April update

before the craziness of the summer begins, I figured I would check in here. also, it's slow at work. thus the stars align.
Out the Window:
well I must say, the Big Storm was a bit underwhelming last night. we frantically cleared a place in the garage for Charles' car last night ahead of the storm, which was supposed to hit around 6. no lie, at 6 right on the dot there was a big gust of wind and a few drops of rain on the deck. I quickly shooed the dogs outside because I knew they'd never go out to pee if it was raining (damn daschunds)and by the time I got them down to the basement door the "rain" had stopped. other than some apparently quiet rain in the night, we had nothing else here! it's still plenty humid, but for now the sun is trying to shine and all is calm in NE Kansas.
What I'm Wearing:
the usual - kakhi pants that are entirely too big for me, teal tank top, grey cardigan. these pants. they're the size 18 post-baby pants and I was just telling Charles the other day that I greatly look forward to setting them on fire once my 14s fit again. in the mean time, I'm pretty sure I could catch pies in the front of these suckers. not that I'm complaining about the fact that they're too big, I'm quite happy about it, I just wish I didn't have to pull them up all the time or worry about them falling down while kid-wrangling. it's a special skill to rock both the "mom look" AND a "gangster sag" at the same time. first world problems, right?
The baby:
mr. lucas has no patience for baby stuff. he is pretty much sitting up on his own and has quite a lot of stamina for tummy time. he can scoot backwards but not yet forwards. my goodness this is moving quickly! he loves to be in the thick of things and laugh at his silly brother, especially when he's dancing and singing. his sweet little face is the source of all sunshine, especially the little baby chicklet smile with those two bottom teeth. and if you attack his fat little cheeks with kisses he squeals and then gets this big old man belly laugh happening and it is hilarious! he's sleeping through the night without any issues and eating his solids like a champ. the daycare ladies totally love him. they are really great at working with him on his tummy time and sitting up. I was leary about taking him to the CDC so young, but it really has been a great thing for him.
The little boy:
I don't know what the age cap is for "toddler", but I think Cameron is probably good to be a little boy now. he's quite the big shot. his main lady at the CDC has been off since the beginning of march, so the potty training came to a screeching halt, but she will hopefully be back next week and we will attack it with renewed force then. I'm also hearing good things about a "potty watch" that the kids wear and can be set at regular intervals to vibrate and let them know when it's time to potty. really, I think he totally knows how to do it and we just need to get forceful about it and quit allowing him to be lazy. I'm not looking forward to that. at all. hopefully lucas is a faster learn. this man poop in a diaper stuff is not cool. he's also quite the sassy pants. common phrases include: "don't talk to me like that mama!" (when I have not said a word to him), "don't touch me!" (not sure where that one came from), and "go to your room mama!" (to which I reply "I wish I could buddy!"). mostly these are all just funny, but can be quite embarrassing when my 3 yr old yells at me in public. not sure how to get around that. I swear, I do not yell these things at him. I am forceful with the "go to your room"s, but not in a yelling angry way, just in a direct and "I'm in charge" way. logically, I know that he is regurgitating it all back to me as he hears it, but it's still humiliating.
in the kitchen:
last night I made some awesome cheeseburger soup! I've seen a lot of recipes on pinterest for it but not made it myself. I didn't like the sound of the ones that I was looking up though, plus I didn't want to go buy a whole bunch of ingredients. so mine ended up being a pound of ground turkey, 3 peeled and diced potatoes, about 3 cups shredded cheddar, a packet of liptons onion/mushroom soup, 3 cups beef broth (the recipes all called for chicken - why!?!?!?), a small can of petite diced tomatoes, about half a cup of diced dill pickles, some pepper and dry mustard, and about 1//3 cup diced onion. I totally had 2 bowls and brought more for my lunch today. yes. just - yes.
Crafting:
well.... Cameron and I have done a lot of coloring lately, does that count? little michelle (his awesome godmama) sent him some paints and markers and HUGE sheets of construction paper for his birthday.
I have a friend having a baby in the next 3 or 4 weeks so I plan to pick up some towels and wascloths to sew together for hooded towels. And I'm still technically working on the hand-quilting for lucas' blanket. it's just not super easy to get time to safely sit around with a needle for more than 2 minutes.
Reading:
nothing now. although I now have 3 books, 2 from mom and dad's church and now another one from mine, that I'd like to read. I don't know where it came from, but I'm really enjoying this trend of parishes providing the members with reading materials to deepen their faith. the classes and prayer groups and all those regularly-scheduled opportunities are awesome, but just not always realistic for people to attend. but by providing something for everyone at no cost that allows them to develop on their own time - it's much easier! yay!
Bringing me Joy:
my boys. my silly silly boys. Cameron's latest thing in the car is that he notices when we go up and down hills and will call out the direction followed by "WEEEEEEEE!!!!!". oh how exited we are to ride roller coasters with this boy! he's also still doing a lot of singing. "sugar" by maroon 5 is a favorite. he's getting pretty good too!
also seeing Charles with the boys. he has so much stress, well, we both do, but his job makes him more miserable than I've ever seen him, and it is painful to watch and hear his voice when he's at work. but he is amazingly good at leaving it at the door once he is home with the kids. he and Cameron are really getting close and Cameron has entered the "daddy's little shadow" phase. and it was about this time with Cameron that Charles left for korea, so it's fun to see him get to experience it with lucas. although that's short lived..
Thinking about:
stressful summer coming up. charles will pretty much be gone from the end of this month till the end of june. then at the start of july Cameron is having surgery on a cyst in his neck, followed by a surgery for charles the following week. combine that with my summer work schedule starting after memorial day (4 - 10 hr days) and it's shaping up to be quite a doozy. I've been borrowing an increasing amount of worry the last couple of weeks and finally my body broke out in hives over the weekend. oh how easy it is to stress over things beyond your control...
finances.
remembering to focus on what's important: i.e. - having happy, healthy kids who love me for who I am, not what I can give them. quality time over quantity. more dancing and singing and coloring and snuggles and books. less worrying about body fat and having surplus. help more people. be the type of person I want my kids to be.
pictures:

