some prayers for my dad. he's having a tough time dealing with the constant care of his parents and the only thing I can come up with to help him out is just to say some prayers. so if you could spare a few for him also, I'd appreciate it.