little man on Easter - he is clearly obnoxiously excited about big boy sitting up stuff! :D

here he is a couple days ago, passed out in a carrot coma. yes, my 7 month old is wearing 12 month pjs.

big boy is all about stickers, naturally. so he discovered this sheet of free address labels that came to charles from somewhere and went to town yesterday afternoon. isn't he just the Bee's Knees? (oh yes I did!)

cool kids

things are relatively slow at work, so I figured I would kill a bit of time with some blogging about my super cool kids.
Big Boy:
Cameron is really into music, books, cooking and generally being silly. much to my amazement, he will be 3 next month! we're throwing him a super hero party, which should be fun. that's the only "play theme" that he's consistently into now, although he still enjoys a good bit of curious George. (and waffles - but I didn't think that would be a very fun birthday theme for someone severely limited on funds and time) my mother in law has generously offered to make the cake and we have invited a couple of friends and some of the ladies from daycare. he doesn't really have friends at school that he's into. he is clearly a leader in the room, but he couldn't care less about any of that social nonsense. he interacts appropriately, but he also enjoys being on his own and actively avoiding trouble and chaos. (unless it's his idea, and then he's leading the charge.) while I sometimes worry that he isn't social enough, I'm also proud of the fact that he doesn't need validation from anyone else. and in fairness to him, by the time I see him at the end of the day, he has been in the room with the same crazy kids for the whole day and is ready to have his space.
potty training is finally under way and seems to be going fairly well, but slowly. we seem to have gone through the variety of potty options at home and the little mini seat that fits on top of the regular toilet seems to be working. I think he was scared of falling in. he will now agree to sit on the toilet a few times a day, sometimes things come out and sometimes they don't, but it's a start! at home, he gets a chocolate chip each time he sits on the potty. this weekend he was roosting and jabbering on as usual when he would suddenly get really pensive and whisper in an incredibly creepy way "I'm gonna get a chocolate chip..." to no one in particular, then go back to jabbering. it was ... interesting...
language is also a source of entertainment lately. he has excellent manners, for the most part. and to further his accreditation as the bossiest kid in the universe, he has started correcting us if we ask him to do something without saying please. it caught me off guard, but it's also pretty b.a.! "how do you ask, mama?" pahahahahah!!! funny kid.. another zinger is when he is told that it is time to go to bed: "no thank you mama, maybe later." :D he's getting better at catching song lyrics, which is both good and bad. he started singing a song the other day that I didn't even realize he liked, but it was quite clearly the tune. this concerns Charles a bit more than me. I, for one, thing it's hilarious to hear him sing "all about that bass" and have tried to convince Charles that it's a good song about having a positive body image. he, on the other hand, has a hard time hearing his son say "shake it shake it, like you're supposed to do". the jury is still out. although he did learn the valuable lesson of previewing youtube music videos before showing them to Cameron when he expresses an interest in a song from the radio.
big brother stuff is pretty cool too. for the most part, he doesn't mind sharing. and he is great about covering up brother if he needs a blanket, or bringing diapers (needed or not). the kisses on brother's little head are the sweetest things ever, trying to pry open brother's eyes while he sleeps in his car seat - not so much. but we're learning. I am so excited to see them play and interact more as they get bigger!

Little Boy:
Lucas is pretty much adorable. those big brown eyes just suck you in! I didn't think it was possible, but he is even more chilled out and happy and snuggly than Cameron even was! and to think, I had been so terrified of having a second child because I was convinced that there was no way I could get so lucky as to have two easy super cool kids. so maybe they'll be terrible teenagers, but for now I will not borrow any more worry than already comes with the territory and will say that I am 10000% enjoying the contentment of my two little gifts.
his bottles were not sufficient any longer, so the weekend before last I had him try some cereal. I was reluctant to do so at only 5 months but felt that he really did need something extra. I was right! he had zero learning curve and is now scarfing it down 3x a day and with applesauce mixed in at home. once I can get to the store next week I will start more foods, but for now it's all going very well. he is definitely a healthy and growing boy! he's also starting to get better control of his hands, so toys are entering his world as explorative opportunities. and without a doubt, his big brother has sunshine glowing out of every orifice. if lucas is in the walker, his little eyes will follow Cameron around the room like a spot light! and any bit of attention from him, or anyone, will just light up his sweet little face.
he was sleeping through the night for a glorious couple of weeks until lately, when he has been too hungry for that nonsense. he will be up in the night starving to death only to realize that he's too tired to actually stay awake and finish a whole bottle. such is life. he also does a lot of scooting in the night. I have to lay him at one side of one end of the crib and will find him in the opposite corner by morning. it took me a couple of days to come up with that solution as opposed to be woken up by a freaking out kid who is stuck in the corner of his bed. go me.

so life is definitely good at my house! I have two of the coolest kids around. they both are so sweet and innocent and they live 100% out loud without any inhibitions. it's just beautiful to see. I still struggle, during those times when everything seems to be happening at once and there are too many demands on my time or attention, but that has leveled out a lot and for the most part I manage to really give the best of myself to my family these days. it's pretty cool. :)

watching a miracle unfold

so I've been bumping this post around in my head for a few weeks. I don't think anything I could throw together would do justice to the situation, but since I know my couple of readers are likethis with G.O.D., I thought I'd put it out there in whatever form it comes in hopes of continued prayers for continued miracles. so here goes:
when Charles was in cuba, the year before we got married, he surprised me (understatement) by going through RCIA and joining the church. so this guy, who had never belonged to a church in his life, was impressed by what he saw in my family and became catholic. pretty awesome stuff! well, after we got married, real life crept back in and his work schedule was ridiculous and unpredictable. he start out coming to mass with me when he wasn't working, but to be honest, the priest was TERRIBLE. we lived in a small town and the next closest small town happened to share the priest with our town. awesome. so I trudged through with fr. fire and brimstone, but Charles was pretty quickly disappointed with how his big conversion had turned out and fizzled. he did not join me at church (other than Christmas) until about a year ago, when I was pregnant with lucas and no longer able to contain Cameron and deal with myself. he was very reluctant, much bitching was done. often he would wake up 5 minutes before we left and was rather huffy throughout mass. but he was there.
a number of factors have played in to the recent events:
1. our priest at st. frances de sales is AWESOME! he is the most REAL priest I've ever had. that's a long story, but suffice it to say, he has his struggles and he is not shy about talking about them. 10000% relatable.
2. our good friends janet and terry. I was lucky enough to meet janet at my job a few years ago and we are very close. she and her husband are my parents' age and they are amazing. we go to mass together and they have been very encouraging, for all of us.
so yes, the miracles. things started occurring to me lately, and when I looked back it was hard to pinpoint when changes started happening - but check this out:
- "hey michelle, will you wake me up 30 minutes early so that I can shower and get dressed before church?"
- then: "what is up with you staying after and talking to everyone after mass!?" now: no lie, we were there a good 20 minutes after mass ended the other day because he was talking to the guy who sits behind us. him, not me. I was chasing Cameron all over the place because he's a turd. just a week or two after my long-winded explanation to Charles about what a "church family" really means, there he is - making it!
- a couple weeks ago we had some guys from Jerusalem selling incredibly beautiful carvings. so we were all visiting with the people who sit behind us again, and their son comes up and hands Cameron this little carved heart magnet thing with the holy family on it. ok, cool. I was wrestling kids again so I only half paid attention to him when he said something about 'he gave me money'. turns out CHARLES had given THIS KID $20 and told him to buy something for him and something for Cameron. whaaaaaaaat?
oh! oh!
- so one time, janet and terry weren't there and I don't feel up to the task of taking both kids up by myself unless I'm wearing the baby, which I wasn't. so I tried to hand lucas off to Charles so that I could take Cameron up to communion for his blessing (and he always tries to weasel a host out of father because he "wants one too"). Cameron started to throw a fit because he wanted to stay with Charles. so Charles stepped out of the row so that I could take my place in line with lucas, then he GETS IN LINE BEHIND ME. uh, what? I am pretty confident that he didn't take communion, but he went. point: he went.

I know we have a lot of people praying for us. I know it, because I see it and feel it every day. and trust me, I pray for those who pray for us right back. but if anyone, myself included, ever feels like their prayers are not being answered - just think of this miracle. it's a slow one, but there is no denying that it's happening. might not seem like much to you, but to know this man and his past, it is. it really is. :)

the new normal

well I'm pleased to say that I finally feel like I'm adjusting to our new normal with 2 kids. I feel a little bad since pretty much all of the faithful readers that I know of have more than 2 kids and, granted, I only see your facebook "highlight reels", it still looks like you handle things really well and I have decidedly not been. but I tell myself often that comparisons to what I think I know about anyone vs. their actual reality does neither party credit. it's best to just keep my nose in my own crazy business and choose to believe that everyone else is dealing with their own craziness too. and so with tremendous support from my amazing husband, some good time spent at the gym, and an increase in prayer time - I am on my feet as a mother of 2 and loving it!
for the sake of guiding my thoughts:
Outside my window:
it's rainy and dreary and looks to be cold. the leaves are pretty much all off the trees and everything is that murky brown color. I don't mind though, I like cold weather. and it's not been so cold lately to make the trip from the car to the daycare/work unbearable. I hear it's supposed to be up to 60 this weekend though!
What I'm wearing:
well, I'm still in that awesome post-pregnancy stage when nothing really fits. I have 1 pair of work kakhi pants that are at least a size or two too big, and 2 pair of leggings with a couple of sweater dresses that I feel to be mostly work-appropriate. so I do a lot of pulling up of the pants or pulling down of the dress. as tall as I am, it's very difficult to find long enough sweater dresses! and lord knows I will NOT be buying any clothes for myself for a while. at some point, I hope to go digging in the basement storage again for some smaller pants in hopes that I might be able to fit into something else. those darn kahkis are so loose that they've almost fallen off while chasing Cameron into or out of the CDC (also carrying the car seat, etc.). it's a great picture, I tell you. so anyway, yes. I'm wearing the black leggings today with black boots and a gold sweater dress that I forgot I had until I noticed it on my closet floor last night while I was looking for something to wear today. go me.
Toddler:

oh that boy! he is just amazing. his language has really taken off lately and he says the best stuff! he's still obsessed with frozen. no joke - he will run around the house for a solid 30 minutes recreating scenes from the movie complete with hand gestures, facial expressions, songs (sung mostly in key!) and with perfect recitation of multiple character's lines. and we DON'T watch it every week anymore either. he will even request to wear daddy's superman cape because it's obviously much longer than his and it makes him feel like elsa, so he'll run down the hall into each of the rooms, dramatically toss the cape out behind him and go "Are you ready?!" the stomp his foot to the ground to "make the ice appear". if it wasn't so funny it would be a little creepy how well he does it. he also does similar recreations with scenes from Finding Nemo and WallE. We got him a stuffed WallE for Christmas and he will be SO excited! Charles has been talking to him about his dreams before bed and he often reports them to have been "WallE dreams" and will tell us about what he's done with WallE and Eve-a, usually involving trucks or sandwiches. he also got an elf on a shelf yesterday from grandma ronda. I have mixed feelings. he doesn't really have any concept of who santa is and that is 100% ok with me. up until now I've been just trying to get him to understand that Christmas is Jesus' birthday and since he loves us so much we get presents. not sure how else to explain it to him and I would welcome suggestions! but now we're introducing the santa thing. he was a bit freaked out this morning when the elf had moved. I read him the book last night but don't know that he retained much. but regardless, we're giving it a shot. "shark bait" the elf is trucking along. potty training is still not happening but I'm hoping to give it a concentrated effort over Christmas break since we'll have a good long stretch of time together to try it.
Baby:

3 months old already! he is an exceptionally sweet little boy. his smiles started around thanksgiving and he just loves to take everything in and get snuggles. he's even more snuggly than Cameron was and I think he will be maybe less independent and more clingy - he will be the baby. I am ok with that. I quit pumping at about 2 months and, except for the ridiculous cost of formula, I do not regret my decision one bit. I chose to give him the same formula used in daycare because they will provide it while he's there; but sadly the version I use at home is powdered (cheaper) and they use liquid pre-mixed at the center. even though the doctor says they are the same, they are decidedly NOT. the liquid kind does not sit well on his stomach and I've now had to start sending bottles from home of our formula. we recently joined sams, so we save some, but it's still about $20/week. ouch. he's had a couple of sicknesses lately from daycare but thankfully nothing too major. he caught on to the beginning of that terrible stomach bug going around but it wasn't nearly as severe as others have had it, and this week he had a mysterious rash that is now pretty much gone. he and big brother are getting along well still, and he is sleeping much better through the night. I feed him around 8:30 and he is up again at around 3. so definitely not too bad! plus, if he happens to wake up before 2, Charles will get up and take that feeding. score!
In the kitchen:
last night I tried a pot pie sort of thing with leftover turkey and some ham and swiss cheese. it was not nearly as good as I had hoped, needed more liquid. overall, I've been trying to eat a lot better (want to be able to wear jeans by Christmas instead of just my sweats!), so there's been some shrimp things and some quinoa lately. I bought a bunch of meat at sams a couple weeks back and made use of my food saver, so that's been good. I will go again this weekend so we'll have some more options. it's been a crazy week with sick kids and sick mom and life in general, so yesterday was the only night I cooked and it wasn't even all that good. don't know what tonight will bring.
crafting:
I need to make the salt dough ornaments/gifts, my goal is to do that this weekend so that I can be painting on them.
reading:
yea... no.
bringing me joy:
my boys, all 3 of them are amazing. my heart sings when we're all together! I've really been working on trying to go the extra mile with Charles. instead of getting frustrated that he's reluctant to get up and come to church with us, I made him some coffee for the car. and what do you know, he did awesome and I got to watch him snuggle on the boys during mass and even willingly stand up for a birthday month blessing (read: PARTICIPATE!). life is good.
also, Cameron LOVES Christmas lights! so far that seems to be the only thing about Christmas that has sunken in (other than singing happy birthday to jesus and getting cupcakes - good luck with that one kid...). we took him on post this last weekend to see the lights and he lost it. "CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!" it was amazing. I hope to take him to one of those drive through park displays or maybe the thing at botanica, I've never been, when we're back home.
what I'm thinking about:
money. it is and it isn't within my control and it's a huge source of stress. but that's life I guess. we're doing our best with what we have and it will get better.
not being so hard on myself.
pictures:
my boys, entertaining their mother with Mr. T impressions in the bath. they pity the foo...

because everybody loves a good birth story...

my goodness, is it almost November already?! sweet! at this moment, I am not at all upset that time has gone so quickly. I love fall here, and as far as I'm concerned, the faster time goes, the closer I get to the part when the baby will sleep for more than 3 hrs at a time, well, really 2 since it takes him an hour to eat. it took me a couple of weeks to catch up at work from my 5 weeks off, so now I'm back to a bit slower pace and thought I'd keep myself awake by blogging. be warned, I'm incredibly tired so there will be some serious rambling. but all three or four of my readers are well acquainted with the feeling, so I don't feel judged. :)

this handsome fella sure took his time to get here. I had hoped to be induced on Wednesday the 3rd after my final appointment with the diabetes dr, but alas, since you pretty much see a different person at every appointment - the dr who had told me the week before that it was likely was not the same one I saw that day. Charles was dealing with his allergies at the time, so we stopped off at a pharmacy after our appointment and he wisely bought me a candy bar to sooth my sorrows at being pushed off for another 2 days. but it was for the best, as my actual OB was able to deliver him on that Friday as opposed to another dr who works Wednesdays and is the man who once told me I was fat. no thanks, dr. owens. bite me. (told you there would be rambling) so anyway, I had decided to start my maternity leave that Wednesday regardless of whether or not they induced me, and my parents were already up and ready to greet their new grandson. so mom and I spent Thursday making cinnamon rolls for the nurses. consequently, we discovered about halfway through the process that my beloved sweet bread recipe is already doubled. so 4 large and 2 small pans of rolls later, that was done. Friday the 5th we arrived at the hospital at about 7:30, I was antsy to get the show on the road but nervous too - pretty much about everything. but once we got the show on the road I calmed down and just let it happen. they tested my blood sugar (never mind the huge cinnamon roll I had eaten that morning... to say that I was DONE with gestational diabetes is an understatement) and it was obviously high. so they were in the midst of a debate about whether or not to put me on insulin when they tested it again and it was back down to 90. diabetic coma: narrowly avoided. they started me on Pitocin at around 9 and the clock began to tick. I was dialted to 4 when I got there, so they were encouraged by my progress already. they upped the Pitocin every 30 minutes and around 11 or so the dr came in and estimated that I could be done by 1 or so. yea, sounded nice. :) so my parents and Charles' mom and the two of us sat. and sat. and sat. thankfully, my birth ninja skillz were not depleted after Cameron and I was totally fine until about 2 or so. when things began to get interesting (translation: I started to actually feel something), they brought in "The Peanut". The Peanut is similar to an exercise ball, but shaped like a peanut, and about 3 feet long and 2 feet around. I was asked to lay on my side, flipping every 30 minutes or so, with The Peanut between my legs to help open my hips and get him into position. this process was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and about 3 or so I requested that the parental units vacate the room so that I could focus on my breathing. it was at this point htat I became the harnesser of the chi. if I were able to focus that well at any other time, I'm pretty sure I could solve the problem of world hunger in about 15 minutes. it was pretty cool. yoga breaths ensued and by the time the contractions were back to back, I was in the zone. I really wish I could have had my temperature taken! I do not remember putting off that much heat with Cameron and I'd like to know how high it got. it did occur to me to ask but then another contraction came and I forgot about it. Charles was amazing and held my hand and smoothed my sweaty hair and kept a cool washcloth on me. I was SO eager to get the pushing started because I knew that it would make the pain go away, so kept saying "ok I think it's time!" only to have them check me (probably roll their eyes) and tell me to keep going. 'one more time', 'ok, just one more'... I'm pretty sure I said that to myself for a good hour at least. but finally, it was actually time. I gave about 3 good heaves and before I knew it, dr. suleman was telling me to open my eyes so I could see my slimy boy held up between my knees! as much as I'd like to say that something beautiful came out of my mouth this time, honestly it was "THANK GOD!", with the silent "that's over with!" at the end. 4:18pm
I tore pretty extensively, thankfully it didn't go through the muscle this time, just skin. so while I was being put back together and shaking like crazy, they handed me my boy. magic. I didn't realize that I had missed out on this time with Cameron until I had it with luke. all of a sudden, all those people who come out of the woodwork just before baby time had dissolved back into thin air and it was just the doctor and attending nurse who were stitching and one other person who was cleaning up. but they were quiet, I had a warm baby in warm blankets on my warm chest and we just were. other than the obligatory tests, he was not away from me for maybe 2 hrs. even Charles insisted that I take my time and bond with him. it was heavenly. the only minor setback was that his blood sugar was low. they gave me the option to try and nurse or supplement him with formula. since I knew nothing would be coming out of me yet and it was important that he get something in to avoid the NICU, we went with formula. within 12 hrs, his blood sugar was normal. but since they held us in the delivery room for a bit longer to watch him, we ended up eating dinner there too. my hospital has some bomb diggity food, so we had steak and grilled shrimp and veggies and a massive piece of chocolate cake. my parents had to leave to go get Cameron before the daycare closed, so they did not get to meet Lucas right away, but charles' mom stayed. we called her in to the room about 7 and my dad returned to the hospital about that time too. how sweet is it that he didn't want to wait till the next day to see the baby?! :) mom, who had put in so much time and effort to take care of me in the previous few months, stayed home with Cameron. talk about a selfless wonder woman! dad and ronda stayed for a little while in the postpartum room and then went home so that we could try to rest.

the next couple of days were pretty uneventful. milk production was very minimal and latching was again unsuccessful. the lactation consultants and nurses were great; but in the end, I decided to just pump like I did with Cameron. over the last 2 years I have become very well acquainted with my limitations. I don't fear them, I embrace the fact htat if I push myself beyond certain limits, I will not be a successfully contributing member of my family in any capacity. so if there is something that needs to happen or change in order for me to function as I feel that I should, then I will make any necessary sacrifices.
we went home sunday the 7th and all was well. they had asked us to check in with the pediatrician the next day to monitor billiruben levels. Cameron was a bit uncomfortable when his brother would cry, but it was more of a look of apprehension because he didn't know how to help than anything. that only lasted a few days. he is now absolutely 100% on board with the big brother gig and it makes my heart sing! I will expand on that some other time.
a couple of days after coming home, after getting bilirubin checks every day, I received a frantic call from the nurse practitioner. back to the hospital we went, for what we were told would be a few hours in the NICU. I was a hot mess, in many ways. Charles was still not feeling well and someone had to take care of Cameron, so my incredibly swollen feet and legs and i spent 2 days there by myself. luckily they were able to find a room for me on the same floor, so I could pump and then go in and see him and feed him every 3 hrs. after the first 36 hrs or so under the light, he was improved enough to room in with me. as stressful as the whole situation was, I definitely feel that it was beneficial for me to get so much uninterrupted time with him. but I was sure glad to get to go home.
more on the post-birth week stuff later...

just a couple more days!

so my induction is most likely going to happen on Wednesday after the diabetes dr sees that my numbers are still high, despite the continued increase in dosage of the medication. if, by some miracle, he decides not to do it then, I am on the books for Friday with my dr. either way, I plan to stop working Wednesday. although, I've been having contractions all morning, so I might not even make it that far - which is perfectly fine with me. as of the growth sonogram Tuesday, he was estimated to be 6 lbs 15 oz. take that with a grain of salt, obviously, but the point is that he's clearly not a delicate flower of a little boy and my business already hurts at the thought of it. I am nervous for labor but excited for the result. I give myself pep talks about how short it is likely to be this time around whenever they're needed. my goal is again to go without drugs, although I suspect that I will feel much more of it this time just because I have already been feeling it for the last couple of months. I'm not at all opposed to medication, but if it really is just a few hours, I think I can handle that. besides, once you get to the pushing stage, it doesn't hurt anyway. at least it didn't for me. felt quite glorious actually. the week or so after was by far more painful from swollen/stitched areas down below.
so other than all that usual stuff, things are pretty ok at my house. Cameron is still a bit of a turkey but he's doing ok. I've said before that the only way I can get him pinned down for some snuggles is if I put some youtube videos on my phone. this is a current favorite. he refers to it as the "doo doo doo". you will see why if you watch it. he rocks out hard core and last night, for the first time, he sang it almost entirely the way through, singing multiple parts with admirable accuracy for a 2 1/2 yr old. it was hilarious! he also enjoys the muppet's version of bohemian rhapsody, another good one, especially now that he's caught on to proper head-banging protocol. and he remains a pretty devout fan of pharrell Williams. Get Lucky is a definite hit, in fact the end of it came on the radio when I flipped stations on the way to school earlier this week, which promptly led to a massive meltdown because he wanted to hear it and we had just caught the end. Happy, of course, is another pharrell staple in frequent rotation. I absolutely LOVE that I am able to expose him to so many different kinds of music in many different ways. it's no secret that music has always been important to me, and Charles is the same, with an even more varied taste. so we just have a blast exposing him to all sorts of stuff. for obvious reasons, we've been watching a lot of movies lately and I think he's now gone 5 days straight of watching the lion king. while eating dinner last night he randomly busted out some African tribal chants and we about peed our pants.
Charles is doing well. he only has to make a couple of floating shelves for above the bar and the man cave will be finished. he hopes to get to that this weekend in addition to cleaning out/organizing the shed. but he has been able to actually (finally) use his man cave space recently and it makes me very happy! it's a great space, he likes the way it looks, and he has a place he can go to blow off some steam.
I'm very much looking forward to exercising again. it's incredibly frustrating that the lower half of my body is not functioning and I'm infinitely thankful that this is such a temporary condition. in addition to the nerve issue in my back/butt, my right leg is painfully tight and now my left knee has decided it doesn't want to work either. probably has a lot to do with the 40 extra pounds I'm lugging, so I'm eagerly anticipating a lot of good stretching and some long walks to start out. strength training and jogging will follow, with the goal to be a lot of 5ks next summer, a half marathon next October in downtown kc, and the Disney world princess half in feb of 16. it tough mudder comes back or warrior dash, i'll hit those too. I definitely want to do a tough mudder. but that will take a lot more training than just a run. either way, I'm excited to hit it pretty hard once I'm able. a favorite quote/mantra of mine is something to the effect of: if you can't stop thinking about it, make it happen. being incredibly fit is this for me. and so although I'm scared and I know it will be very hard to find the time and energy, I will do it.
so in the mean time, I'm still working "working" and getting as much done as I can to set them up for success for the next 6 weeks without me during an incredibly busy time of year. I know I will come back in October to some hellatious piles of 'job security', but that's ok. mom has been here for another 3 weeks and this weekend dad is coming also. he got permission from my grandparents to stay until luke is born, so we are all happy that he will be here for that. charles' mom will come up too, which will be very good. then Charles will get his 10 days off and after that I will try my hand at transporting 2 kids by myself. should be interesting.

still ungracefully pregnant

to those of you with multiple kids, seriously - how in the eff do you do it?! I like to think that, in ordinary circumstances, I'm pretty good at letting things roll off my back. but this pregnancy has turned me into what I feel to be the worst version of myself! I don't care how many people attempt to reassure me with talk of "you're a million years pregnant and entitled to be whiney and uncomfortable", it does not make me feel any better for snapping at my son, husband and mother, all of whom are doing their very best to provide for me and take care of things I am unable to do. I guess the only thing I can do is continue to work hard at keeping my mouth shut and send myself to my room with a book and a large glass of water every time I get twitchy. needless to say, I've been sent to my room almost as often as the 2 yr old these last couple of weeks.
the pregnancy itself is going well now, for the most part. in theory, I have another 4-5 weeks to go, but I strongly disagree with my doctor who laughs at me every week when I go in for an appointment. this pregnancy has been 95% uncharted waters for me, I've been having contractions and dilating for the last 2 months, so by now, my body is pretty worn out and NOTHING feels "normal". (although I know "normal" is relative.) with Cameron, I legitimately didn't feel a single contraction of any kind until the last 45 minutes of pregnancy. no lie. so I pretty much spend every waking moment in freak out mode because things are happening that I'm not used to. it doesn't help that we live an hour from the hospital (which is in south KC) and know that this labor will go QUICKLY. we actually went to the hospital last Thursday morning for a few hours but were sent back home due to lack of progress. I then proceeded to spend the rest of the day in pain laying down as they had to get two different people to check me multiple times to determine that there had been no cervical change. awesome. But as of then, at least, I was 65% effaced and dilated to 3. I have an appointment today and haven't decided if I want to get checked again or not.
the gestational diabetes is pretty much a disaster this time around. they put me on medication and then doubled it, and I still can't keep my numbers down no matter what I eat. I'm not so much worried about that so much as just completely have zero tolerance for the ass-chewing that I have to drive an hour to receive each week from the perinatalogist. I am not a fan of time-wasting experiences and this definitely qualifies as one in my books.
so yea, boo hoo and crap.
let me try to balance this out with some positivity:
Cameron has been nice-ish the last couple of days. at morning drop off, I stay in the car so mom can wrestle him into his classroom and she has been lifting him up to give me hugs and kisses before he takes off down the sidewalk. it's really sweet, but not as sweet as the fact that he then takes the rest of the sidewalk in about 7 minutes because he has to stop every few feet to turn around and wave enthusiastically at me and blow me kisses. for this super grumpy mama, this is the best balm in the world and undoubtedly saves the lives of anyone I encounter throughout the workday.
Charles continues to be amazing and supportive and more patient with me than I thought possible. we are both very much ready to have the "good michelle" back, but in the mean time, he is doing wonderful things to take care of me and communicate and make sure that our time at home is as peaceful and easy as it could be with a hugely pregnant miserable woman in pain.
mom is here, and she is amazing. I'm sure I don't need to tell any of you how awesome she is, but she is.

on another note, please say some prayers for my dad. he's having a tough time dealing with the constant care of his parents and the only thing I can come up with to help him out is just to say some prayers. so if you could spare a few for him also, I'd appreciate it.